The Road to No Where
by EvilPixey
Summary: Where does Castiel go once he learns the truth about God? Read on and find out how he has spent is free time on earth. Castiel/OC
1. Chapter 1

**Final Final Final Notice!**

**This fic will be removed Sunday evening (June 9th) I've gotten a lot of emails and messages from people who were reading this one and I've waited as long as possible, but it's time for it to go.**

**Thanks again for reading. The rework of this story will be call ****_Borrowed Time_**** you can check my website (address on my profile page) for updates and progress...or just to yell at me lol.**

**xoxo**

**EP**

**Oh and if you are reading "Till", it's coming down too. I'll post more info under that title tho.**

Author Update.

I just wanted to say Hi to all of my wonderful readers here at FFN and let you all know I will be removing this story, 'Road to Nowhere' within the next few weeks. So if you want to read it and you haven't get going because this is your last chance!

This story, like a lot of my work here, was never meant to be fanfic and derived from an original manuscript. In the last 2 years I have published 2 serials through an Indie Author CoOp (with moderate success aka I've been PAID lol) and have decided to return this story to its original format and release it as a novella, sans Supernatural and sadly, yes, Casitel must go too. L Oc of course…

While Olivia and Danny will remain, the boys are of course gone and Castiel will be replaced by Tebriss- the angel of free will. More info can be found on my website – addy located on my profile or just google my pen name Pixey Bitters.

I want to thank everyone who, read, reviewed and enjoyed this story and assure you I have not forgotten you. I will return eventually to finish the few fics I have hanging. But right now I am working a grueling schedule keeping up with my published (for real live money lol) works.

Again, for more info on what I am doing now, to see what else I have published or if you just wanna say "HEY! What the fuck you talking about bitch?!" lol You can find the link to my website on my profile.

Also I'm looking for some Test/Beta readers for my serial and novels. I can't afford to pay you but, I'll give you a mention in the book! So if you love paranormal romance with a heavy dose of smexy erotica drop me a line

Big slobbering XOXOXOXOX to all of you! And I mean it I would love to keep in touch!

**Okay first let me say i tried really, really, really hard to keep this little sucker under control but... alas it has taken life of it's own. first it was to be a Post A story about stoner Cass. Then after last weeks ep I had to deal with disillusioned Cass. So we stepped it up in time a bit, I was figuring on some nice angsty, fluffy, smut for the angel and then he would go on his merry way... but again... no... now we have an entire new story to contend with... sigh. i really tried to stop it and i know my Maggie fans will be frothing at the mouth.. not in a good way... sorry lol. but I promise you will like O too. she has been through her own fair share of BS. She is much more mousey than Maggie tho. oh well hope you enjoy i will do my best to keep both stories going unless of coure you hate this one lol.**

**And yes i will be moving ahead with my Maggie & Cass stories never fear =) should update the latest of those tonight or tomorrow!**

**Enjoy**

**feedback please**

**ep**

**xox**

**The Road to No Where**

**Chapter 1**

It was his guilty pleasure, a secret. Not because he was ashamed of his behavior but, because interacting with angels was dangerous business in this day and age. Especially when you didn't know it was an angel you were interacting with. For this reason he kept the small book store and the woman who owned it a secret.

His secret held little meaning now, as did most everything else. Now that he knew it was all a lie. He had been forsaken, betrayed, his entire existence was meaningless, he had no purpose… none at all.

Not only had he given up everything for nothing… he found he had… truly had, nothing, to begin with. He was homeless and useless. He was alone. His only choice was to watch helplessly as the world burned around him, knowing there was not a single thing he could do to prevent it and the one who could, no longer cared enough to be bothered to stop it.

He held the book in his hand as he stared at the handwritten sign hanging on the glass pane of the door, 'Out to lunch' it read, in handwriting that had become familiar to him.

Castiel searched his pockets for a paper and pen, he had acquired quite a collection of odds and ends in his time on earth, his pockets were stuffed with a great many things. Fingering and feeling his way through the contents of his coat pocket, he found a folded up piece of paper and a small pencil.

He leant the paper against the brick wall and in neat compact printing, he jotted a small note, then folded the paper over the cover of the book, before bending and sliding it through the mail slot. Standing upright, he placed a hand almost lovingly on the door, "Good-bye." he said, just above a whisper, then turned away to descend the few stairs leading back to the sidewalk.

Olivia Marks owned a small bookstore in Arcadia, Missouri. The 32 year old woman ended up there after running away from her home, in Atkinson, New Hampshire, when she was 20 years old. While most women of that age were free to leave, Olivia most definitely ran… for her life.

Atkinson was a town of have and have not's. Olivia was undoubtedly a 'have not'. First she ran from an abusive father and an alcoholic mother, straight into the arms of a rich but, far more abusive husband. She was 18, young and stupid. All the warning signs were there, she even saw them, knew them by heart, her parents taught her well. She was just trying to escape home, in doing so she traded one hell for another.

When she was 20 she found herself in the emergency room, once again beaten beyond recognition by the man who supposedly loved her, this wasn't the first time but, it would be the last because this time was different. It was different because while, the bruises, sprains and in this case cracked ribs were par for the course, she was also informed she was 8 weeks pregnant.

She would not raise a child with this man. The man, Curtis Baxter was obviously a 'have' and so were his parents.

Olivia sat battered, bandaged and bruised in the cubicle of the local ER. She was waiting, waiting for Curtis' parents. He of course, too big of a coward to come and collect her himself. His parents would come and they would look at her in the same sympathetic way they always did. His father would promise to have 'a talk with that boy', the same as he always did. His mother would make excuses for her son, then they would take her home, while Curtis was off doing God knows what with God knows who to return a few days later, remorseful… until… he did it again. No more she promised… no more.

This time Olivia was pressing charges, his parents worst fear.

But she didn't, instead, she accepted a nice fat check for $100,000.00 and she left town, 3 months later she sighed divorce papers sent to a PO Box a few hundred miles away from Atkinson, her parents and the Baxter's.

A week later, she was Olivia Marks again, proud owner of 'The Reading Room' the one and only bookstore in Arcadia.

Now 12 years later, she still lived in the town, her store did okay, it wasn't going to make her rich but, it offered more than that, it offered freedom, and a life that she could only dream of growing up.

She returned from lunch through the back door and walked to the front of the store, just in time to hear and see something plop through the mail slot. She looked down and recognized the book then looked out the window anxiously. She bent down to pick up the book and note next to it on the floor.

Olivia-

Thank you for the book and your kindness-

Good bye -C

It was a crisp fall day, not long after his arrival on earth when Castiel wandered into the small store. He had been watching over the Winchesters, while awaiting further orders, basically he was killing time. As an angel, new to earth and humanity, he was of course, curious. One of the things that spiked that curiosity the most were books. He was quite pleased when he found the small shop tucked away in the otherwise boring town.

He walked the small isles looking up and down the rows of books with much curiosity and interest. The store was comfortable, almost home like, simple, yet accommodating. He found the atmosphere most pleasant, quiet, calm. Before long he found he quite enjoyed the company he found there as well.

"Can I help you find something?"

The angel turned his head to find a short woman, with long straight chestnut brown hair, falling over her shoulders and resting in sharp contrast against the soft cream sweater she was wearing.

"Not at this time." he answered in his usual flat tone, taking his eyes from the shelves, to glance at her briefly.

"If that changes, I'm just back there" Olivia told the handsome stranger in the trench coat, as she pointed to the back of the shop.

Castiel looked at her once again and nodded his thank you as she walked away.

That was the extent of his first visit.

A week later he once again found himself with little to do, remembering the quiet comfortable shop he decided to return. It was later in the day than his previous visit and this time the shop was noisy and occupied by two young boys.

"Homework first Danny" he heard the voice of the woman who offered him help the week before, talking to one of the boys.

"But mom, it will be dark by then." the boy protested.

"You know the rules." she sighed at the boy, walking past him with both arms full of books.

Castiel, again curious, stretched his neck around the corner to catch a glimpse of the woman and the boys.

The dark haired boy appeared to be her son, Danny, and he soon found that the taller blond boy was his friend, Brian.

"Please Ms. M." the blond chimed in. " We will only go for an hour." he pleaded.

"Yeah mom Brian has homework too." her son pointed out.

The woman unloaded the books in her arms onto a large table and looked up, as she did she caught a glimpse of Castiel standing near the shelves. He thought he saw a small smile cross her lips just before he averted his eyes and turned back to look at the shelf nearest him.

"Fine" she sighed exasperated, "One hour… I mean it ONE!" she reinforced.

The boys turned and ran for the door whooping and hollering their victory and a thank you.

"And wear your helmet," She called behind, "And don't make me come looking for you Danny!" She called louder, as the shop door slammed shut.

"And don't slam the door" she yelled too late.

"I believe they are already gone." Castiel offered, as she approached the door.

"Eh.. doesn't matter… it's not like he listens to me anyway" she sighed.

He tilted his head at her.

"Nice to see you've come back." she smiled at him.

"I found your shop quite calming my last visit." he told her.

"It is," she laughed, "Until school lets out. I'm Olivia." she said extending her hand.

He again looked at her curiously.

"It's my rule on your second visit you get a proper introduction and maybe even some hot chocolate." she grinned.

Castiel extended his hand as he had seen Dean do a few times and introduced himself.

"Castiel" he said, taking her small hand in his larger one, noting how it felt much more warm and soft than he had anticipated.

This visit the angel found himself seated at the back table, with a mug of hot chocolate while Olivia sorted and priced a stack of books.

They discussed poetry, Castiel wasn't familiar with much, if any but, he was intrigued by the many examples Olivia read to him. Before he left that day Olivia excused herself.

"I think this is out of print, either way, I know I don't have it here." she spoke absently upon re-entering the room, "This is mine, it is pretty old." she said apologetically handing him the worn book, a collection of various poems.

He took the book and flipped through it with interest.

"Just about all of the poems we talked about are in there and I would like you to have it." she smiled warmly at him. "It is a good starting point." she told him.

Castiel stood and this time extended his hand, "Thank you." he said with a small upturned smile, this time taking her small hand in both of his, seeming truly grateful for the gift.

"You're welcome." she nodded "I've enjoyed your company, please come back when you can." she told him earnestly.

"I will, perhaps next week." he said, nodding and releasing a rare small smile, before turning to leave.

That was the beginning, the angel would visit the small book store regularly from that day forward. He would enjoy conversation and the company of the young woman. The longer he was on earth the, more comfortable he became and the more relaxed he became in her presence. Before long their conversations grew beyond books, still, he never told her who or what he was, by the same token she never offered a personal history of her own. He knew only that she alone owned the store, lived above it with her son and owned the building it was located in. She never mentioned the boy's father and he did not pry. She was one of the few humans he would grow to consider a friend.

On his third visit he noticed Olivia's left hand seemed injured. Upon further inspection, he realized it was not an injury, her left wrist and hand seemed to be stuck in an awkward position. Hand turned sideways and fingers slightly curled, she almost always kept it hidden in her pocket when customers were in the shop. He understood she was hiding the deformity from others and it occurred to him the only reason he noticed it, was because she felt comfortable enough with him to let down her guard. While he was curious as to the cause and he noticed from time to time, she would wince, as though it caused her pain, he never mentioned it, because she never spoke of it.

After a few months of his visits, Olivia dropped her guard further asking him to join her for an art exhibit, stressing this was not a date. She simply felt he might enjoy it. He accepted and in fact did enjoy himself. It was the first of many such outings with her.

Olivia balanced the note and the book against her chest, with her left hand, as she turned the lock and opened the door with the other. She walked out onto the stoop and then down the steps just in time to see a flash of tan cloth at the corner.

"Castiel" she yelled, and ran after him.

The angel stopped when he heard the familiar voice. In part he wanted to see Olivia to tell her good bye face to face, she had always been kind to him. Her door always open to him and if he were honest, he would greatly miss their weekly conversations. If he were blatantly honest, he would miss her smile, laugh, the way her hair smelled when she leant over him to share a reading or set down a mug of tea or coffee. Most of all he would simply miss her presence, as she was a pleasant addition to his long and lonely existence.

He turned to face her.

"Castiel? What is it? What is wrong?" She asked him concerned,shocked by his expression and knowing he would have never returned the book unless something were terribly wrong.

Castiel was often expressionless, what she saw was beyond that, he looked like nothing she could explain, but it broke her heart.

"Olivia" he said walking towards her. "I'm sorry, I thought I had missed you." he explained.

"You know I am never gone long Castiel? What is wrong?"

He was silent as he looked at her.

"I needed to tell you good bye" he told her, his tone more earnest and less matter of fact than usual.

She studied his face and his stance. He looked, disheartened, disillusionedor maybe disenchanted, she wasn't sure what the word was for it, but she was certain it started with 'dis' and was it was the worst word ever. She was also certain he was not getting away this easy, it was obvious he was in no condition, at least emotionally, to go off alone… anywhere.

"No come with me" she said holding out her hand to him.

"Olivia" he said again sounding sad and exasperated, "I can not stay here." his face falling further, for having to refuse her request.

"Is that it Castiel? You need a place to say?" she questioned.

He closed his eyes and shook his head, "I need a great many things" he told her solemnly, none of which anyone here can provide.

Olivia didn't know what had happened to him, she didn't know the cause but, she knew what it was to feel alone in the world.

"Don't be so sure." she said with a small smile. "Come… come on." she said again, offering her good hand.

The angel nodded reluctantly, but accepted, taking the book from her left hand as she held his, in her right leading him back to the store.

Once inside Olivia locked the door and turned the closed sign. "Come on" she told Castiel and he followed her through the store into the back room that was her office and stock room. She opened a brown wooden door that led up a wide staircase to her apartment above.

He followed her as she climbed the stairs. He had never seen her personal living space before and he was a bit bemused despite his sullen mood. The main room was a bright and open loft. A kitchen and dining area in one corner, the opposite corner was obviously meant for her son Danny, filled with toys, a video game system, bean bags for sitting. A large living room and office space on the other side. All of it painted a deep golden yellow with cream trim. Castiel decided the room was 'happy' if happy were a color this would be it.

"Sit" she instructed, taking him to the deep red sofa and watching him sink down, slow and stiff.

She sat next to him and turned to face the angel. "Please tell me."

"Olivia, I can not tell you." he said full of sorrow.

"Well you can't just leave this way either."

"Things have changed" he said softly, looking away. "Things are not what I believed them to be Olivia." he tried his best to help her understand, while not telling her too much.

"Castiel what do you mean?" she asked confused.

"I am not who you think I am" he said apologetically, "I am not even certain I am…. what I think I am any longer."

She narrowed her eyes at him and reached out to touch his face. It was the first time she had touched him this way, he again was taken off guard by the warmth and softness of her hand on his skin. He closed his eyes and held back a shudder that threatened to run through his body.

"Olivia you don't understand." he whispered in protest of her touch, while inside he did not want her to remove her hand from his cheek.

Confusion.

She leant closer to him and he raised his hand to hers as it rested against his cheek, he pressed it against face… yes he liked the feeling.

She smiled at his gesture, "Tell me, then I promise I will understand." she whispered consolingly.

He bowed his head still holding tightly to her hand, as she inched closer, "Please" she begged. "What ever it is, you have become my friend and I will do what I can to help you Castiel."

His head remained low, his hand still pressing her own hand to his cheek taking in the feel of her warmth, this small gesture, this offering of comfort was calming and for the moment the only thing that felt solid and unwavering. His first tear fell.

Olivia didn't ask any more questions she merely pulled him closer with her other hand and he rested his head against her as thousands of years worth of tears rained down and the sobs of an immortal soul escaped his lips.

She held him and he clung tightly to her. Her heart broke, still having no idea what caused him such pain.

Castiel held on, she was not the answer but, she was relief, she was real and she was true. She was there, she was waiting on him and she would not turn her back.

He found himself leaning harder against her and his face burrowing deeper into her neck and shoulder, his arms his pulling her closer and his hands seeking to feel her warmth under them. She did not pull away nor resist.

Instead she ran fingers through his hair and spoke calm and soothing words into his ear. His sorrow was quickly being replaced with something new. A need to fill the empty space. To fill it with the smell of her skin and hair, the things he had enjoyed from a distance now filling his senses as his head swam in them. Her left hand pressed flat against his back as she gently rubbed working to calm in further.

Soon he found himself calm with her arms around him and her scent and warmth surrounding him, her gentle words soothing him, yet, his heart was now thudding and his breathing becoming short.

"Olivia" he whispered looking up at her, "You need to know-" he started but, his mouth was just to close to hers and instead he found his lips pressed against hers instead.

The kiss was soft, slow, gentle. His first, his first real kiss of his own initiative. Unlike the brothel episode, he wasn't sure what to call that, but it was nothing like this moment.

He pulled away lowering his head once again.

"I-I'm sorry" he whispered breathless, working to regain control.

"You didn't want to kiss me?" she questioned with a small laugh.

"Yes… I did, but I shouldn't" he tried to explain.

This time she tilted her head confused.

"I am not what you think I am." he told her for the second time.

"Then what are you?"

Again he lifted his head to her face, attempting to find the words that would explain his existence to her. Giving up.

Reaching deep for the angel within he replied. "I shouldn't be here." he said flat and mono-tone.

Olivia hung her head. "Fine" she said calmly, "But take the book… It was a gift not a loan and I know you enjoy it, I've never seen you with out it since I gave it to you."


	2. Chapter 2

**_I'm going to put a warning on the next few chapters they will deal with some less than pleasant issues. the first will be child abuse the second domestic abuse. i dont intend to glorify the issues but they are relevant to the story. You've been warned._**

**_now on with the show. this chapter should go a long way toward fleshing out O and her world, Cass has a few realizations and the next chapter will be more interesting in so much as they will get to know each other much better and Castiel will choose his battle._**

**_enjoy and again feedback is most important here. if this is not appealing to anyone i am going to stick it on the back burner. so far so good with reviews but.. this one is a little different for me._**

**_xox_**

**Expect the Unexpected**

**Chapter 2**

Olivia paced the small office of the Kansas City Doctor, Jason Stem was his name. He was an older and sympathetic man for one who came so highly recommended. Over her lifetime she had seen many doctors who had various opinions about the condition of her hand. She found the most celebrated, were usually the most cold and technical, more than a few suggested amputation. She considered most of those to be assholes. Her hand wasn't useless, she had lived with it this way since she was four years old and she hand managed to master the same skills as everyone else.

She wasn't here to have it corrected, she was here because it hurt. Most of her life it didn't really hurt but, as she grew older the gnarled and misaligned bones had become arthritic, developing spurs that were now impinging on nerves. The steady stream of over the counter pain medications and muscle rubs where no longer calming the raw jags of sharp pain, especially in the colder months.

The Doctor entered the room with a file folder in one hand and several larger envelopes in the other. He apologized for keeping her waiting and then continued straight ahead with his opinion.

"I think you have several options." he told her, in a tone the was positive.

"Right now I would just like it to stop hurting." she told him honestly.

The older man nodded sympathetic, "And I am afraid that might be the most difficult problem to solve." he said sitting at his desk and turning his lap top to face her. He was showing her MRI films of her hand. He pointed out several spurs and the nerves they were pressing against.

"Because of your young age at the time of the injury, many of the small bones where not fully formed." he began.

"As you grew much of the damage grew as well, trapping and compressing nerves and many tendons and ligaments as well. This explains your lack of movement."

Olivia nodded, she had heard all of this before.

"I propose we re-break the hand, and work on freeing as many nerve endings as we can." he offered. "It is possible I could set it in such a way, I could restore much of your range of motion and even give you more use of it."

"Will it relieve the pain?"

"Some" he told her, "But more than likely not all. Still it should be able to be controlled much easier."

"And if I don't do this what are my options?"

"Stronger medications and possibly nerve blocks, both of which will only bring you more limitations in the long run."

Olivia sighed, this was not news to her either.

She had no choice but to agree to the surgery.

***

Castiel sat on the park bench farthest from the park, the sun was setting and most of the children there playing were leaving, running home towards the calls of anxious mothers, it was dinner time, or time for homework. Most of the young mothers with younger children had already left. He tilted his head and watched with quiet interest and the dark haired boy and his taller blonde counter part raced to their bikes. The angel looked up at the setting sun and a small smile crossed his lips. "Home before dark Danny." he could hear his mothers voice telling the boy as he had many times before.

The angel hadn't intended to come back to Arcadia when he left the bookstore three weeks before. He said good bye to Olivia and trudged forward looking for answers in the midst of despair. He found none. He spent the time watching humanity, discovering much good and much evil. Perhaps they were not worth saving, perhaps his father was right to give up. It seemed for every good deed he witnessed, there were at least ten acts of pure evil, human evil but, evil just the same.

For three weeks he just kept moving, He would rest when he could, always reaching into his pocket and pulling out the worn book. He would often close his eyes and run his long slender fingers over the worn, frayed leather cover, then open the book and feel the pages no longer crisp but, softened by time under his finger tips. This was as close to content as he found him self of late. These were the sensations that reminded him of his time at the small bookstore and of Olivia. This was the reason he returned to Arcadia.

The playground now empty, Danny and Brian safely on their way home, neither of the boys had seen him. he sat back in the bench and under the glow of the street light began to flip though the pages of the book. He took time to look at and read the small notes that Olivia had scribbled here and there on the margins of the pages. Seeing the gentle curves of her handwriting, somehow put him at ease.

He remembered what she had told him about poetry when he found he didn't not understand most of it at first.

She explained to him that a poem was more like a painting, while it held meaning, in most cases it wasn't so much about what the author intended, as much as it was about what the reader took away.

He put this to practice, as he would read his favorites, then close his eyes and envision a picture in his mind, studying the meaning, deciphering what he was taking away.

However lately when he closed his eyes, he saw Olivia and nothing else. Since he saw her last, his arms almost ached when he thought of her, when he remembered how she held him that day, when he held her… kissed her. His lips still became warm and electric when he thought of the sensation of his mouth pressed against hers.

He closed the book and slid it into his pocket again, looking at the sidewalk, which led to the road, that would take him to the bookstore, he tried to resist the urge to go there. The urge was too strong, he wanted to see Olivia, he wanted to hear her voice and her laughter, he wanted to kiss her again.

***

Olivia closed her cell and tossed it on the passenger seat of the car, she was running late and had called the Greysons to make sure Danny had come home to do his homework and wasn't making himself a nuisance.

Emile and Ken Greyson were an older couple who owned the small market on the corner of her block. The store was small and was more of a convenience store than a grocery but, they were a nice old couple who had gone out of their way to help her from the moment she arrived in town. Emile had offered to take on the task of watching Danny while she went to see the doctor in Kansas City.

*****

Castiel rounded the corner and could see the bookstore in view. The first thing he noticed was that it was dark inside. He thought it strange that Olivia would have closed so early in the evening and hoped she was alright. As he approached the door he looked inside and didn't see her. He rang the buzzer to the side of the door, he knew that it would ring in the apartment upstairs. He stood and waited a few moments but, there was no answer. He walked down the stairs and looked up at the windows. He saw no lights, and began to think perhaps she had taken Danny out to dinner. He decided he would wait this time.

Castiel began to walk to the corner store when a boy rushed passed him on a bike.

"Danny" he called, recognizing the boys helmet in the setting light.

The boy stopped and looked behind him. "Castiel?" he questioned.

The angel nodded.

"Mom's not here. She went to Kansas City today." the boy informed him. "I thought you moved or something?" the boy asked.

"I went away a for a while" the angel explained. "Will she be home soon?"

"Yeah anytime now… I think." the boy replied. "Mrs. Greyson would know."

Just then an older man came out onto the stoop of the corner store.

"Who you talking to Danny?" the older man asked.

"This is mom's friend," Danny started to introduce the angel. "His name is Castiel."

The older man squinted in the dark and looked the angel over, deciding he met with his approval, "Olivia should be back soon." the man informed. "She had an appointment out of town."

A moment later Olivia parked in front of the bookstore, Castiel watched as she opened the car door and stepped out. He wasn't certain how she would feel about him being there. He wasn't certain if she were upset or angry at him for leaving.

He looked directly at her as she approached the corner, and she smiled but with a curious look.

"Danny get your things together and put your bike around back." she instructed the boy, who parked his bike and ran into the store to do as he was told.

"He wasn't any trouble." the older man told her as she turned to face him.

"Good" she nodded "and thank you"

"Oh it's nothing we enjoy having him here. Gives Emile someone to look after besides me.. And I enjoy the break." he laughed.

"And you?" Olivia asked looking at Castiel, "I thought you were gone?"

The angel looked down at the ground before looking up with a small smile. "I couldn't stay away." he said softly.

"Does that mean you'd like to come inside." she asked with a smile.

"Very much so." he answered.

***

Once inside the apartment Danny dropped his back pack next to the door and ran off to his room. Olivia rolled her eyes as she bent to move it out of the way. Then motioning to Castiel to follow her to the kitchen.

"Will you tell me now, what's going on?" she asked him directly, grabbing two glasses from a cabinet and filling them with ice.

"There is much I need to tell you Olivia." the angel answered calmly.

She again noted the same look of defeat on his face and looked at him with concern. "Castiel what is so terrible?" she asked setting the glasses on the table and turning to take his hand.

He closed his eyes at her touch, once more taking in the warmth that seemed to radiate from her, though him when she touched him.

"I will tell you everything soon." he told her.

"Soon?" she questioned.

"When we are alone," he told her nodding in the direction of Danny's room.

"He is staying with Brian this weekend." she informed the angel. "Is that soon enough?"

"Yes." He nodded.

"…And now?" she asked handing him a glass of ice tea. "Are you going to run off again?"

"No… and I am sorry for my behavior at my last visit."

She nodded at him "come on." she said nodding toward the sofa.

***

Inez Thorten was Olivia's closet friend in Arcadia, she was Brian's mother and probably the most free spirited person Olivia had ever met. At the time Olivia arrived in the small town, Inez was happily married and herself pregnant with her first child, Brian. The two became friends quickly and she was the only person in Arcadia who knew the details of Olivia's past.

Five years ago after the birth of Inez's second child, Erin, she and her husband divorced. Inez jumped back into single life with both feet and had been trying to drag Olivia with her ever since. Olivia was much more reserved and probably more than that, she didn't really care to date. After the things she had been through, she didn't know if that would ever change. For the moment however, she preferred to spend her time with her son, working in her store and if she wanted companionship she found it more important to cultivate a few friendships rather than search for true love… something she didn't believe in anyway.

"Vee c'mon, I say we dump the kids on my Ex and we go have some fun this weekend." Inez persisted. For the last 30 minutes she had been at the bookstore trying to convince her friend to go out for the evening.

"Not this weekend I told you I have plans."

"Yeah and you won't tell me what those plans are, so I can only assume it involves alphabetizing all these books… or worse." Inez complained.

"No I am not planning on alphabetizing the books… I did that last week." Olivia told her sarcastically.

"Then what.. Cleaning the oven, shampoo the carpets? Honestly Vee I love you… But dammit girl, you need to go out. It's not like fun is going to walk through that door."

"Inez I promise I have plans… but if you want me to take the boys so you can go out… I'll figure something out."

"You really have plans.. Not just sitting home alone?"

Just then the buzzer that signaled a customer had come though the door went off interrupting their conversation.

"Mom" Olivia heard Danny shout as the shop door slammed "We're back."

Danny and Brian had come to the store to wait on Inez after school, Olivia had quite a few customers at the time so she sent them to the bank and the drug store to pick up her medication then told them they could spend an hour at the park while they waited. Now they had returned, which told Olivia it was close to 5:00 pm. Closing time and definitely time to get Inez out there, before Castiel decided to show up.

"So are they staying with me or going with you?" Olivia asked her friend, referring the boys.

"I'm taking them… it's my turn.. But.. Olivia Marks you had better not spend the entire week end alone in that apartment." her friend scolded.

Olivia walked out of the back room into the store, "Danny get your things together." she told the boy.

"Wow you are in a hurry all of the sudden." Inez said following her friend to the front.

"Not really, " she said trying to sound as natural as possible, "It's just closing time and I'm more than ready for the break."

Again the buzzer sounded and Olivia looked up to see Castiel come through the door.

"Olivia" he greeted and she smiled at him, she couldn't help it.

"I'll be done if a few minutes." she told him.

He nodded and moved toward the back of the store.

Inez turned her head from the tall stranger in the trench and then to her friend, before watching him walk to the back of the store, stopping now and again to study the contents of a shelf.

"Just how long have you had these plans?" Inez whispered jerking her head in the direction of the angel. "And how come I have never heard of these plans before?" she asked with mock suspicion, looking him up and down.

"A while" Olivia answered tight lipped narrowing her eyes at her friend.

"Just how in depth are these plans?" She continued as she watched the angel walk slowly through the store.

"He's a friend that's all Inez." Olivia sighed.

"Well it's a start." she said, giving her friend a wink and a smile. "The trench is kinda kinky though.. You think he'd flash me?" she asked with a giggle.

"Inez!" Olivia scolded.

"Vee… loosen up…. And call me later with the details." she whispered as she ushered the boys out of the shop.


	3. Chapter 3

**Rated MA for many reasons yes there is smut but, Olivia shares the detatils of her past with Castiel, it's not pretty be warned.**

_Castiel tells her what he is and what is going on and she reacts. I think she reacted they way someone in he position would. I gave this a great deal of thought before i wrote it I am very curious what you think of it._

_A few things while I have a minute. Once again this story is going to be more about Castiel and less about the Winchesters and while they will be in it here and there unlike my other story where things are a group effort this will not be the case here. O is going to be a secret for a large part of the story this is what he does when he is on his own. as i said this is a bit different for me. We are going to address the *drinking of the liquor store as well" for 2 reasons. One i had already planned to get him hammered one way or another in this story and 2 this is the road to the end... and stoner Cas. while I am giving him a lover and friend. I still see him falling victim to many human vices along the way. reviews are a must to keep me on track so be generous and kind with them._

_enjoy_

_ep_

_xox_

**Blame**

**Chapter 3**

Olivia locked the doors behind Inez and the boys then began the daily ritual of closing the store. Castiel came back to the front and watched as she collected a stack of books and emptied the contents of the cash register into a bank bag.

She noticed him watching her and couldn't quite place the look on his face.

"I'm glad you came back Castiel." she told him, as she zipped the bank bag closed and placed it on top of the small stack of books, before she started to throw switches to turn off the shop lights.

Castiel stood behind her, while a small smile rested on his lips, his eyes still seemed to be dulled with the remnants of something else. He looked tired and sad, slightly better than he had a few weeks ago but still, these where not the same eyes she was used to seeing.

Olivia reached for the stack of books on the counter but, the angels hands beat her to it.

"Let me" he said with a slight nod, and she pulled her hands awa,y reaching instead for the small bag of medication that Danny had left on the counter earlier.

He followed her as she made her way through the main isle to her office area and she gathered her handbag and keys then moved the wooden door that let to her apartment.

She closed and locked the door at the top of the stairs behind them, once Castiel came through.

"You can set them there." she told him, referring to the books, while pointing to the table near the kitchen and he did as he was instructed.

She walked into the kitchen and pulled a diet soda from the fridge and offered one to the angel. He accepted, he had no need for it but, he had never refused anything she offered him.

Olivia reached for his coat this time, he considered and then slipped off his trench and suit jacket.

"I hope this means you are planning to stay a while this time." she said smiling at Castiel.

"As long as you wish me to stay." he told her, his voice gruff, nervous.

"As long as you want." She smiled at him, as she picked up the bag of medication with her left hand. Castiel couldn't help but notice the condition of her hand again, although the fingers were bent she seemed to, manipulate it with no problems, it was the wince of pain he noticed on her face that disturbed him.

After hanging his coat, he followed her to the sofa and he sat, sinking deep down into the cushions, she sat next to him, turning to face him.

He looked down, this time at her hands and the small smile returned to his lips as he remembered how warm and soft they felt in his own. He slowly slid his hand to hers and wrapped long fingers around it as he looked at her. She again couldn't help but looking into his eyes, and saw a swirl of many things, there was something in them now that told her he was lost, and just a small amount of fear shone through.

"Tell me." she whispered as she crept closer to him. "tell me what's happened." she asked again and raised a hand to touch his cheek. Once more he responded to this contact by lowering his head but, this time it was to bring his lips closer to hers, he hoped she would respond in kind and she did.

"I will tell you everything but, it will take time." he whispered back, in what sounded more like a low soft growl, just before his lips made contact with her.

His chest thrilled all over again at the feel of her mouth on his, this kiss was just as slow and gentle as the last had been but, this time much it lasted much longer and while clumsy, it was filled with more desire and less trepidation than the last. He allowed his lips to linger over hers, brushing against hers repeatedly, tenderly playing and tugging at each others lips. His hands crept up Olivia's arms around to her back, tangling his fingers in her hair feeling the silken locks fall through is fingers.

When his mouth finally released her soft full lips, he rested his forehead against hers with closed eyes, taking in her smell and softness as his heart thudded loudly in his chest.

"I am not what I appear to be Olivia." he whispered

"You keep saying that but, I don't understand what you mean?" she told him without pulling away.

"It will be easier to understand if I show you. Do you trust me Olivia?"

"Yes" She nodded.

"You will be safe I promise." he assured her. "Think of someplace you would like to be.. To go."

"Like?" she questioned confused.

"Anywhere at all." he told her. Pulling away to stand and then pulling her up to her feet, he looked down upon her. "Are you ready?" he asked.

Olivia looked up at him, there was something different in his eyes now. They were softer and more confidant. She swallowed hard trying to figure him out, what he meant what he was trying to tell her or show her. She could never have imagined what was about to come.

"Yes." she said "Show me."

***

An hour later Olivia and Castiel were again sitting on her sofa, this time however, Olivia understood what he was, or at least thought she did. He had taken her where she had wanted to go. She had no idea what he meant, why he would ask her to pick such a place so she choose a zoo she had been to as a child. One of her few good childhood memories. Unfortunately for Castiel she ended up amazed and yet terrified at the same time. Since their return, her fear created some distance between them.

"I don't understand why you are here with me?" she looked at him confused, he could sense she was trying hard not to be afraid of him.

"Please Olivia don't be frightened of me." he asked, his voice as soft and gentle as he could make it. "You are the last person on earth I would ever cause harm." He reached his hand out to her but, she moved hers away looking at him as if it were for the first time.

"I.. I don't understand Castiel… the world is ending and you are sitting him my home?" she said, getting up and moving toward the windows at the side of the loft apartment, putting even more distance between them as she looked out over downtown Arcadia.

"Because you became my friend, because.. Even though I don't understand the emotions… somehow you became more… much more, when I attempted to leave humanity behind." he explained, getting up to walk across the room and stand just behind her, while again keeping his voice soft and even.

He had frightened her, it was the last thing he wanted to do, he just didn't know how else to make her believe and now he wasn't sure how to reassure her.

He again took a chance and reached out a hand for her shoulder as she stood facing the windows. It touched down gently just across the top. She didn't move away and allowed his hand to stay.

"It's alright." he told her. "Perhaps I should have found another way. Or perhaps I should have told you sooner." he said.

She nodded still looking away from him but he could feel her relaxing under his touch. Finally she turned to look at him, the fear in her eyes was lessening, he could see she was trying to comprehend what… he was.

"I-I" she stammered.

"It's alright Olivia. It will take sometime for you to understand. If you want, I will go… give you time to think this over." he offered.

"No" she said placing her hand on his arm tightly, as if afraid he would leave again.

"Okay I will stay… as long as you want me here." he told her, sensing she was afraid he might leave.

"Come here." he took her hand, "You should sit down."

She followed and sat as he instructed. Several times it looked as though she were going to speak but…. didn't.

"I haven't changed," he started to explain "I am no different than I was an hour ago." he told her, giving her a small smile.

She nodded "I just.. I don't understand why…."

"You're afraid." he said understanding.

"Yes and more."

"I wish… I wish I knew what to tell you." he said earnestly. "The only thing I know for certain is that I could not leave you behind… I needed to come back here for you… to be with you."

"What happened that day you came here? The day you left. It had to be horrible. What was it?"

Now it was his turn to pull back. He wanted to tell her but she was already frightened.

"One thing at a time Olivia… I will tell you everything as you are ready to know."

"I'm ready"

"You are not." he told her firmly. "You are still too frightened by what I am."

"No" she said shaking her head. "I'm angry., not just afraid."

"Angry?" he asked confused.

"Why are you here now? Where were you when I needed you? Where was God then?"

"Needed me?" he again asked confused.

"Yes" she looked at him hurt. "Needed you… when I still believed."

***

The sun was just about to rise Castiel could see through the cracks in the blinds of Olivia's bedroom, the blackness of night was lifting to the grey of morning. She shifted in her sleep, her head resting against his chest, her arm flung over him. No longer afraid or angry, not with him anyway. He sighed and licked his lips as he felt her leg, smooth and warm brush against his own. The aching was making a return, He would let her rest when she woke they would make love again, but for now she needed rest and he needed a plan.

Castiel understood how and why her fear of him quickly turned to anger. When Olivia stood and turned her back to him. Lifting her top, showing him the scars on her back, he found himself angry too. How could her cries have been ignored. Just where the hell was his father in a world where a child could be harmed in such a way. Even now hours later, the thought of what had been permitted to happed to her stirred his anger caused him to seethe. Had he been one who heard her and ignored her pain, her fear, her torture? As an angel they often looked the other way, it was their orders. But now he had to question who was giving those orders. He had to question the orders at all. Had he allowed this to happen?

He didn't know, he honestly didn't know… This realization horrified him and only compounded his own pain, his own betrayal. He vowed would take care of this, too little, too late perhaps, but there would be reprisals, he would see to it, he would not ignore her cries.

After she showed him, She told him of her father. How he was gone more than he was home, he was a salesman, and a crappy one at that, but at least it meant he wasn't home often. Up until she was 4 his favorite punishment, when he was home, was to burn her, usually with his cigar, but he found other things too. The burning ended when she was 4, after he had crushed her hand in his own for spilling a glass of milk. Because the coward was afraid of being punished, her hand was left untended and healed badly on it's own. When she started school two years later, her mother told them it was a birth defect. Olivia who was terrified of her father never told them any different.

After that he moved on to beatings, careful not to leave permanent damage. Once she was older, she avoided going home at all when he was there. No one seemed to notice, her mother was rarely sober and neither was her father when he was home.

After Graduation she married Curtis Baxter and the cycle started again. He tortured her in indescribable ways, emotionally and physically. Danny saved her, she told him, with out him she would have never had the courage to leave… to run away.

As she spoke he wanted to hold her, pull her close to him, make her feel safe, after she showed him the scars on her back wanted to kiss each one. She wouldn't let him, she again moved away. He listened and ached to hold her tightly against him as she told the rest of her story. He didn't have the words to sooth her, he didn't have an explanation as to why such things were permitted to happen, he himself had come to doubt there was a reason, besides cruelty, disguised as benevolence and he was ashamed he was a part of it.

He tried once more to wipe her tears, needing to hold her firmly against him. Again she moved away. He wanted kiss her forehead and then her mouth. He wanted to linger there telling her none of those things changed how beautiful she truly was. He wanted to hold her broken and twisted hand in his own and kiss each finger. But she was angry… angry with God… angry with him.

When she was finally calm he spoke to her. He sat in the dark with her and told her everything that was happening, he told her that God didn't care to fix any of it, not her, not the world. Humanity was on it's own, he had no idea how long this had been the case but, he felt it had been longer than he ever imagined. He broke once more, the tears of an ancient being spilled over and he broke. He fell to his knees and he promised her, come what may, he was there, he would always be there, he would stand and fight alone if he had to.

When she finally turned to face him… looking down on his face he could tell she understood what had caused him so much pain and she dropped to the floor with him and once again held him against her. There in the middle of her darkened living room floor, they held tightly to each other. Both of them broken, both of them betrayed by their creators.

His face buried deeply into her neck, again he was overcome and his mouth found hers. The kisses held much more heat than the previous ones had. Soon passions were rising and teeth and tongues were clashing and hands sought the warm and healing flesh of the others body.

Their first time was clumsy and more than a little rough and needy. They pulled each other to their feet and almost on instinct, sought a spot to crash into each other. They made it as far as the bedroom, but once she leaned back against the closed door it was all but over. Her hands fumbled at his belt and button as he did the same. This was a first for him but, he knew the basics, he had witnessed the act with much curiosity on many occasions and gave it more than a little thought over the last 3 weeks as he fell victim to many human vices. Sex however, he did refrain from and now with her in his arms he knew he was simply waiting for her, not avoiding the act.

His pants managed to come free and drop as did her jeans and he lifted her against him, feeling her legs wrap tightly around his waist and he turned, pressing her against the now closed door, while his fingers worked their way under her shirt. It was at that moment he slid inside her, almost inadvertently, and he was taken away in a rush of sensation he could not have anticipated. She responded by digging the nails of her right hand into his shoulder as a strangled moan of his name burst from her lips. This only drove him deeper inside her as he gasp for air, his hands and arms holding her securely, lovingly and his mouth seeking to taste hers.

His breathing short and almost impossible, he thrust again, then again. Her body responding warm and wet. The heat growing, feeling himself wrapped tightly and deeply inside her. He grunted her name and she tightened more and soon it ended, as he felt her clamp down hard around him and a wave of heat took over, leading the aching in his groin to coil and then peak as though had let go his footing on the edge of a cliff and was now falling free and wild knowing she was there to catch him.

Their mouths meeting and the kisses still hard and deep. Olivia's hands worked their way to his face him arms still strong around her. "I didn't think.. Angels… did that." she laughed breathless.

"I do now.." he responded equally as breathless and amused.

"Now what? She questioned.

"Now I want more of you." he whispered as he kissed her.

****

The room became lighter as he looked back on the night… they made love several times. Each time slower and more wonderful than the last and while it didn't change a damn thing for either one of them, the world somehow looked more hopeful when he was with her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Rated Ma for SMUT**

**Ok my beta called this Fuck yeah Castiel. but then again she likes him mean and grumpy. He has an attitude in this one for sure. this is alot of what is going through his head and just how badly he is taking this new feeling of helplessness. **

**Feed back love to know how it reads**

**Enjoy**

**ep**

**xox**

**Choice**

**Chapter 4**

Castiels mouth covered Olivia's as he reached down with one hand to raise her hip tighter against his own, his other hand behind her head pressing her mouth to his even harder. His eyes rolled in his head as the sensations of her body under his took him over. There was no pain, no doubt, no anger, when he was with her like this, only bliss and perfection, his new heaven.

Olivia's arms were wrapped around the angel, her nails digging into the flesh of his back harder and deeper with each thrust. Her tiny moans and whimpers of pleasure escaping into his mouth as she sucked and bit his tongue. Their bodies rocked together in an almost perfect rhythm the angel had set. He could smell her and he could taste her, Olivia's skin so perfect and soft against his own, his mind and body pressed towards the edge of rapture. This.. This is what he wanted to feel always.

His mouth pulled from hers and he arched his neck in ecstasy when she shifted her hips slightly but, just enough to allow him deeper access into her. He grunted "Yes Olivia" as he felt her change position and was enveloped deeper. She moaned and whispered "harder" as he thrust. He did as he was instructed and looked down on her as she arched her back and her legs tightened around him, nails digging into his back so hard he could feel the sting of his skin breaking, the sensation only increasing his desire.

Soon her head tossed back and he leant into her harder, the pace and the power of his thrusts increasing, he felt her clenching around him and the heat inside of her rise, it became too much "Olivia I can't--" and he was cut off by his own series of grunts as he came deep inside her, matching her spasm for spasm.

When it was done he lay soaked in sweat, collapsed on top of her chest. He could hear her heart beating fast and his head rose and fell with her rapid breathing. Her fingers played in his hair as he licked and gently nibbled the flat place between her breast, one long finger gently tracing a circle around a firm and still aching nipple.

"I've missed you" she breathed out still trying to calm the rapid rate, her breath escaped.

"You have no idea" he responded, spent and just as breathless, pressing her right breast to his mouth tenderly kissing then lapping the mound of flesh.

Two weeks had passed since the had spent that first weekend with her. Afterwards he left to go and find the Winchesters and continue on with his own agenda. He was still determined to find his father, although now, he was no longer seeking his help, instead he planned to demand an explanation.

The world was becoming more dangerous by the day and he was determined to keep Olivia out of the battle. No one knew of their relationship and he was resolute, that no one would… It was just too dangerous. As a result, their time together was often limited, although, he came to see her, more often than once a week now, it was impossible for him to be with her as much as he would like.

Their visits were often brief, he would arrive late at night, after Danny was sleeping or early in the morning before he woke, only staying a few hours and then he would be gone again, until he felt certain it was safe to return, often 3 or 4 days would pass between.

He would be the first to admit, if he had someone to admit it to… When he wasn't with her… He wasn't well. He was broken, too broken to be fixed, He had discovered, the numbing effects of alcohol and just how easy it was to not give a damn… about anything, the world, the Winchesters, himself, nothing at all mattered. Then he would remember her. She took all of that away… she mattered, her son mattered…

He would come to her and they would make love and after she would hold him and they would talk, sometimes she would read to him. It didn't matter what they did as long as he could lay his head on her chest and hear her heart and feel her breathe, touch, taste and smell her skin, he was better with her, he wasn't broken in her arms, he was strong and he was sure.

Today was different, he arrived at the store just before lunch. When he got there she had a customer. She smiled and nodded at him and he went to the back room to wait. It wasn't long until she hung an 'out to lunch sign' and locked the door. She found her way to her office and the angel's waiting arms. He carried her up the stairs to bed and they had been there since.

"I didn't expect you, but I am glad you came." she told him stretching out against his body, feeling safe in his arms.

"I missed you, I couldn't stay away." he told her.

"Are you staying?" she questioned.

"Yes… Until tomorrow." he told her.

"Mmm good" She smiled and nuzzled her face against his chest.

"It's okay, that I stay?" he questioned. "I mean Danny will find me here when he comes home."

Olivia chuckled. "Danny knows all about you."

"You've told him?" he angel asked surprised, tilting his head to look down at her.

"The kid's smarter than I give him credit for." she said looking up to meet the angels gaze. "He asked last time you were here, why you never stayed."

"I guess I need to work on furtiveness." the angel said with a rare small laugh.

"Well we aren't exactly quiet when you are here" she giggled.

"Are you going to open the store again?"

"I don't think so, I'd rather be with you." she said with a content smile.

"Good" the angel said is a soft growl as he changed positions, rolling her to her back and then leaning over her.

Olivia shifted her arms draw him closer but winced, this time expressing more pain than he had seen previously.

"Olivia? Did I hurt you?" he asked, moving slightly and gently, taking her left hand in his.

"No… it wasn't you. It's worse lately." she explained.

"The new medication isn't working?" he asked concerned.

"I can't take it during the day, it makes me too tired."

"You need it." he scolded, lifting her hand to his mouth and kissing it tenderly. "Where is it?"

"In the kitchen, on the shelf… but." before she could finish he was up from the bed, slipping on his boxers and on his way to the kitchen.

He returned a few moments later with the bottle and a glass of juice.

"How many?" he asked opening the bottle.

"Just one, but I don't want to sleep the whole time you are here Castiel." she complained.

"You won't" he flashed a smile. "I will keep you too occupied."

He handed her the pill and then the glass of juice. She reluctantly put it in her mouth and swallowed it down with the juice.

"Very good" he told her taking the glass from her hand before slipping off the boxers and returning to his spot next to her under the comforter. "You shouldn't be in pain." he said matter of fact.

"I know… two more weeks and maybe it will be better"

"The surgery?" he asked.

"Yes."

"I will be with you." he said with the same matter of fact tone.

"You don't have to do that."

"Yes I do. If you need me, I will be there. I promise I will not let you down again."

"Castiel you didn't before. I was wrong to be angry."

"No you had every right. I could have stopped it, if not me…"

"Stop. If you want to come with me I would like it very much. But please don't come because you feel you let me down."

"I want to be there."

They made love again, then once more in the shower, afterwards he tucked her in bed. He told her to sleep a few hours, he would wait on Danny and see to it he did his homework and came home in time for dinner.

Olivia agreed, mostly because the effects of the medication made it impossible for her to argue. As he was drying himself she told him he now had a drawer and pointed it out to him.

He found clothes she had picked.

"I figured you had to be sick of the suit and trench." she told him.

"I never gave it much thought, but yes, I think a change is in order. At least when I am here."

"I'll get more eventually." she slurred, with a yawn.

He slipped on a pair of boxers from the drawer and then slid next to Olivia in her bed. "Go to sleep" he whispered stroking her hair and kissing her forehead. "I'll be here when you wake."

Soon her eyes closed and he kissed each eyelid as she drifted off.

****

Castiel stood unseen amongst the trees, his jaw set and his eyes narrowed burning with a hatred an angel should never feel for any of Gods creatures. He watched the older man stagger to his car. He wanted nothing more than to approach him and drag him straight to hell. He wanted to send him to the pit, he didn't care if he had to dig his way there with his bare hands.

In truth the angel wasn't even sure why he was there… it wasn't the first time though and something told him it wouldn't be the last. He was looking at Harvey Marks, Olivia's father. The first time he went, he just wanted to see the man up close. He needed to see the monster who did those terrible things to her, now he wanted to unleash unimaginable horrors loose upon his very soul. It had been two days since he last saw Olivia and he was feeling as dark and alone as ever and it would be at least two more until he could go to her again.

He kept his distance, just watching, waiting for the right time perhaps, he didn't know. It wasn't his job to condemn this man he told himself. It did little good, God was not God anymore. Whose job was it, if not his. It wouldn't take much, he could do to this man exactly what he had done to his child, his innocent child. Just teach him a lesson, a small one. Hell awaited him anyway, it was just too far off for Castiel's satisfaction.

He pulled himself away trying to tamp out the thoughts burning in his brain. His cell was ringing, Sam or Dean no doubt… they could wait, it wasn't like he was any good to them now anyway. It wasn't like there was anything anyone could do to change the current condition of the world, with or without him.

His next stop took him to the home of Curtis Baxter. He watched this man often as well. He had remarried and he even had two children. Castiel wondered if he had any clue at all about Danny. Olivia had told him he didn't, still how could he not know or care that he had a child? There was much Castiel wanted to do to this man as well, this one he wanted to beat with his bare hands. He didn't know why but, Curtis Baxter triggered an entirely different feeling of disgust inside him. Maybe it was because he promised Olivia protection and then treated her so horribly, worse tortured her, her mind, her heart, her soul, her body.

The Angel simply could not imagine raising a hand to hurt the woman. He simply could not even think it and he certainly would never allow it. Curtis Baxter ignited a different fury inside the angel. This one was harder to tamp out.

Again the phone rang and again he was pulled from his thoughts.

He reached in his pocket. It wasn't Sam or Dean it was Olivia.

"Olivia" he answered the call, too late the line was dead.

His voice mail had one message. "Danny was in an accident… Maybe I shouldn't have called. Never mind… I'm just scared." he heard her voice fumbling through the message.

He called her back but got no answer.

Then it rang again. "Olivia!" he answered quickly.

"Ummm no" he heard Deans voice on the other end. "Who's Olivia?"

"It's not important." the angel responded.

"Whatever you say… Look Cass we could use some help."

"When?"

"Now"

"Where are you?" the angel sighed, having to make a choice he didn't want to make.

***

"What?" Castiel greeted Dean rough as he appeared in the motel room

"Well don't sound so happy to be here." Dean quipped sarcastically.

"I'm not happy to be here… why should I sound it?" the angel growled out.

"Fair enough" Dean told him.

The elder Winchester went on to explain they had been called to a town where the people were falling ill. No one seemed to have an answer until the CDC discovered it was a virus that hadn't been seen for more than a Century.

"Pestilence." the angel confirmed with a single word.

"You're sure."

"As sure as I can be" he replied sounding irritated.

"Any other thoughts or do we just let him take over."

"I'll see what I can find out.. Is that all?" the angel responded impatient.

"No, I guess I am sorry to bother you Cass." Dean snapped.

"I told you I will find out what I can." the angel offered.

"You really just don't give a shit lately do you?" Dean questioned.

"Of course I do, but this fight is futile." the angel replied.

***

Castiel arrived in front of the bookstore to find it empty and locked. He called Olivia's cell again.

"Castiel?" she answered

"Olivia what happened."

"Danny… he took a spill on his bike. We are leaving the ER now."

"He is okay then?"

"Yes a sprain and a few stitches." she told him sounding relived.

"Tell me where you are I will meet you there."

***

A moment later the angel found Olivia at the local hospital helping Danny out of the doors.

"Let me" he said lifting the boy into his arms and walking him to the back seat of Olivia's car.

Once he was inside Castiel took a moment to put his arms around the woman.

"Your message said you were scared? Are you alright."

Olivia shook her head. "Danny said someone was following him, that is why he wrecked."

"Who?"

"I don't know a red car with an older man inside."

Castiel took a moment too look around the parking lot. He spotted a car in the next lot that met the description.

"Let's get him home, then I will find out who this is." the angel told her.


	5. Chapter 5

**The Other Me**

**Chapter 5**

Castiel stood on the rooftop of the building that housed Olivia's bookstore and apartment. He surveyed the street below for several blocks, looking for the red car and driver described by Danny.

After Castiel took the boy into the apartment and settled him on the sofa with his mother, he asked about the details of what had happened. Based on his conversation with Danny and Olivia, Castiel understood that the boy had finished his homework and was riding his bike to Brian's house, it was Wednesday and Olivia's store was open late. She was working on the display window when she saw Brian running down the sidewalk alone. He told her there had been a strange car following he and Danny and when they sped up to get back to the store, Danny hit a pot hole, wrecked his bike, and not couldn't walk. The car slowed then went around them and parked around the corner. By the time Brian returned to the spot with Olivia, the car was gone.

The angel carefully looked over the streets and found the same car he saw in the hospital parking lot. It was now parked about half way down the next block from where he stood.

Before the driver could react a hand burst through the drivers side window, gasping and holding him by the collar.

"I wouldn't do that." the angel warned him in a gruff voice, as the driver with the salt and pepper hair reached for the ignition.

"Who the hell are you?" the man questioned, putting on a brave front, although it was obvious he was terrified.

"Who I am isn't important, who you are is." Castiel replied pulling him from the car and slamming him hard against the back doors, his hand moving from the mans collar to his throat.

"It's none of your business who I am." the man, again, put on his best brave face.

Castiel responded by tightening his grip on the man's throat then sending him sailing, crashing into the wall of the building on the other side of the street.

"One more time" the angel growled lifting the man up to and then off of his feet, staring him in they eye, "Who are you? Why are you here?" He spoke the question clear and concise, with more than a bit of a snarl.

Again the man, refused to answer, and Castiel again sent him airborne into another wall, lifting him up into the air upon landing, he snarled into his face.

"There are far worse things I can and will do to you until you answer my questions." he hissed in the strangers face, preparing to send him hurtling through the air again.

"Alright! Alright." the stranger with the salt and pepper hair finally broke.

Castiel lowered him to the ground and shoved him forcefully into the wall with a hand on his chest.

"Talk." Castiel growled in his face.

"I--I'm Ken Baker, I'm a private investigator."

Castiel's eyes narrowed and glowered at the man, "Who sent you?"

"Charles Baxter… h- he sent me to find Olivia Marks."

Castiel's lip actually curled into a snarl at the mention of the sir name. "What do they want with her?"

""Her.. Her mom is sick I guess. Look they just want to find her and tell her… and they wanted me to giver her something."

"What?"

"It's an envelope, it's in the car."

Castiel dragged the man to the car. "Get it" he told him gruffly.

He did as he was told, then handed a white envelope to the angel.

"It's for the boy." the man explained.

Castiel again tightened his grip around the mans neck and shoved him back against the wall. "Did you tell them about the boy?" he hissed.

"No… No… I swear they already knew."

"How?"

" I don't know… I didn't tell them they told me."

Castiel brought his face closer to his. His lips pressed tight together, his eyes glowered at the man, resisting the urge to sink his fingers into his flesh and tear out his throat.

"Why were you following Danny?" he questioned.

"I--I was just trying to be sure it was the right kid. I didn't mean to scare him… I saw him fall and I even waited to make sure his mom came." the man explained.

"And the hospital? Why where you there?"

"I figured I could get his name… her name.. so I could be sure I had the right woman?"

"Go home… stay away… tell them, if Olivia wants to speak with them she will contact them. Otherwise leave her alone. I will not be this forgiving a second time." The angel spoke the words clearly into the mans face.

He nodded. "What are you?"

"I am the one who looks after them… and I promise will eradicate the next unwelcome visitor." The angel finished shoving the man in the direction of his car "GO" he told him one last time… And he did as fast as he could.

***

Inside he met Olivia as she was coming down the stairs.

"There you are?" she said stopping just before the bottom looking at the angel.

His expression was serious and Olivia could tell he was angry.

"What happened?"

"We need to talk… away from Danny." he told her quietly moving closer and holding out his hand. Olivia walked the down the rest of the stairs her eyes never leaving the angel.

"Did you see who it was?"

"Yes… It was a private investigator… Sent by Charles Baxter."

Olivia's head dropped and she let out a sigh.

"He won't be back." the angel assured her placing two fingers under her chin to raise her head again, and then lifting it further to meet is mouth. He kissed her softly. "They will stay away… I promise."

She nodded at him… "What did he want?"

"Your mother is ill Olivia… He gave no details. They also wanted him to give you this," he said reaching into his pocket and pulling out the envelope. "It is for Danny." he relayed

"They know about him?" she sighed.

"Yes."

Olivia looked around the room feeling almost trapped. She was not going back and there was no way she was letting her son near, the man who fathered him.

Castiel could see the look in her eyes and pulled her close to him. His arms wrapping around her, strong yet gentle. "Listen to me. He will not be back. They will not bother you. Do not worry." he told her again in a reassuring tone.

"What did you do?" she questioned him leaning her head against his chest.

"Nothing yet. I gave him a warning, one I expect he will not forget anytime soon." he said as he lowered his mouth to hers, first brushing her lips softly, then deepening his kiss. His hands traveling to her backside and slipping inside the back pockets of her jeans raising her to her toes and further deepening the kiss as her hands played in his already disheveled hair.

The knock on the back door startled both of them, until Olivia remembered why she had come downstairs to begin with.

"Pizza guy" she chuckled, and the angel nodded.

Olivia opened the door, paid the delivery boy, and thanked him setting the box down on her desk. She returned to the angels waiting arms.

"I have to go take care of a few things" he said softly kissing her forehead as he held her against him. "I will be back in a little while, call me if you need me in the meantime."

"I thought you were going..?"

Her question was cut off, "Not after what's happened here, I will stay with you for a day or two, just to be sure."

"Thank you." She whispered against his lips, kissing him tenderly.

Castiel pulled back from the kiss reluctantly. "I won't be long, but don't wait up, take your medication and rest. I will let myself in." he kissed her again. She nodded as he vanished.

***

"The town has been infected with a very old, yet mutated strain of influenza." The angel told the Winchesters as he sat in the chair of the seedy motel room.

"So what's that mean." Dean asked.

Castiel looked around at the garish décor and colors of the room, as he responded. "It means avoid the infected or you will become ill as well."

"What are we supposed to do?" Sam questioned. "Nothing"

"No you must locate the horseman and deal with him as you have the others. There is nothing you can do for the infected, you must protect yourselves or you will be able to do nothing at all." the angel told him.

"So where do we start?" Dean questioned.

"You start where the infection started and try to retrace his steps." the angel answered.

"…And you" Dean pressed.

"I have another matter to attend to." he told him, sounding irritated.

"Really now… it wouldn't happen to involve Olivia? Would it?"

The angel narrowed his eyes before looking away. "Olivia is my concern, not yours Dean."

"Who is she?" Sam asked out of curiosity.

"Do you really think I have spent nearly two years here on earth and you are the only humans I have met?" the angel asked incredulously.

"Umm well, yeah, I mean… you never mentioned anyone else." Sam defended his answer.

"Oh cut the crap Cass… who is she?" Dean asked, in his usual less than delicate tone.

Castiel pursed his lips and glowered at the elder Winchester before answering. " She is none of your concern, but if you insist on pushing the matter… She is a friend and her son has been injured, I have promised to look in on both of them later. I intend to keep that promise." he finished annoyed.

"She has a son… so is she married?" Sam asked.

"No" the angel answered flat.

"How was he hurt?" Dean continued to push.

Castiel sighed. "A bike accident.. He was being followed and he was frightened. It has been dealt with."

"They're okay though" Sam asked with some concern.

"Yes… as I said the situation has been taken care of."

"Who was following him?" Dean asked with more interest.

"It's a private matter… Human… It has nothing to do with the apocalypse."

"Okay so go check on them and we'll meet you back here in an hour." Dean told him.

"No."

"What do you mean no?" Dean snapped.

"I will be spending the next day or two looking after them both." The angel told him firmly. "You can contact me once you have information on the horseman."

***

Castiel arrived back at the book store just after midnight. Inside he checked the locks on the doors and took a moment to look inside the cash register. As he had thought it was still full, Olivia, had not taken the time to empty it in her rush to get to Danny. He emptied the contents into the bank bag as he had seen Olivia do many times and walked to the back of the shop.

Upstairs he hung his coat and he found Olivia asleep on the sofa, she lay curled up, wearing a light blue striped Pajama bottoms and soft white t shirt. He looked down on her for a moment before kneeling next to her and kissing her forehead as his long fingers brushed a few dark silken strands of hair from her face. Her eyes fluttered open and met the angels gaze.

"I told you not to wait up." he whispered

"I didn't" she answered her voice thick from sleep, with just the slightest hint of a slur. "I fell asleep watching the news."

"Let's get you to bed." he said as he slid his arms under her, lifting her gently against him as he carried her to the bedroom at the far end of the loft.

Once inside her room he lay her in bed and covered her with the comforter, then moved to the other side of the bed and began to undress before sliding in next to her, pulling her into his arms.

He expected that she would fall back to sleep once in bed, but she snuggled against him and looked up with sleepy eyes.

"I'm glad you're here." she told him.

"So am I…. Any trouble after I left?" he asked her, his voice soft and soothing.

"No it was quiet."

"Good" he said satisfied he had sent Mr. Baker packing and hopefully put and end to the situation.

"Thank you again." she smiled up at him earnestly. "For coming I mean. You didn't have to and I know… there are other things, more important things going on right now."

"Olivia you are important. I only stay away to keep you out of it, not because you mean less."

She nodded, "Still… thank you."

"Did you open the envelope?"

"No… I don't know if I want to know… what's in it."

"It's understandable, but Olivia it isn't going to go away… it might be better you know what is inside."


	6. Authors Note

I just wanted you to know I will more than likely not be updated this story until sometime after the weekend. I have somehow pinched a nerve in my elbow. If you have never done this let me assure you that you do not want to.

Sort of like the pain you get when you bang your elbow except it never goes away. OUCH. I have found NO pain meds that touch this and typing has become misery.

I am considering putting this story on Hiatus after the next update anyway. It started out good and I do have lots of faves and alerts on It, and I do have a good idea where it is going, but, I don't seem to get much feedback on it. Unless I hear other wise I will probably focus on the next part of my other story for a while. If you are reading let me know but for now it seems very few are.


	7. Chapter 6

**MA for smut**

Nothing exciting mostly just some feelings from the angel.

enjoy

feedback

ep

**What Normal Feels Like**

**Chapter 6**

Castiel lay, next to Olivia in the dark watching her sleep. Her back pressed against him. He rested an arm over her and she held the hand of that arm in both of her own snuggling it against her chest. There was a calm that came with being near her and he found it even more pronounced now, lying with her in the dark, listening to her breath, feeling her warm body relaxed against him. Her presence soothed him, and he simply found it hard to believe the end of the world, her world, was underway when he was with her.

He didn't understand his feelings for her at first, it made no sense to him that this woman could make him feel hope when he knew there was none. It wasn't until she was threatened by her past that he understood, he loved her. More… he was in love with her. Expressing this to her would not be easy. Olivia had made it clear to him during many conversations that she did not believe in love, not in the sense that it was endless and boundless, but that is exactly what he felt for her and as the sun rose outside of her apartment it is exactly what he wanted to prove to her.

The alarm clock sounded, loud, annoying, and too early. Olivia began to reach a hand out from under the warmth of her blanket, reluctantly pulling away from the warm body she lay against, when a larger hand reached over her and turned it off. Castiel pressed his lips to her ear and kissed lightly before nuzzling closer. "Good morning" he whispered.

"Mmm good morning" she replied, and she rolled over to face him feeling his arms surround her, pulling her body close and holding her securely. Olivia brought her face to his and gave him a sleepy smile as her hand stroked span from his chest to his shoulder, before moving her mouth closer to his. He wasted no time pressing his lips to hers. Slowly playing, licking and biting, then fervently covering her mouth with his.

His hands moved down her body and worked to free her of the pajama bottoms and then her t-shirt, while her own hand traced a path down his stomach and her fingers massaged his swollen cock through his boxers, finally tugging them away and grasping him in her hand, flesh against flesh. He let out a moan at the feel of her hand, and she kissed him tenderly, as his hands sought to feel more of her and his mouth pressed to hers responding to her touch. "I've missed waking up with you." she whispered against his lips.

"And I have missed you falling asleep in my arms." he replied, breathless as he felt her hand kneading his aching erection.

"I want you." she moaned into his ear as she felt his fingers part her legs.

He slipped fingers between moist folds of flesh, groaning pleasurably as his fingers slipped easily over and then through the slick warm opening.

Rolling Olivia to her back he kissed and sucked at her mouth, slowly, watching and taking in her reaction to his hands and then his mouth as he dragged his lips down her body, lovingly capturing her breasts with his mouth. The feel of her fingers tousling through his hair his reward. She ground against his hand pressing his fingers deeper inside her while her grip on his cock increased as did the pace of the strokes.

Olivia's back arched and Castiel moved his face back to hers when it did. "That's it" he whispered, when he felt her tighten around his fingers. He kissed her neck and shoulders, as her head tossed with the pleasure of her release. "I want to feel you." he whispered hoarse and gruff.

"Yes" she responded kissing him hard and deep.

He rolled to his back and slid himself up into a slouched position.

"I want to watch you." he growled and he pulled her on top of him.

Olivia eagerly straddled the angel, lowering herself just enough that he could feel the heat from her and sense the dampness. She leaned her mouth to his and kissed him, biting and sucking on his lips, while her hands played over his chest. He was losing himself again, nothing mattered but her, the way she felt, the way she made him feel.

Castiel moved his hands to her hips to guide her closer to him. As she sank down, and he slipped inside her, she watched his eyes close while he drew in a deep breath then released it hard and jagged.

He held her hips feeling himself enveloped in warmth. He watched her head toss as she rode him. His thrusts deep into her, occasionally harder than he had dared before. He loved the sounds that came from her when they made love and this morning he wanted to hear the moans and whimpers that drove him to please her more than ever. His mouth explored her mouth and neck, and his own groans escaped him to be swallowed by her. While his long slender fingers pressed into her flesh of her back and tangled in the long thick strands of her dark hair. He was strong and powerful when he was with her and even though he knew nothing of human relationships of the romantic sort, he was sure of himself. His only goal to please her, fulfill her.

He controlled the pace, hard and fast, thrusts becoming slow rocking motions then back again, while the room filled with the sounds of their passion. When she let go and he felt her tighten around him, he brought his arms around her, leaning into her body, caressing her, as she spasmed and shook with ecstasy, he coaxed her to come again with words of passion, letting is tongue play over her collar bone, until the rush of heat took hold of him and he relinquished control and he filled her with his own release.

Afterwards they lay once more, entwined and lost in the world they created within each other. Together in these moments they were both whole, and there was nothing to fear.

***

Castiel spent the morning in the bookstore with Olivia, he wasn't going to leave her alone until he was certain Ken Baker was out of the picture. Castiel kept himself busy, he unpacked boxes , organized and dusted shelves, he found himself content to putter around the store taking on the odd jobs that Olivia put off doing because the were boring or required more time and hands than she had lately.

"Try it" Olivia encouraged Castiel with a bite of her sandwich that he had ran across the street to pick up for her when she closed for lunch.

He gave in and tried a bite and found he enjoyed it.

"See eating is fun." she teased and handed him the other half.

"So is this." he smiled as he swooped in and kissed her lips between bites. Then pulled the empty chair beside her desk next to hers so he could face her.

He kissed her again and this time his lips lingered over her mouth. Their lips played against each others and at the end of the kiss their eyes met, the angel looked at her with a more serious expression.

"What is it?" Olivia asked, unsure what caused the sudden change in demeanor.

"You" he said his expression relaxing. "The things I feel when I am near you… with you." he finished thoughtful, his voice a soft rumble.

Now it was Olivia's turn to look at the angel with a serious expression. "Regrets?" she asked, lowering her eyes, preparing herself for his answer, assuming the worst.

Castiel tilted his head at her, surprised by her assumption, "No… no.." he said, cupping her face in his hands and kissing her lovingly. "I almost feel as if I belong here. As if everything will work out as long as you are waiting for me at the end. In a strange sort of way… I think, I have always felt that way and that is the reason I have returned here so often."

"…And what happens when you aren't here?" she questioned, searching his face, sensing something darker. For a moment he looked as if he wanted to tell her something, but then his expression lightened.

"Nothing that can't be remedied by returning here, to you." he said softly, reaching to run his fingers through the longs stands of her hair.

"Should I worry? She asked him.

"No… No matter what happens Olivia, I will see to it that You and Danny are taken care of, you won't be alone I promise." he assured her.

"I don't mean that. I mean when you are gone… not here… I know what you've told me. I know how hard it is for you. Should I worry about you? how all of this affects you?"

He understood her concern and the truth was, when he was gone he was a pitiful mess. He did what he had to do, almost mindlessly, he felt hopless and helpless. Mostly he boiled with anger about everything. In truth he spent just as much time resisting the urge to harm those that hurt Olivia as he did fighting to stop the apocalypse with the Winchesters. He counted the hours and the days until he could go back to her. He stayed away when he felt his presence would put her at risk even if there was nothing pressing keeping him away. He did nothing to draw attention to her and he was still kicking himself that the Winchesters knew of her at all. It was a slip he would not make again. The answer was yes, Olivia should worry about him… She should worry a great deal about him when he was away from her, but he would never tell her that.

"It's nothing I can't handle Olivia I have accepted things for what they are." he said sounding reassuring.

She nodded at him accepting his answer. "I just wish you weren't alone so much."

***

Later in the day Inez stopped by the shop. She had gone to pick up both Danny and Brian at school. Olivia had wanted Danny to stay home for a day or two but, he wanted to go. Olivia knew it was only to show off his crutches and stitches, but she allowed it. When Inez arrived with him after school Castiel went outside to help him up the stairs into the store, while Brian carried his friends back pack.

"How you feeling Crash?" Olivia joked with her son as he entered the back room.

"Okay" he said with a small sigh.

"What's the matter?" she questioned him more seriously getting up from her desk to take a better look at the boy.

"Nothing," he told her "I just hate these things." he grumbled about the crutches.

"Well the doctor said you would need them a week, so get used to them."

"But Carly's party is Saturday… How am I going to go skating with these?"

"Umm, you're not." Olivia told him

"Mom" he whined.

"I'm sorry Danny, you can go to the party, but you can't skate."

The boy dropped his head.

"Look, there's no school tomorrow… why don't I see if Brian can stay tonight, I'll order you Chinese and rent a few movies." Olivia offered trying to cheer him up.

Castiel listened to the conversation between the mother and child. He wasn't sure he understood all of the dynamics but the disappointment on the boys face was obvious. A moment later he offered to help Danny upstairs to the apartment while Olivia went to the front of the store to talk to Inez. A few moments later Brian ran up the stairs excited to be spending the night with his friend.

"I see the mystery man is back." Inez commented smiling at her friend.

"Yes I called him last night from the ER."

"Wow… so this is serious?"

"Yeah, I think so." Olivia said with a slight smile.

"He was here all night?" Inez questioned.

"Uh huh." Olivia said reaching under the counter for the bank bag.

"Oh come on Vee! Don't make me beg! Who is he?" Inez pressed her voice filled with excitement for her friend.

Olivia sighed "Alright I will tell you."

Olivia took a moment to tell her about Castiel, leaving out the angel part, but explaining he had come to the store for nearly two years and they had gone out to various things over that time. Art Exhibits, concerts, occasionally a movie, but just as friends.

"Then a few weeks ago that sort of changed." Olivia continued with a coy smile. "Now he comes here and yes… stays… with me as often as he can."

"I don't believe you didn't tell me" Inez grumbled.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to keep anything from you… I just… I don't know… It has been a long time since I have let anyone in… you know? I just…"

"Shhh" Inez said touching her friends hand. "I know Vee… it's okay. Slow is good."

"Thank you"

"Well from what you've told me he seems to good to be true…"

"He is… but, I am pretty sure he is for real." Olivia said thoughtful.

***

Castiel ate dinner with Olivia and the boys, he mostly observed the conversation, the boys were engrossed in, about video games, movies and once again the girl named Carly. After dinner he helped Olivia take the dishes to the kitchen, while the boys disappeared into Danny's room with 2 DVD's.

In the kitchen Castiel took the moment of privacy to snake his arms around her waist and nuzzle his face into the crook of her neck. He raised his mouth to hers and kissed her gently.

"I should go outside and take a look around." he told her quietly.

Olivia nodded at him with some concern "Is everything okay."

"Yes… I just want to make sure Mr. Baker took his warning to heart." he told her brushing a stand of hair away from her face with his finger. "I won't be long."

While Castiel was gone Olivia went to her room and changed into a t shirt and comfortable pajama bottoms, then she went to look out the window. The street was quiet and she didn't notice anything unusual.

Castiel began on the roof as he had previously he wasn't expecting to find anything and he was right. There was no sign of the private investigator or anyone else out of the ordinary. He was relieved hopeful that the message was clear and the others would let the matter drop.

Castiel found Olivia inside her bedroom looking out over the town from her window. "Everything is fine." he said quietly, before approaching her and taking her in his arms.

Olivia nodded and let out a small sigh of relief. "Castiel?"

"Yes?"

"Would you open this for me?" She asked handing him the envelope he had taken from Ken Baker.


	8. Chapter 7

_This chapter is probably more about hints of what is to come than anything else. the contents of the enveloped is revealed but what exactly it will mean isnt. I have been playing with a bit of mythlogy presented on the show but not really explained. sort of said screw it I wanna use it so I am going to come up with an explanation =D not going to go into yet as it will pertain to the next chapter._

_Enjoy and feedback please._

_xox_

_EP_

**Chapter 7**

**Things Unspoken**

Castiel held the envelope In his hand and looked at Olivia, while his expression was one of mild confusion it held more concern.

"I can open it." she told him, "But I don't want to. When I try I just stare at it…. Just rip the damn thing open okay?"

The angel gave her a small understanding smile and nodded before sitting on the edge of the bed. She moved away from the window and sat next to him.

"You're sure?" he asked.

"Yeah" Olivia nodded at him. "I'm ready."

Castiel bent his head and kissed the side of her forehead and held his mouth there. "It's alright… what ever is in here… It will be alright." he reassured her, then tore the flap open.

"Do you want me to look inside." he asked, gently.

Olivia nodded, staring at the envelope in his hands as if he held some terrible thing.

Castiel pressed his lips together, with concern as he looked at the expression she wore on her face.

"What ever is in here Olivia, they can't hurt you… or Danny. I won't allow it. Do you understand?"

"But.."

"NO.." he said firm. "I will not allow it… you have nothing to fear from these people."

She closed her eyes and nodded, then he pulled from the envelope its contents. There were 3 pages folded in thirds and a check.

One of the pages was addressed to Danny and she took that one from Castiel's hand first. She swallowed hard as she unfolded the paper, dreading what it might have to say. There were a few, short, handwritten lines on the page and attached to it was another check.

The letter mostly explained to Danny that Charles and Anne Baxter were his grandparents, that Olivia had very good reason for not introducing them sooner. It went on to tell him they would like to be a part of his life. The check was a gift to make up for lost birthdays and Christmas's.

"They have no right." Olivia sighed.

"Read the others before you get angry." the angel soothed her hiding his own irritation with the letter. Instead he covered his true feelings and put an arm around her and pressed his lips to the top of her head.

Again she nodded.

The letter addressed to her was a little different, the Baxter's apologized for their son, as if it were their fault he was a drunken asshole and maybe it was. It continued on, they swore he had sought help for his 'issues'. Finally the letter explained Olivia's mother had fallen ill, a year ago, the Baxter's had taken it upon themselves to find her. That is when they accidentally found out about Danny. They again swore they didn't want to interfere in anyway, they simply wanted to make sure they both had everything they needed. Curtis had no idea where she was or that Danny even existed. They promised to keep it that way. The Baxter's would agree to as much or as little contact as she wanted or would allow even if it were none at all.

Olivia sighed, she understood but, she was still angry they had the audacity to find her, to contact her, to have her followed. It was their decision to pay her off and sweep her under the rug, rather than allow their son to face the music for his actions. They had no right to bring him back into her life now.

The next page explained that her mother's heart was weak and she probably didn't have much longer to live. They were apologetic about this as well but, Olivia found it hard to care. Then, of course, she felt guilty, because she didn't care, because she should… shouldn't she? If she couldn't find it in herself to care her mother was dying, was she any different than her? Yes she was different, her mother had never been a mother, she had never really known the woman at all.

Castiel studied her face, watching her brow furrow, her jaw clench and release several times.

"What is it?" Castiel asked, when she folded the letters back into the envelope.

"My mother is dying." she told him matter of fact.

"Olivia" he said softly, wanting to comfort her. not quite sure how, as he was not certain how this news would affect her.

"Shhh it's okay." she quieted him before he could say anything else.

"But.."

"No.. Castiel I'm okay… I haven't really had a mother in 20 years and even then she was more interested in the bottle than me. I never knew her, that hasn't changed because she is sick. She is a stranger to me…. Understand?"

The angel narrowed his eyes at her and nodded. He did understand, very well in fact, when a parent wasn't really a parent at all. He also knew it still hurt like hell. Maybe worse than hell. He had been there, he would know.

"I'm here." he said simply and sincerely, kissing her forehead and holding her against him, and he let the matter drop.

"I know" she said lifting her head to look at him then cupping his cheek in her hand while raising her mouth to his to kiss him.

Their lips met, soft and easy, Castile let his mouth brush over hers gently several times.

"What about the rest?" he asked.

"They know about Danny and would like some contact but won't push." she explained.

Then there was a knock on the door. Olivia stuffed the envelope into the nightstand drawer just in time for Danny to open the door a crack.

"Can I come in?" he asked

"Of course" she told him, as she looked at the boy sticking his head through the door. "What's the matter?" she asked.

"Nothing" he sighed coming in and flopping across her bed.

'Where's Brian?"

"Watching TV"

"… And you're in here?" Olivia questioned the boy. "C'mon spill it what's going on?" she pressed

"What were you talking about?" the boy asked his mother and Castiel.

"Stuff" she answered rolling her eyes, "What's going on Danny?" she asked with some concern.

"Do you know who was following me?" the boy questioned.

Olivia sighed and looked at Castiel who had moved near the dresser on the other side of the room. "Yes… sort of." she told him.

"Who? Who was it?"

"No one you need to worry about coming back." she told the boy and then nodded toward Castiel, and he nodded his agreement to the boy.

"But who?" the boy persisted.

"Danny, we will talk about this later, when Brian isn't here and I have more time to explain things." she looked at him sympathetic. "Okay?"

"I guess." he grumbled getting up.

Castiel watched the exchange he understood the frustration of both the mother and the child. Danny was of course frightened by the incident and Olivia didn't want to spark his curiosity about his father. Castiel had to agree, the farther they stayed from the man the better.

***

Nearly a week had passed since Castiel left the apartment and Olivia hadn't heard a word from him. She had to admit she was concerned, he hadn't stayed away this long since, well since he had come back and told her the truth, since had become her lover.

It was now Saturday, Castiel had left the previous Sunday, not really of his choosing. Danny had spent the night before with Brian giving Olivia and the angel the apartment to themselves, after she closed the store, the two of them went out to dinner and took a walk to the near by park hand in hand. When they returned to the apartment, they shared a bottle of wine and spent the rest of the evening in bed enveloped in each other. She fell asleep safe inside Castiel's arms. It was the next morning when she awoke to the relentless ringing of his cell phone. He ignored it at first, claiming it was nothing that couldn't wait but, apparently, it really couldn't wait, as the caller persisted.

He returned the call when she went into the bathroom and when she came back, she knew just to look at him he needed to leave.

"You need to go… don't you" she said sliding back into bed next the him.

"Yes." he nodded with an irritated growl, moving to surround her with his arms.

"It's alright." she told him nuzzling at his neck. "I know, whatever it is… it's important."

"You're important too." he sighed.

"I know you think so." she chucked. "But I'm okay and so is Danny."

He leant his head to kiss her and then he led her to the shower, where he made love to her one last time, before drying and dressing once again in his suit and trench and leaving.

"I'll return as soon as I can." he told her kissing her good bye.

"I know… and I'll be waiting." she smiled at him reassuringly.

Then he was gone.

It was late afternoon and Olivia was getting ready to close. Inez was sitting in on the spare stool behind the counter and Olivia was going over the workings of the store with her for the 5th time.

"I got it Vee." Inez rolled her eyes at her friend.

"You're sure?"

"Yes I am sure." the woman responded.

Olivia was having surgery on her hand in two days and Inez, Emile Greyson, and Josh Barren, who owned the sandwich shop across the street, and was the father of the infamous Carly, were going to take turns running the store until Olivia was back on her feet.

"You know if you would just cash that check you would be able to close this place for as long as you needed." Inez reminded her.

"I don't want their money." She told her friend shaking her head.

"Vee you deserve it. You really do. They got off too easy, Vee, if you had stayed and divorced him, you would have gotten a lot more than they gave you." this was something Inez pointed out often.

"I wouldn't have taken it then if I didn't need it Inez. Cashing that check is inviting them in… I can take care of myself and Danny."

Inez sighed at her friend, "I know but, the things he did…" Her voiced faded, "There isn't enough money in the world to cover it." she finished.

"Exactly" Olivia told her, "I want peace… not money, I am not the same scared little girl Inez. I can take care of myself and my kid. If they want to do something for me they can leave me alone."

Inez thought she was crazy for not taking them for every cent she could but, Olivia knew that too. Inez decided it was best to let the subject drop not wanting to upset her this close to surgery. She instead decided to move onto what could be the next touchy subject.

"So where is Mr. Wonderful?" she asked somewhat sheepish.

"You mean Castiel?"

"Unless you are hiding another guy under the bed." she quipped.

Olivia shrugged. "Honestly I don't know. He had to leave… work" Olivia covered

"… And you haven't heard from him? What is he a secret agent?" she laughed

Olivia chuckled. "Close" she laughed.

"Funny." Inez responded, brushing off her friends comment. "So really, isn't he coming with us?"

"He promised me he would be there, I am sure he will come."

Danny who was now walking without crutches returned with Brian a few minutes later.

"Where were you two?" Olivia asked.

'Sandwich shop" Danny answered.

"Making googely eyes at Carly, no doubt." Inez teased both boys, watching them both blush bright red in confirmation.

"I'm sure her dad appreciates you two drooling on the counter." Olivia rolled her eyes.

"We just went to get a soda." Brian defended.

"Uh huh." Inez continued to tease.

"We came back to ask if we could go to the movies." Danny changed the subject.

"How are you going to get there?"

"Mom can take us." Brian offered, without asking his mother, of course.

"Really? Can I?" Inez responded.

"Can you?" her son asked this time.

Inez sighed and looked at Olivia " Yes… But only because Vee needs to take care of a few things before Monday."

"I do?" Olivia asked confused.

"Yes you do." she answered, "Danny get your stuff you can stay tonight."

"I can!" the boy replied excited looking at his mother for the final word.

Olivia nodded at the boy and they both ran upstairs to pack his things. Once the boys were out of earshot.

"Just what do I need to take care of before Monday?" she questioned Inez.

"You need to call Mr. Wonderful… I don't care if he really is a secret agent, if he is serious, he should be here with you for this."

"Inez.. He will come."

***

Inez left with the boys and Olivia, picked up her phone and called Josh across the street and ordered a salad for dinner to be picked up later and closed for the day. After changing into a comfortable t-shirt Olivia returned to the store and began getting cleaning supplies out of the store room.

After spending an hour cleaning the storefront she walked across the street to pick up dinner. Back inside the store with the Styrofoam container of salad balanced in her hand she turned to lock the door when she heard a sound. Olivia was still and quiet as she listened closely, at first she thought it was nothing but then she heard a louder crashing sound. Setting the salad down she slowly walked to the back of the store, that is when she saw him.

Castiel rounded the corner leaning hard against the doorway as if he couldn't support himself. His face a covered in small nicks and bruises and she assumed the rest of him wasn't in much better shape by the looks of his stance, this was confirmed as she watching him sink slowly to the floor.


	9. Chapter 8

**MA MA MA for smut.. yes this is going to have a lot of smut remember the is what Castiel does when he is away from the boys and the end of the world! lol**

aside from SEX i have left you with one of my more EVIL cliffs. those of you who know how i write know i LOVE torture =D this one should get you riled up.

FEEDBACK! Major Angst is on the way and i need to feed the beast so tell me what you are thinking

enjoy

xox

EP

**Chapter 8**

**Is This The Beginning or The End**

Olivia stood facing the doorway watching the angel, her angel, as he slumped into a crumpled and bloody heap on the floor. She didn't know where he had been for so long but, it was obvious he had been beaten, she knew all too well what a beating looked like.

"What happened?" Olivia asked, dropping to her knees next to him, looking him over apprehensively.

"I'm okay." he told her, his voice even more gravely than usual.

"You don't look okay. Who did this?" she replied with obvious concern.

"It's alright Olivia, I just got in the way." he said with a slight sarcastic laugh. "but that is about the only thing I can do at this point."

Olivia looked down at his white shirt, now stained mostly red with blood, then she looked back at him.

"How? Where did?" She stammered looking at his shirt.

"Shhh… it's not my blood. I'm okay," He soothed, reaching out a hand to touch her face. "I'll be okay." he reassured her again this time pulling her head to him and kissing her gently.

"Can you stand?… walk..?" she whispered, as she fought back tears.

"I think I can now." he nodded.

****

Olivia managed to get Castiel upstairs and into her bedroom. She stripped off his bloody clothing, down to his boxers and had him lie in bed. She cleaned him and his wounds, he grumbled the entire time, telling her that his body would repair itself and he would be fine. That may have been true but, for the moment he didn't look fine and that was all Olivia could see.

"Stop. I'll be okay, my wounds will heal once I rest." Castiel told her in the most reassuring voice he could muster.

"I'll feel better if I clean them." Olivia told him and continued to dab at the nicks on his face and hands, with antiseptic soaked cotton balls, all the while instructing him to hold a bag of frozen peas over the nasty bruise on his left cheek. The angel sighed and allowed her to continue to tend to him, it did seem to make her feel better, calm her, even if it was pointless.

"What happened? Who did this?" she questioned again.

"The others, as I've told you, they do not agree with my position in this battle."

Olivia nodded. "…And this is how angels solve things?" she asked with obvious anger.

"Disobedience is frowned upon." he said sarcastically. "Now stop." he told her, taking the cotton and antiseptic from her hands. "Come here. I've missed you, I promise, I will be fine in less than an hour. Just lie here with me a while." he whispered the last part as he reached for her arms and drew her to his bare chest.

Olivia lay next to him allowing him to hold her close. She looked up at him and she was biting back tears he could see it on her face. He didn't want to upset her, he began to regret his decision to come to her to hide. He probably should have waited until he'd healed but, when he got loose from his brothers, he had only one thing on his mind. It was the same thing that had been on his mind for days… Her…. Getting back to her without being followed. He knew the bookstore was safe, he had warded it himself. The place was invisible to the angels, they would not find him there, as long as he was not followed and since his assailants were all now dead, it was unlikely anyone would have followed him.

"I'm sorry you had to see this… me this way. I should have waited to come." He whispered gently, as he stroked her hair and pulled her body closer to his.

"No you needed to come here… this is where you should be if you are hurt." she told him and he could feel her clinging tightly to him.

He nodded, "Don't be afraid they can't find me here. I wasn't followed."

"I'm not afraid… I'm just pissed that they hurt you."

"It could have been worse… They're dead." he said matter of fact.

He wasn't bragging, he was just being honest. He had left her and found himself in the middle of the latest plot to convince Dean to comply with Heaven's wishes. They were relentless and the closer the time came, the worse it was going to get. He knew it was pointless, he knew it was hopeless. Still somehow now, lying with Olivia it didn't feel that way. He held her closer to him so close he feared he would crush her. She didn't seem to mind as she pressed her face into the crook of his neck. He closed his eyes and reveled the feeling of her breath against his bare skin. How many times had he longed to feel just that over the last week, how terribly he had missed her., the way she felt in his arms, against his body, her warmth, her smell, her lips against his own.

He loved her and he needed to tell her so. In the last six days he had killed 7 angels and 6 demons, yet he was afraid to tell this woman he loved her… he was in love with her. Time was running out and she needed to know. She needed to know it was real, he loved her and he would never harm her, he would kill anyone who tried and he would die protecting her. She needed to know… before it was over.. Before it was too late.

Olivia raised her face to his and she could see the cuts and bruises fading before her eyes, she was too busy feeling relived to feel amazed, otherwise she was certain she would have been in awe of this creature that was holding her so tightly. This creature she loved or would love, could love, if love were real.

Castiel brought his lips to hers and kissed her tenderly. "I have missed you." he whispered. "I'm sorry it took me so long to return… it wasn't safe until now."

Olivia nodded her understanding as she lifted her hand to gently stroke the fading bruise on his cheek with her thumb.

"You really are okay?" she said with relief.

"Yes." he said with a small smile. "I'm sorry I frightened you."

She nodded again as she moved her mouth closer to his for a deeper kiss. He wasted no time responding, covering her lips with his own, taking charge of the kiss. Taking control of her body under his hands. He began to pull at the button on her jeans but, stopped.

"Where is Danny" he asked, with a mischievous tone.

Olivia giggled slightly against his lips. "Movies." she answered, adding "Then he is spending the night at Brian's".

The angel grinned, then murmured, "Good." into her mouth as he kissed her and his hands continued to loosen the button.

The angel took his time undressing her, this time would be different he could sense it. His body was aching for her, he had been for days literally and now, now he just wanted to please her. Everything was wrong in the world, the last week was proof of that, yet somehow being with her, it didn't feel that way. He wanted her to fix it, to fix him .

He rose to his knees on the bed and lifted her t-shirt slowly taking the sight of her. His growing erection strained against his boxers and he watched as her hand moved to stroke him through the thin fabric. A low and soft moan of pleasure escaped him when she touched him, he wanted more but, he continued moving lower to pull her free of her jeans then he gently ran his fingers over the damp spot on her pale blue panties. The sensation caused another moan as he did this and the anticipation of being enveloped in the moist heat almost got the better of him.

He increased the pressure of his fingers and watched as she responded to him, biting her lower lip and moving her hips against his hand. He hooked the thin fabric at her hips in his fingers and pulled the panties away, then reached up for the straps of her bra. After pulling it free and tossing both the bra and panties aside he looked down on her.

He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her.

"Perfect" he murmured against her lips, swollen from his kiss. His mouth then traveled her body, kissing, licking and nipping here and there. He was aching from her scent, the softness of her skin and the whimpers and moans that fell from her lips. He would come across the odd scar now and then. He had seen them before and he never asked what caused them. It didn't matter to him because no one would ever leave a mark on her body again. Today, when he came across such a mark he would linger at the spot taking time to kiss and caress it lovingly. In his own mind replacing what ever harm was intended with his own love and admiration for this woman. He wanted to fix her too, he wanted to fix everything that had been so wrong in her world.

Working his way back to her mouth he balanced himself over her and kissed her deeply, as he embraced her, feeling her bare flesh press against his. He slipped his boxers off then gently rolled her to her stomach and began again. This time as his mouth came to her scarred back he slowed down. This was by far where the most visible damage had been done. She tightened, aware he was looking at the scars. He traced his fingers over the area as he spoke to Olivia.

"You're beautiful." he told her tenderly and he lowered his mouth to kiss each spot. "No one can take that from you Olivia." he said, as he moved her hair way from the worst of it at the base of her neck. "So beautiful" he whispered and he felt her relax. Whether it were his words or the gentle kisses that caused the tension to leave her he didn't know but it meant a great deal to him that it did.

He pulled her by her hips so that his aching cock rested against her backside. He grunted at the sensation before sliding his hands under her and lifting her upright against him. She turned her head to meet his mouth and kissed him deeply as arms encircled her and his hands caressed the firm plump flesh of her breasts and she relaxed her hips down on his throbbing groin.

"I've missed you." she told him in a whimper as one of his hands made it's way between her legs.

"I wish I never had to leave you." he growled feeling the slick heat under his fingers.

His fingers slid deep inside her and she moaned loudly as she rode his hand her head tossed back against his shoulder. Castiel kissed her, reveling in the moans and whimpers, his plunging fingers provoked from Olivia's throat. Moments later he felt her clamp down on his hand soaking it and his groin with her release amidst cries of his name and deep groans.

"That's my girl," he soothed into her ear. He found it sort of amusing, how much he'd changed. How different he was from two years ago, hell, just a few weeks ago, as he held her in his arms, he pondered it. Not long ago he couldn't comprehend such desire and now… the last few weeks, he didn't know how to go on with out it.. With out her…

At the moment this desire threatened to burn a hole straight through him.

"I want you." he breathed into her ear and she nodded almost drunkenly her agreement.

He gently bent her forward and leant back then pressed his raging erection against her entrance.

He hissed as he slid into her and she moaned loudly. Within moment he was pumping himself deep inside, feeling her grip him in moist heat. Grunts and groans escaping his lips as she met each thrust her hips welcoming him deeper and harder each time.

This is what he needed, this is what he wanted and he never wanted it to end. He couldn't lose her, he couldn't lose the world she belonged to, he had little faith in anything else, but he believed in her, he believed everything was perfect when he was with her, he had little reason to believe anything else. She gave him reason.

He closed his eyes and let the sensation take him over, he plunged deep into her, his thrust becoming more powerful. Letting his passion force out the images of the last week, of the last two years. Olivia's loud moans and soft murmurings brought him back to the present and he raked his fingers over the flesh of her back before he leant forward. Pressing himself almost flush to her back, he ground deeply into her. Reaching around to her throat, he turned her head to his mouth. He licked at her lips though the ragged puffs of air that broke free of his parted lips, he kissed. She responded to him with a deep hard kiss, biting hard against his lower lip as she broke away.

He buried his face into her shoulder gasping and grunting as his pleasure rose yet another level, she clamped down hard around him and her head tossed as her orgasm shook both of them. He didn't fight his release, his body jerked and spaemed forcefully as he filled her until he was spent inside her.

He collapsed with her, breathless, then wrapping himself snugly around her, he rolled to his side taking her with him. The nightmare that had made up the previous week was finally gone. Whatever he had been through and whatever he had done… It just didn't matter, it was simply the price he had to pay to be with her again.

***

Olivia woke early on Sunday, she was nervous about the surgery and had almost talked herself out of it several times. Castiel stayed with her, he helped her pack and finish cleaning the store. That night He, Olivia, and Danny went to dinner, when they came back to the apartment they watched a movie and then Olivia took Danny to the Greyson's to spend the night.

At 5:00 am Monday morning Inez drove Olivia and Castiel to Kansas City. By 8:00 am she was in a room and awaiting surgery. Castiel stayed with her, never leaving her side until they took her away.

"I don't think I can do this." she grumbled to him, he could see fear in her eyes. He didn't understand it but, something about this experience terrified her.

"Shhh Olivia, you can do this. You need to… you will be fine." he told her.

"I don't want to." she shook her head at him. "I don't know why I just don't want to."

"Why are you afraid?" he asked her gently.

"I honestly don't know." she tried to explain. "But, I've put this off for years because it… I don't know. It just scares me."

"You will be fine Olivia. I will be here. I will take care of you afterward. You wont be alone… I promise you wont be alone again." he soothed her gently holding her bad hand.

"Castiel you can't promise those things." She whispered "You know what is happening. You know where you need to be."

Castiel chewed on his bottom lip, there was a time he could have easily fixed her hand and made her scars vanish, he wished he could make it that simple for her. He couldn't.

He stood and leant over the bed bringing his face very close to hers.

"Olivia," he said and lowered his mouth until his lips brushed across hers.

She returned the light kiss and nodded.

"I love you Olivia." he whispered, "I do… and where I need to be is with you."

"But.."

"I know.. I know you think love isn't possible… But it is.. Because I do love you and I should not be capable of such a thing." he sighed.

Olivia had no doubt he meant it, he felt it. "I love you to…" she whispered, "… and that scares me even more than this."

He pressed his lips her hers and kissed her deeply, "I will never hurt you Olivia… no one will, ever again." he promised. "Now please let the doctors help you."

She nodded.

"Olivia there was a time I could have taken the pain away, but I can't, not now. I don't want you in pain. Please let him help you, I will be here when you wake up. Don't be afraid."

The nurse came in and shot her IV full of medication and a few moments later she was floating. The angel was relieved to see her fears gone, even if it had more to do with the medication than reason.

20 minutes later the nurse returned with two others to take her to surgery. He leant again to reassure her and kiss her one last time. He had no idea at the time that this could, quite possibly, be the last kiss they would ever share.


	10. Chapter 9

This one is short and it is ANGST! that's all lol

**Chapter 9**

**Blame**

Castiel sat slumped in a chair inside the Winchester's seedy motel room, his mental state at the midway point between intoxicated and hung over, where everything seems just a little too real and where he felt everything far too acutely. He didn't want to be there, everything had changed in the last ten days and he really didn't want to be there. He didn't want to be anywhere.

"What the hell Cass?" Dean complained, looking at the angel who was even more rumpled than usual.

"What?" Castiel questioned, belligerent and glaring.

"I thought you were over this… I thought you were on our side, I thought we were gonna do this together?"

Castiel looked up at the elder Winchester and gave a sarcastic laugh that caused his lips to land fixed in an even more sarcastic sneer. "Sides…" he pondered out loud. "It doesn't matter who's side any of us are on. It's all gonna burn and maybe it should… Maybe there is nothing here worth saving."

"Wow who pissed on your cheerio's" Sam, who up until now had been watching the scene unfold asked.

"The angel gave the younger hunter his familiar confused look, tinged with irritation, then and brushed off the question.

"So you have no ideas, no plan, no advice?" Dean continued to question.

"Get the ring… isn't that what you have been doing, collecting the rings?" the angel offered with a bored sigh.

"… And?" Dean pressed "How do you propose we do that?"

"The same as the others." the angel said, as if the answer should be obvious.

Dean looked at the angel and shook his head. "What the hell is going on with you Cass?" he asked almost sympathetic.

"Call me when you find Pestilence…. I'll help if I can." he grumbled, just before he vanished.

Castiel walked through the empty apartment, it was late evening, the store below was now closed. He didn't know what else to do, where else to go. He walked into the bedroom and stood in the doorway looking around the room. Looking at the bed he had shared so often with Olivia. He closed his eyes and tried not to remember what it was like to see her there, to smell her, hear her laugh.

His angels brain held every detail of his life and therefore his memories of her were quite vivid, detailed and accessible. He wasn't sure if this made him feel better or worse. A few memories however, were at the top of the pile, moments that somehow stuck out to him. Moments that under other circumstances gave him strength… now they just seemed cruel.

One in particular jumped out to him at the moment. It was from the first weekend he spent with her. They had spent nearly the entire weekend alone in her apartment, most of it in bed. He would be the first to admit the apocalypse was the furthest thing from his mind at the time, he was much more interested in exploring every inch of her and she him. They had taken a shower and she was on the bed upright on her knees. He was standing at the bottom of the bed, and had slung a towel around her and drew her closer to him. He had been fascinated with the droplets of water that fell from her wet hair and lingered on her shoulders, he was intent on kissing each one away. He pushed her back on the bed kissing her lightly, on and around her mouth and neck. They had somehow managed to squirm into the proper place and he rested his head against her breast while his arms and legs went around her. The moment was quiet and calm, they didn't speak and for the first time they weren't devouring each other, it was as if they had sank into each other. Her fingers played in his damp hair and he was content to trace his long fingers along the lines of her body.

Eventually Olivia reached for a book on her night stand and began to read to him. He voice calm and clear, he closed his eyes and for the first time in his existence he allowed himself to dream. Not the sleeping sort of dreaming but, the imagining kind of dreaming. His head filled with wonderful images that her voice brought to life. From that night on this became a regular practice. Something he longed for when they were apart, something he longed for now, something he might never experience again.

"Olivia." he said in a loud whisper as tears silently coursed down his face.

He took another few steps into the room to the bed and sat down on the edge, trying to understand, what had happened, how it had happened, and who was to blame. There had to be something to blame… someone. Something to smite, to crush, to break in half. This had to be the result of some evil. How did this happen?

The surgery was long, he knew it would be, the doctor had explained to them it would take five or six hours to complete. He was prepared, He and Inez sat in the waiting room, Inez flipped though magazines and read the book she had brought with her. He simply sat quietly for the most part, occasionally, he too, would look through a magazine, but for the most part, he prayed to a father who didn't give a damn, prayed he would protect the woman he had come to love, to see her through and relieve her pain. To return her to him whole.

That didn't happen.

About four hours in to the surgery his cell began to ring incessantly, he would ignore the call but, a few moments later the ringing would begin again. He excused himself from the room and went into the hallway to return the call. It was Dean, the issue, what ever it was, he didn't even remember now, couldn't wait.

He returned to the waiting room, explained to Inez there was a matter he must attend to and he wouldn't be long. Handing her a small folded paper, he instructed her to call his cell if there were any information while he was gone, telling her he would return instantly.

He left and was in the Winchesters motel room a moment later. He had only been gone about 30 minutes when his phone rang, it was Inez. There was a problem, "A complication", she repeated the doctors words into the angels ear. He was gone, he had left the motel without so much as a good-bye and returned to the waiting room, Inez was taken aback by how quickly he returned but, in her state of shock over the news she didn't question it.

The news wasn't good. They were nearly done with the surgery when Olivia had a seizure. The doctor said it was a rare reaction to the anesthetic, unfortunately they couldn't stop the seizure and they had to induce a comatose state to save her life. The plan was to wake her in 24 hours, giving her body time to rid itself of the anesthetic. But… she didn't wake up, she simply never woke up. The doctors had no reason.

For the last 10 days she lay motionless in the hospital bed and there was nothing anyone could do.

Castiel sat quietly in the dark next to Olivia's hospital bed. He looked the machines that surrounded her, watched the tiny screens and listened to the irritating beeps. The angel had no idea what they all did, if they did anything at all. He found himself now in the same condition as the day he came to the bookstore to say good-bye, except now he didn't want to say good-bye. He had just barely said hello.

He spent as much time as he could bear, in this room with Olivia and when he couldn't take anymore, he coped in the worst possible way as evidenced by his earlier visit with the Winchesters.

He had begun to stay at her apartment. It was unused, Danny had been staying with Inez and Brian so he felt safe spending time there, when he couldn't be at the hospital.

Now it was the middle of the night, he watched over her while she slept. He could almost make himself believe she was just sleeping and soon the sun would come up and she would roll to her side and smile at him. Yes, he could almost believe that.

He stood and leant over her. "I love you" he whispered "I'm still here" he brushed her lips with his own and squeezed his eyes shut tightly. He had stopped praying, now he just tried to will her awake. It was futile, he wasn't strong enough to fix this.

"Aren't you bored in here?" Olivia heard a voice say to her.

"Very… and why is it all so gray inside my head?" she replied.

"It's your head." the voice answered. "Why do you stay?"

"I can't get out."

"Of course you can… can't you hear him?"

"Yes I hear him but… I can't leave… something is wrong I can't leave."

"What's wrong?"

"The door doesn't work."

Castiel stayed at the hospital, the nurses had become used to him and didn't bother trying to chase him away when he came at strange hours or stayed too long. The doctor came in next and this time he had news, possibly good news.

The doctor turned his laptop toward the angel and pointed to various spots on a few pictures. He explained that it looked like Olivia had a previous head injury, probably pretty severe, given her history, she may not have known it or possibly didn't or couldn't seek treatment. The doctor went on to explain the injury basically rewired a few things. The area was currently irritated, inflamed and this is why the anesthetic triggered the seizures and was quite possibly why she was not waking up. He would give her medication to relieve both and hope for the best.

Castiel didn't understand the pictures but he did understand the problem, more than that, he now had someone to blame… someone to smite.

"See the door works" the voice told Olivia "you just need to make it open".

"Don't you think I've tried?" she questioned.

"Try harder… he's waiting.. He's going to do something stupid if you don't wake up."

"No he won't." she argued.

"Oh but he will.. Olivia, he will."

Inez came and Castiel explained to her what the doctor had told him. She seemed relieved. Castiel was still unsure, although he did feel hopeful, he was also angry. This all went back to her past, if her father hadn't broken her hand she would not be here at all and if Curtis Baxter had kept his hands off of her… she would be awake.


	11. Scene break note

It has come to my attention that FFN through one of their "updates" has managed to remove all of the scene breaks in my stories you know the little "***" between scenes.

I find this maddening GRRRRR since I write:

1 Bass Ackward OFTEN and scene breaks are VERY necessary for my stories to make sense

And

2 this means I must now go back and insert new breaks in EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER of EVERY SINGLE STORY!

Yes I MUST because I am far too OCD to leave it as it.

My apologies if this is causing any confusion for anyone reading it will take me a bit of time but I will eventually get everything straight for you.

Xox

EP


	12. Chapter 10

this one is short and still angsty. still deciding on what to do with Castiel. should he stay all angelic or go angel fu on O's father and ex? I lean towards one and then the other so tell me what you want to see happen.

enjoy and as always feedback!

xox

EP

**Chapter 10**

**Hope**

Shortly after Inez arrived in Olivia's hospital room, Danny and Brian followed quietly through the door. The boys had gone to the vending machines on the way in and were lagging behind. It was a routine that was familiar to the angel. Inez would bring Danny to visit his mother daily, she would leave him and Brian at the elevator vending machines, while she went ahead to get and update on Olivia, the boys would soon follow. Castiel couldn't help but notice how each day the boys arrival to the room became more and more solemn and today neither of them made a sound.

The angel watched as Danny approached his mother, his head was down and the boy's expression was beyond sadness. He was afraid as well, afraid his mother would not wake up, afraid of what would become of him if she didn't and it was clear above all else that he missed her. It was obvious to Castiel the boy was feeling lost. He wished he knew what to say or how to relieve his pain and concerns, he wished he still possessed the faith to assure him that everything would be okay. He didn't, the truth was Castiel felt just as lost, just as fearful as the boy.

He stepped behind the child and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder anyway. While his relationship with the Danny was still developing, he did care for him a great deal. He had come to know him over the 2 years he had visited the bookstore, over the last few weeks, while Castiel and Olivia's relationship grew, his friendship with the him grew as well. To Castiel he was no longer just Olivia's son, he was Olivia's world, the reason she fought to survive her difficult past, he was her greatest source of happiness, he was part of her. This feeling was true of Danny as well, Castiel had grown beyond being just the nice man his mother spent time with occasionally. Contrary to most boys of his age, in his position, Danny was happy to see his mother and Castiel become close. Castiel's presence made his mother happy, she smiled more often, she laughed more often and most of all she wasn't alone all of the time. He was actually happy to see all of the things that may have caused jealousy or embarrassment in other kids his age. Most of all, right now, he was happy to see Castiel at the hospital with his mother when he got there in the afternoons, it meant she wasn't alone.

"Talk to her Danny, she knows you are here… I am certain." the angel leant over the boy, encouraging him.

"Why won't she wake up?" the boy asked.

"The doctor has some ideas." Castiel told him, "They are going to give her some medicine."

"Will she wake up?"

"It's possible."

"But they don't know?" Danny asked.

"I'm sorry Danny… but.. No, they don't."

XXXX

The chapel was empty and dark save for a few dim lights along the walls. Castiel wasn't certain why he was even there, he supposed it was because this was as close to his father as he was going to get. Still he wasn't there to pray, he had lost his desire to pray and he certainly wasn't looking for divine direction. Perhaps he was still looking to Heaven for answers for a reason, for something that would make sense of what was happening. Those answers weren't forthcoming, though, he knew he would receive silence before ever entering the sacred space on the forth floor.

From the moment he arrived on earth he wrestled with choices, decisions that as an angel, were non existent. Those choices had led him to turn his back on Heaven and his brothers, but his father had turned his back on them long ago, turned his back on him… on the Winchesters, on Olivia, on Danny, turned his back on the world. Looking back he felt the score, was at the very least, even, in that respect.

That wasn't what was bothering him if he were cast out or not God didn't seem to care, and neither did the angel. It was another weight, that brought him there, a question that crept into his mind while laying blame for Olivia's condition, a question he couldn't escape.

He had fallen in love with the woman. He wasn't sure exactly when or even how but, he knew it was long before that weekend, long before he learned the truth about God, long before he chose sides. The aching in his chest at the thought of losing her went far deeper than that. He had come to love her long before any of that.

He had to consider it, should he blame himself as much as the others? Was she being punished because of him? For loving an angel? Was this his punishment for loving her? Did he do this? Cause this? The possibility angered him and sitting in the last pew of the chapel he quickly shook it off. No this path was paved long ago. It started when she was just a tiny child it started with her father, her mother and continued with her ex-husband. Heaven looked the other way and the seeds of today were planted.

"Why?" Castiel growled looking up at the white paneled ceiling speaking to a father who wasn't listening.

"What is the purpose of this… of all if this?" he continued, feeling the anger burn low in his belly.

"She did the right things, she became a good person, she didn't let any of it fill her with hate and evil… Why force her to suffer further."

He was met with the expected silence and somehow it helped him understand. It all happened because no one cared enough to stop it, to stop any of it.

XXX

Castiel returned to Olivia's hospital room, the nurse had come in several hours ago and shot several doses of medication into her IV. These were the medications that should make a difference. Could cause her to wake. At the moment nothing had changed. Inez left to take the boys home just before he went to the chapel and now upon his return, he was once again alone with Olivia. He stood over the bed and sought out any change at all. There was none… nothing at all. He once again bent down and kissed her, taking time to run slender fingers through her hair and touch her face.

"I love you Olivia" he whispered into her ear trying hard not to sound defeated. "I miss you…" he added sitting on the bed next to her. "Danny misses you." he continued.

He looked down on her left arm and hand, now in a cast up to her elbow her fingers splinted. He reached to the chair for a pillow and propped it up. Then moved to the other side of the bed where he again sat. This time he looked down on her right hand and held it in his own taking care not to disturb the IV catheter. He pressed the hand to his cheek gently, his mind traveling back to the first time she had touched his face. He closed his eyes, once again bombarded by the memory of a healthy version of the woman before him.

XXX

"Who are you" Olivia asked the voice that had been speaking to her, more out of boredom than anything else.

"I am the one who should have been looking out for you." the voice told her.

"No one has ever looked out for me… well.. Not until him."

"Yeah…" the voice seemed to agree. "It should have been him too… he'd have done a better job."

"So.. What? My entire life is your fault?" she asked

"Nah… things are what they are Olivia.. Bad things happen… you know that… and you came out okay… maybe even better for it… but… you shouldn't have been alone… you shouldn't have lost faith."

"So why are you here now?"

"Because I owe you… because I owe him too."

"Who are you?"

XXX

Castiel kicked off his shoes and lay on the bed next to Olivia. Turning to his side he carefully wrapped and arm around her and pressed his face into the top of her head and closed his eyes.

"Wake up" he whispered "Please… Danny needs you… I need you."

Darkness came and he didn't move as the hours ticked by. Familiarity came in the form of Olivia's night nurse. She was a 45 year old African American woman named Roberta Scott. Castiel liked the woman and while he had no complaints about Olivia's care, he thought there was a special quality to Roberta. He liked the way she spoke to Olivia as if she were part of the conversation. Even though Olivia hadn't even given a hint that she was alert or aware of anything for days, that fact didn't keep the woman from greeting Olivia when she walked into the room and telling her everything that was going on.

She was also the nurse who saw to it that Olivia was bathed and dressed in fresh clothing. The first time Roberta saw the scaring on her back, she was lowering Olivia in a bath. She asked the angel outright who had done this to her.

"Her father, when she was very young." the angel explained.

"That's who is responsible for the hand as well then?"

"Yes." the angel nodded.

"He still living?" Roberta asked.

"Yes" the angel nodded again.

"Pity" she responded and continued to bathe Olivia

Again Castiel was impressed with the care the nurse delivered to Olivia. She took time to dry her hair, and apply her lotions, she had asked Castiel to provide familiar items such as her favorite shampoo's, lotions, and perfumes saying she felt it was important to keep things normal as possible. He was thankful for this on nights like this one when he lay next to her and breathed her in, she smelled and felt like Olivia.

Roberta always took time for Castiel as well. She would explain everything that was being done and why. She encouraged him to spend as much time as possible with her and to talk to her and touch her. Roberta believed Olivia would wake up and be just fine, or at least she was good at making Castiel believe it.

Tonight Roberta came into the room first to administer more medication, then checked her vital signs, she took her temperature and made notes as she stood in front of various machines.

Castiel watched her anxiously.

"She is doing fine." Roberta assured him. "She isn't getting worse and a few things just might look a little better. "I'll know more when I talk to the doctor."

"But she has improved with the medication?" he questioned.

"Now don't go getting too excited, but… yes a few things look promising."

Castiel gave a slight smile.

"Now listen," Roberta warned, "…it might not be anything at all, let me talk to the doctor first."

Castiel nodded obediently but, couldn't hide the slight smile that curled his lips. "Thank you Roberta."

Roberta let out a sigh and nodded, "Just remember what I said. It might not mean anything."


	13. Chapter 11

Okay very quiet here. lol not sure if you are sleeping or busy or i am too damn fast. i have 3 more chaps just ready and waiting for this story. My beta on the other story is moving so it will be next week before i can move on that one. again what are we thinking with Cass in this. should he go angle fu or be thankful???

few surprises in this... if you are still with me lol

FEEDBACK

xox

EP

**Chapter 11**

**Second Chances**

A loud beeping sounded and Castiel was suddenly aware again. Where was he? His eyes heavy, he forced them open and found himself in Olivia's hospital room, lying next her in the bed. It was the usual position except he hadn't put himself there. He was trying to remember what happened, when the loud sound that woke him started again "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP".

"Nrrgh" he groaned, as tiny sparks of pain shot in all directions inside his head with the high pitched sound.

Again it stopped.

He raised up and rested on one elbow and tried to focus his eyes, things were becoming clearer and so was his memory. He looked down to Olivia's body next to him. She was so warm, just as if she were asleep. Why the hell couldn't she just be asleep, his mind reeled frustrated.

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP"

He closed his eyes with the pain that again rose and then broke apart flaming in his brain. He forced himself upright to try to find the source of the beeping and figure out where the nurse was who tended the machine was. He swung his feet to the floor as the door opened.

"Ah you're awake." Roberta said to the angel as she walked to the machine setting off the alarm, she pushed a few buttons and it settled.

"Yes." he said quietly, "Thank you."

"No problem hun… but.. blacking out isn't going to help her or you." the woman approached him and spoke sympathetically.

"I didn't" he started to explain

"Oh yes you did." she chucked at him "Looked like you tied one on pretty good too." she went on.

"Oh?" he asked confused trying to remember exactly what happened.

"Oh sweetie it's okay," she said with the sympathetic tone again. "You've been through it. I know… I see you here nearly every night… all night. I know how hard this is."

Castiel just nodded, he honestly didn't remember how he got there or what happened.

"I'm going to check a few more patients, give you a chance to wake up. When I come back I'll bath Olivia, maybe I'll even do her nails." Roberta told him before leaving the room.

"Thank you Roberta" Castiel replied quietly and moved the chair next to her bed.

"I love you." he whispered to Olivia as he stroked her hair, then hung his head trying to remember.

XXXX

Early that morning.

The doctor came in and he hadn't been as hopeful as Roberta about the changes she noted or the amount of time it was taking to see results. He was going to continue the medication for now but, he said he felt is was time to consider the possibility that she may never wake.

Castiel could not even consider the possibility, he left the hospital almost blind with grief and rage. Emotions were new to him, actually feeling them, allowing himself to feel them was new. What he was feeling at the moment was far more powerful than he was equipped to deal with alone. At first the just wanted to level something, a building, a mountain, yes that would be better, some act of pure force. He really didn't have that sort of power anymore and it would have been pointless anyway.

He found himself back at Olivia's apartment. He went to the nightstand drawer to look for her address book. He needed to contact Inez and tell her the news. In the process he found the envelope he had taken from the private investigator.

'This is where the blame lies.' He thought, he called Inez, explained what the doctor had told him and a moment later he was in Atkinson.

He didn't know what he intended to do, so all he did was watch, first he went to the hospital where Olivia's mother was being kept. She was still alive but, admittedly, did not look well. Next he went to find her father, it wasn't even eleven o'clock in the morning but, he could be found sitting in his favorite bar. Then on to Curtis Baxter, he wasn't home but, his new wife could be found sporting a broken arm. The angel growled to himself, he had no doubt that the arm was not an accident and the only thing about Curtis that had changed was his victim.

He spent the day and most of the night watching these people. He got to witness Harvey Marks stumble out of the bar and hurl himself into his truck to play hit or miss in his drunken state on the back roads of New Hampshire. He also got to see the next argument break out between Curits Baxter and his wife, while their children hid upstairs waiting for the screaming to subside.

He had made up his mind, all of them needed to be taught a lesson, all of them needed to be reminded that their actions had consequences. That is when he was interrupted.

XXX

"You need to try harder." the voice coaxed Olivia.

"Trying makes me tired." she complained.

"You heard the doctor. They are going to give up." the voice persisted.

"Are you going to tell me who you are?" she grumbled.

"When I come back."

"Where are you going?"

XXX

"This isn't where you need to be" Castiel heard the familiar voice speak to him.

He wasn't really surprised, he had felt the presence of his brother as he arrived in the wooded lot.

"This doesn't concern you Gabriel." Castiel hissed. "What ever business we have can be finished later."

"Oh but you're wrong, this is my business." he sighed.

"How so?" Castiel questioned remaining still while arming himself with his dagger.

"Put that away." Gabriel said.

"Leave me to take care of this."

"I told you it is my unfinished business… not yours" Gabriel insisted.

"This has nothing to do with you." Castiel hissed

"Yes it does… she was mine." he confessed.

With this Castiel, turned his focus away from Curtis Baxter and moved to face his brother for the first time since his arrival.

"Yours?" he questioned.

"Yes Mine." the archangel grumbled rolling his eyes. "You know we all get them, I was to help her, look out for her."

"Protect her?" Castiel snarled

"More like help her cope." Gabriel explained. "I wasn't to stop it if that is what you think."

"What then?" the angel asked.

"I was to help her seek help."

"And you didn't?"

"It was the 70's I was… busy." he explained, poorly

Castiel took a deep breath and tried to comprehend what Gabriel had told him. Olivia was to be his charge and he was to assist her in getting away from her father. But Gabriel wasn't in heaven to get those orders.

"Do you know what he did to her?" Castiel snarled, positioning himself nose to nose with his brother.

"Yeah… I know," he said sheepishly. "…And I know about the husband too… I fucked up.. I know.. I admit it. It's why I'm here, it's why I have been coaxing Olivia to wake up."

"Coaxing? "

"Yeah I've been in her head talking, she's awake in there, she knows everything. That's why you need to be with her and not here fucking around. Retribution is my thing. You need to be with her.. She is going to wake up any time now."

"You're certain?"

'Yes.. Look the new drugs are working.. She's close."

"I'll go… As soon as I take care of this." Castiel said determined.

"Okay fine but let me help.. I'm an expert at pay-back." Gabriel offered.

"Fine" Castiel snarled.

Just then Gabriel handed him a beer. "If I am gonna have a partner I might as well break you in right." he said.

Castiel glared at the bottle then at his brother.

"Oh come on you been hitting the sauce pretty good lately, least that's what I heard… a beer with your brother isn't gonna taint your wings now." he chucked and winked.

Castiel nodded reluctantly and tipped the bottle to his mouth. That was the last thing he remembered.

XXX

"Gabriel… you son of a bitch." Castiel hissed as he raised his head remembering everything that had happened.

He wasn't sure what it was that Gabriel gave him, but if there was an angel devious and powerful enough to come up with a concoction to knock another angel on his ass it was Gabe. There was no point in going back and confronting him now, for the moment Castiel could only hope that he was right about Olivia.

Castiel was feeling better, his vision and head had cleared and his memory was intact. He stood and looked down at Olivia lying on the bed. He looked closely this time Gabe had said she was awake inside. She could hear him, them, she knew what was happening. He also said she was close to waking and the medication was working.

"Olivia, I'm here and I'm waiting. I know you can hear me… Please keep trying." he spoke softly into her ear.

A moment later the door opened and Roberta came in with a stack of towels and sheets.

"Well you look better." she smiled at the angel as she laid the pile of linens on the nearby chair.

"I am awake at least." he said with a small smile.

The nurse moved closer to him and looked into his eyes. "Yep, bloodshot as all hell." she shook her head and reached into the pocket of her uniform shirt and pulled out a packet of aspirin. "Looks like you could use these." she said with a smirk.

Castiel thanked and her and thought to himself, he agreed, he needed them but more like two bottles rather than the two tablets inside the package.

"I'm sorry about earlier." he said "I… ran into my brother, I guess I didn't realize what I was drinking." he told her.. In part the truth.

"Don't worry about it. Like I said… You've been through a lot I would imagine it would be pretty easy to… want to forget."

With that Roberta turned to Olivia and began getting her ready for a bath. Castiel took it upon himself to chose fresh pajamas for her, he was feeling more hopeful than ever after finding out Gabe was able to speak to Olivia, although he didn't want to let Roberta sense his optimism just yet.

Roberta was in the bathroom with Olivia about ten minutes when she begain shouting for Castiel.

"Get in here" he heard her scream almost panicked. "Castiel hurry!" she kept shouting.

Castiel was next to the nurse in a moment looking down into the tub with wide eyes.

""She's moving" Roberta said enthusiastically. "We have to get her out before she hurts herself."

Castiel moved the woman aside and bent to reach into the tub with both arms.

"Careful she is heavier than she looks, dead weight remember." Roberta reminded.

Castiel smiled to himself. He could lift Olivia with but a finger, Roberta however did not know that.

"I've got her." he assured as he gently lifted her body from the warm water.

Roberta was waiting with a flannel blanket and wrapped Olivia inside it before Castiel carried her back to the bed. Stay with her, Roberta instructed and she ran into the hallway, returning a moment later with two other nurses.

Just as they came into the room Olivia began to gasp then cough a moment after that, her eyes fluttered open.


	14. Chapter 12

Mild mild mild smut consider it a warm up for things to come. and some good Cas and Danny interactions.

Chapter 12

Home

Danny opened the back door of the bookstore with his key as Castiel helped Olivia out of Inez's car. Olivia moved slowly, more stiff and sore from too much time immobile than sick . As she planted her feet on the ground and was just about to take her first step toward home, she was swept off of her feet literaly.

"Ummm I can walk" she said to Castiel with a small laugh when he lifted her into his arms. "It's my arm that is in the cast remember?" she teased.

"The doctor said you would need rest to recover completely… there is no need for you to exert yourself more than necessary when I am here." he told her flatly, he then shifted his arms to cradle her in a more comfortable position.

"Castiel a few steps aren't going to hurt, and that is not what the doctor meant." she sighed.

"…You need to rest and you will do so as long as I am looking after you." he stated with the same firm tone.

Inez watched the conversation, amused, from the front seat of her car.

"Don't fight it Vee." she laughed, "You're not gonna get this offer everyday." she joked. "Besides it's romantic as all hell." she grinned

"You're not helping." Olivia grumbled at her friend.

Castiel ignored her protests and continued on to carry her through the open door of the shop. Danny closed and once again locked the door behind them, before retuning to the car with Inez, to go and pick up dinner for everyone.

Olivia narrowed her eyes at the angel but, gave up the fight and slid her good arm around his neck. "You're being impossible you know." she whispered stretching her neck forward towards his ear. Castiel simply looked at her then continued to carry Olivia up the stairs to her apartment and he didn't set her down until he reached her bedroom.

Olivia had woken up three days ago, at first she was alarmed and then frightened and finally completely freaked out, to find she had been comatose nearly 2 weeks. The Doctor reassured her she would be fine, aside from a few months of medication to make sure the seizures were stable and needing a new cast on her arm, as the other one was now soaked from the tub, she would be just fine.

When Danny arrived a few hours later, Castiel was thrilled to see the boys eyes light up at the sight of his mother sitting upright and talking. Inez was relieved it was over and Castiel did what angels do best… he observed it all.. But he never left Olivia's side.

Walking into the bedroom Castiel gently sat Olivia on the bed, then immediately knelt at her feet and began to pull off her shoes. He slid them under the bed then he looked up at her with a small smile. She wanted to tell him she could do this herself, but it was obvious he wouldn't let her and in a strange way she sensed he almost needed to care for her this way.

His eyes closed as if looking for composure, "Olivia, I thought…" his voice faded, and she understood.

"Shh" she quieted his concerns and reached to stroke his cheek, he eagerly tilted his head into the caress, then took her hand in his and kissed her palm. He missed her, he missed having her to himself, this small gesture told her all she needed to know about what the angel was feeling. All she could do in response was nod.

He rose to his knees and leant close to her, there were no words for what he was feeling. His lips brushed gently against hers at first, before parting enough to taste her lips. The kiss was tender and gentle and spread into countless tiny flutters across her chin and down her neck, as he first cupped her face in his hands and then cradled her head as she revealed her neck. Her own hand reaching around his neck to twist her fingers through his hair. "I love you." she whispered to him when his lips again met hers. A small smile curled his mouth, hearing her say the words. They had shared many kisses and she had told him many times she loved him since she came to, but now that she was home and on the way to recovering, it somehow meant something more to the angel.

"I love you Olivia." he whispered against her waiting mouth, kissing her deeply, before he gently held her head against his chest for a moment, "You need to get in bed." he told her, brining his face to hers and bumping his nose against her own, she gigged and bit his lip.

Castiel returned the kiss and chuckled. "You need rest" he chided. "We can continue this after you are rested and settled."

"I need you." she persisted with a kiss. "I've missed you." she breathed against his ear, the words and the want they contained, not to mention his own desire caused him to release a playful growl.

"You need to change and rest." his words betrayed his need.

"It is safe to assume you are staying then." she questioned.

Castiel closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers. "Of course, Olivia I would not leave you now… I will stay until I am satisfied you are well."

She nodded causing noses to bump and lips to play once again.

Castiel pulled away from her long enough to retrieve clothing from her dresser. He found pajamas then returned and knelt in front of her again. Olivia stood to unfasten her jeans and found the angels hands were eager to help. Castiel from his place on the floor tugged the faded denim down over her hips allowing his hands to brush over the warms smooth skin of her hips and legs as he did. His mouth wanted nothing more than to plant kisses on the silken flesh under his hands and he was finding it hard to breathe as he instructed her to sit down and he worked the fabric away from her legs. Once her flesh was bare in front of him he couldn't help but let his hands wander over the soft smooth skin of her legs again. Rising to his knees once more.

"I miss you touching me" she told him as she bent her head and reached her hand behind his neck to pull him closer

"Me too…" he breathed into her waiting lips allowing his hands to settle on her hips. "…But for now…" he smiled as he pulled away, trying to focus on the task at hand rather than the want screaming in his chest and groin.

His hands reached for the hem of her t-shirt but found her hips once again to too close to be ignored. He slid his hands over them before grasping the shirt and they both let out wantons sighs before their mouths locked together in a much deeper kiss.

"I've missed this." he sighed into her ear as he lifted the t-shirt, slowing to work the sleeve around the cast on her left arm.

"Yes." Olivia nodded against him reveling in the sensation of his fingers on her skin.

He pulled away again with her t-shirt in his hand. "You are making this very difficult" he said with a chuckle.

"I'm sorry" she giggled, leaning forward then pulling him back to her and wrapping her arm around his neck.

"You don't look sorry." he playfully growled at her, pressing his mouth to her bare shoulder.

"I'm sorry we don't have more time alone right now." she offered.

He again released a small rare laugh, "That is regrettable." he agreed as she softly bit into the flesh of the crook of her neck.

The moment was interrupted by the sound of the apartment door opening then closing and Inez's voice instructing the boys to "put the food in the kitchen."

XXX

After dinner Inez cleaned up the mess and did the dishes, Castiel walked Olivia to the couch. She could have gotten there perfectly fine on her own but, the angel was insistent she not do anything on her own, so insistent she half expected him to feed her dinner, he didn't, thankfully. Danny and Brian played video games and Erin, Brian's five year old sister nagged them relentlessly to let her play too. After everyone had gone home for the night Castiel and Danny ordered Olivia back to bed. She didn't argue the day had brought more commotion than she had endured in a while and she was looking forward to sinking deep in her bed under the comforter, she just hoped those plans included her favorite angel.

Once in her room Castiel went to check all of the doors and make sure everything was locked for the night and Danny sat on his mothers bed with a hint of worry in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Olivia asked the boy.

Danny shook his head, "Nothing…" he said

"You were afraid I wouldn't wake up huh?" she asked him gently

He nodded and Olivia could see the tears he was fighting, she could imagine what those two weeks were like for him.

"I'm sorry Danny." she said opening her arms and letting him fall into a hug.

"If doesn't matter… you're okay now.' he said with a small crack in his voice.

"I'm okay… but it does matter." she told him, "I should have made better arrangements…. I should have made sure you felt safe."

"It's okay I was safe, Inez took care of me and Castiel took care of you for me and it was all okay." he told her at a fast pace that she knew meant he didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"Danny… I love you. Listen to me you won't ever end up with your father and you will not ever end up with mine. Understand?"

He nodded.

"If something happens to me you, will be with Inez. You will be okay… I should have explained all of this to you… I just never thought…" her voice trailed off and the boy recognized the tears now forming in his mother eyes.

"It's okay" he told her as he hugged her. "I was scared but, I knew you'd be okay. I.. I.. just wanted you to wake up… I wanted you to come home."

"I know" Olivia told him softly as she stroked his hair and held her son. "I promise I'm not going anywhere."

Castiel stood in the doorway watching the mother and child, the dynamics of this sort of relationship was still very new to him. He was impressed none the less with the love and reassurance the two shown for one another. He wondered if all parent child relationships were this way. He assumed not, based on some of the things he had seen while on earth.

Olivia looked up to see Castiel leaning in the door way and she gave him a small smile and a nod signaling he could come in. The angel entered the room quietly and sat on the other side of the bed and looked at them both intently.

"So are you alright?" Olivia asked Danny

"Yeah" he smiled

"Good."

"Does it hurt?" he asked pointing to her cast.

"Not bad." she assured him.

"Should I get your medicine?" he asked.

Olivia nodded "That might be a good idea."

"He missed you terribly." Castiel told her in a low voice as soon as Danny was out of the room.

"All we have ever had is each other." she said with a thoughtful nod.

"He loves you very much, you are as much his friend as his mother." Castiel observed.

"I think he was the first person who ever really loved me back." she said her voice tinged with sadness

"Olivia-" Castiel whispered.

"Shh.. You were the second and that's good enough for me."

"There are many who love you." Castiel corrected.

When Danny returned with the medicine he had a dvd in his hand.

"Can we watch this or is it too late?" he asked.

Olivia sighed "It's late but… yes come on." she said moving over and making more room for Danny on the bed.

The movie was Spiderman, it was Danny's favorite to watch when he was sick, now he thought it might cheer up his mother.

Olivia snuggled between the two her angel and her son, while they passed a bowl of popcorn between them and Danny oooh'd and ahhh'd pointing out his favorite parts to Castiel. Olivia smiled in her sleepy haze watching the two of them get along so well.

When the movie was over Danny got up and kissed his mother goodnight and went to his room. Castiel took the empty bowl of popcorn to the kitchen, on his way back he was met in the living room by Danny.

"Thank you." the boy said as sincerely as he had ever said anything in this life. Just before throwing his arms around the angel.

Castiel was taken by surprise at the boys show of emotion but was happy to return the hug.

"You're staying with her tonight? Right?" Danny questioned.

"Yes" Castiel confirmed. "She won't be alone." he assured

"Okay" Danny said.

"Remember what he talked about." Castiel reminded.

Danny nodded and reached into the pocked of his pajamas and pulled out a small paper. "I made a bunch of copies." the boy said.

"Good." the angel replied.


	15. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Dreams and Nightmares

Olivia was not in her bed when Castiel returned from the kitchen, the bedroom was empty. He stopped just inside the door and listened, he could hear the sound of running water in her bathroom. Walking across the room he found the bathroom door open and Olivia bent over the tub preparing a bath.

"What are you doing?" he asked entering the room.

"I want a bath." she said with a small smile.

"Olivia it is late." he reminded.

"I know and I don't really know why… I just want to soak for a little while and I would like you to join me." she told him.

Castiel smiled at her. "When you were…" he searched his mind for a better words than 'in a coma.', "asleep" he decided sounded less frightening, "the nurse would bathe you late at night. She said it they did it then because is was more calm." he explained, moving closer and taking the bottle of bubble bath from her hand, removing the cap he began to pour it under the water.

"So I've been reprogrammed?" she laughed.

"Perhaps you just liked the routine." he suggested.

"Maybe." she said sounding slightly bothered by the thought.

"What is it Olivia?" He asked concerned.

She shook her head. "Nothing really," she gave him a small smile, "It is just sort of strange… not knowing, having a part of my life that… I don't know about."

Castiel sat the bottle on the edge of the tub and drew her into his arms and she pressed her face into his chest once again feeling frightened. "It was only a few days, Olivia. You were well taken care of. I wouldn't have settled for less…" he told her softly as he gently kissed the top of her head. I will tell you everything if you want to know, if it will make you feel better." he consoled her with a whisper.

Olivia nodded her head against his chest. "I just can't remember anything at all." she sighed. "It scares me… I don't know why."

"Because it feels as though you have lost a part of yourself." he said quietly.

"Yes…" she nodded "How do you know?"

Castiel looked down at her and smiled. "I just do."

"Angel fu huh?" she giggled.

"Perhaps," he said giving a slight eye roll at the comment. He released her and turned the water off. "Lets take a bath."

Castiel again helped her to undress, and then undressed himself. Stepping into the bath he helped Olivia in next and they both sank down into the strawberry scented bubbles. Her body resting back against his, skin to skin surrounded by warm sweet smelling water. Olivia rested her cast on the towel on the edge of the tub then leant back against the angel.

The angels arms encircled her as she relaxed against him. He could feel a sigh escape her lips and her body went limp against him. "Does this feel better?" he asked his voice husky in her ear.

"Yes." She whispered, feeling his arms tighten around her, "You make me feel better." and she lowered her right hand into the water near his leg.

"I miss your touch as well." He whispered in her ear as she stroked his bare flesh and he began to rub her shoulders. "Are you still frightened?" he asked.

"Not with you here." she told him.

"Good… relax, let me take care of you while I am." he said "I won't leave until you feel safe again."

Olivia tilted her head up and Castiel met her with a light kiss and then he reached for her soap and wash cloth. Reaching over her he lathered her body with gentle hands, before turning on the water and washing and rinsing her hair. When he finished he helped her out of the tub and wrapped her in a fresh towel before turning on the shower and quickly washing himself. He didn't need a shower but he liked the feeling and he loved how her fingers felt in his hair when it was damp. When he was finished he wrapped a clean towel around his waist and found Olivia at the sink brushing her teeth.

He wrapped his arms around her from behind and nuzzled his face into to her neck around her damp hair. "I want to take you to bed." he breathed into her ear before he untwisted the towel around her and dried her, then lifted her as her legs wrapped around his waist. Castiel pressed his face against her shoulder and breathed in the smell of her skin.

"Olivia" her name burst from his mouth huskily and she sought his mouth with her own.

The kiss was deep and hard, her injured arm rested on his shoulder while the hand of the other raked through his hair. Soft moans escaped the angels mouth in to hers as he lost himself in the feeling.

He carried her to the bed and lay her down under him while his hands traced the sides of her body. "I want you." Olivia sighed breathlessly as she arched her neck and back feeling his fingers blazing hot trails over her flesh. She bent a leg and the angel's groin sank down flush against her with a loud groan from him.

Castiel pulled back from the kiss and looked down on her, "You're sure?" he asked his voice deep and raspy with desire.

"Yes." she answered reaching to touch his face. "I want you." she breathed into his parted lips and she reached around the back of his head and pressed his mouth against hers hard.

He kissed her until her head sank deeply into the pillow and a moan came from her throat. He needed her, the days she was lost, were terrifying to him as well. She was his hope. He parted her legs with his knees and pressed his hard cock against her entrance. Her hips thrust toward him, her passion for the angel unrestrained.

His lips kissed the line of her collarbone, leaving a wet trail, the heat from his mouth, his skin, unbelievably hot. He pressed into her, she felt him hard and sleek and smooth as he rocked his hips against hers. The soft whimpers and mews seeping from her lips pure ecstasy to him. He panted through parted lips as he sank deeper and deeper into her, watching her arch and stretch, hearing her moan his name driving his passion his want.

When she came he was there to catch her, brining his arms up and under her from behind. He pressed his lips to her ear and coaxed her release feeling, her give herself to him so completely. He allowed himself to lose control inside of her relinquishing his own cries of passion .

XXX

Olivia lay sleeping inside Castiel's arms. He watched as she drifted off stroking her hair and face assuring her he would be with her and she would be safe in his arms. "I love you Olivia." he whispered to her as her eyes closed.

Now he pressed himself firmly against her feeling her through the t shirt she wore flush against him, his hands tracing the curve of her hip ever so lightly, while he listened to her breathe.

He was startled when her body stiffened and her head tossed. She was always still and quiet when she slept in his arms, something had changed.

She jerked and whimpered in her sleep, her breathing increased.

"Olivia" he spoke her name, but the nightmare continued.

XXX

It was dark and she was a child, Olivia knew she was dreaming these images in her mind were no longer real. Her father could no longer hurt her but it didn't make the situation any less terrifying than it had been the first time. She was hiding because she had broken a dish. It wasn't that her father was particularly fond of the dish, it was that he looked for any excuse to punish her and he usually found one daily. He reached under the table and wound his huge hands around her long hair and she screamed.

XXX

"Olivia" Castiel's face was now hovering above hers, his heart sank as the scream broke from her lips. He knew she was dreaming and he sensed she was reliving moments from her past that were better left alone.

"Wake up… Olivia wake up" he said loud and firm as he brought his arms around her and lifted her close to his face. At first her eyes rolled and he could see tears streaming in the dim light.

"Shh… it's just a dream…" he told her gently, as she became aware of someone holding on to her.

'No no no" she repeated and fought against the angel.

"Olivia… you're okay it's me." he said "Look at me Olivia it's just me."

Her eyes slowly focused and she started to realize she had been dreaming and collapsed against the angels arms, sobs bursting from her chest.

"Shhh my love… you're safe… it was just a dream… no one can hurt you now." Castiels voice told her in a soft rasp, "No one will ever hurt you." he soothed.

She was already soaked with sweat, he didn't know exactly what she had dreamed but, he knew it must have been horrific.

"I'm sorry" she sobbed

"There's no reason, don't be afraid, I'm here…" he comforted.

A moment later there was a knock on the bedroom door and then the door swung open to reveal Danny.

"is..is she okay?" he asked sleepy and scared.

"Yes.." Castiel motioned the boy into the room. "It was a nightmare." he explained.

Danny nodded crawling in bed next to his mother, putting his arms around her and lying his head on her back.

"It's okay now.. Remember?" Danny soothed his mother as she regained composure. She nodded and rolled on her side to hold the child.

'I'm okay." she told him and she forced a smile.

"Do you want tea?" he asked.

She nodded

"I'll get it." Castiel offered as he slid out of bed. "Stay with her." he told the boy.

XXX

Olivia calmed and went into the bathroom to splash her face leaving Castiel alone with Danny. Danny watched her go then looked at him.

"She hasn't had a bad dream in a long time." he told the angel.

"She has had them before?"

"Yeah.. When I was little she used to have them a lot." the boy explained.

Castiel nodded. "I think she's okay now." he told him

Danny nodded. "She likes tea when she has them." he informed the angel. "It helps her go back to sleep."

"How often does she have them now?

Danny shrugged "Last time was a few months ago. And before that a long time. Sometimes she screams and sometimes she just cries in her sleep."

Castiel furrowed his brow. "I will keep an eye on her" the angel promised.

XXX

Danny had gone back to his bed and Olivia had once again fallen asleep. The dream was about her father she told him once Danny had left the room but she didn't want to discuss the details and he didn't push.

Once again she was peaceful in his arms, he was going to watch her closely. He was also going to make sure her father was dealt with.


	16. Chapter 14

Gabe comes back to keep his promise and the boys start to snoop! lots of little bits here.

Feed back and enjoy.

xox

EP

Chapter 14

Family Business

It was Saturday and Olivia had decided it was time for her to start back to work. Castiel wasn't sure he was in agreement with her decision, and it wasn't just because he had her all to himself during the day while Danny was at school, although it was his favorite reason. She had been home a full week, she has half way through the recovery period with her arm. However, his worry didn't lie with her broken arm. He feared it was it was too much too soon, she had also had a seizure and spent 12 days in a coma, not to mention she was not sleeping well, or at least peacefully at night. Olivia had experienced several more nightmares through the past week and he could not find a way to calm them. He had also noticed she was more jumpy than usual and she seemed too quiet, more often than not. He didn't know what was going on inside of her head but, felt the whole ordeal had, at the very least, been disquieting to her and she wasn't talking about it to him or anyone else.

When the alarm went off Olivia started roll away from Castiel to turn it off. He tightened his arms around her, stopping her movent then he reached over her to switch it off himself.

"Not yet." he whispered, and he felt her settle in against him again.

"I know you don't want me to go." she sighed and rolled towards him.

"I think it is too soon." he agreed.

Olivia nodded and pressed her face into his chest. "I'm ready… I'm bored." she grumbled. "…And you… I know you have more important things to do."

"Taking care of you is what I need to do right now."

"I know better… I hear you on the phone, I see you when you watch the news, I know if I don't let you go, none of this will matter soon."

"I will go if and when I must." he reassured her, "But for now I think the store is too much work, Olivia you have been through considerably more than anyone expected." he reminded her gently.

"Inez will be here today… let me try. If I can't do it, then I will close for a week… Call it a vacation and I will sit here and stare at the walls and worry about you." she joked.

Castiel nodded with a small smile. "Whatever you decide." he told her, not wanting to cause a disagreement, even though he was wishing she would just take an extra week to recover.

XXX

Olivia had been downstairs only two hours and Castiel was already beginning to notice she was wearing thin. He watched her sort through a box of books that had arrived the day before. Reaching in and sorting with one hand. She was becoming frustrated he could tell and moved to help her.

"I can do this." she told him with a small smile, but the angel knew better.

"You're getting tired." he informed her. "And this task is impossible with one hand and you know it."

"It's not impossible it will just take longer…." she sighed

The angel looked at her knowingly.

"Okay a lot longer." she shrugged.

"Let me help" he said pulling books from the box not waiting for her approval.

Olivia gave in and allowed him to help her sort and inventory the books, then he began to put them on the shelves she directed him to. He watched her closely the rest of the day and several times stopped her, wanting her to rest. It was apparent to him she was not ready, he had come to know the signals she sent when she was in pain. Right now he knew her arm ached and her head hurt, her neck as well. He could only hope she was getting the same message, that she really was not ready. It was later in the day, almost an hour from closing. He was just about to insist she stop for the day and rest when his cell rang. He reached into his pocket to silence it, hoping Olivia had not heard, she had.

As he answered the call he saw her head turn sharply to the back of the store where he had busied himself straightening shelves. She looked at him just before he turned to enter her office in the backroom. A few moments later she came in, sat in her desk chair and looked up at him expectantly.

"We should go upstairs, you need to rest and something has come up." he said his voice low, not wanting Inez to hear.

"Okay… I'll tell Inez I'm done for the day, she can close."

Castiel nodded then asked. "Where's Danny?"

"He went to the park with Brian."

Castiel nodded again, "That should give us sometime." he said.

Olivia went to the front and told Inez she was going upstairs and then she returned to find Casitel waiting for her. Once in her apartment he took her hand and led her to the bedroom. Again he knelt and removed her shoes before going to the dresser for her pajama's.

"What's going on?" she questioned.

"I need to leave for a little while." he explained.

"So you're sending me to bed?" she asked with a small confused laugh.

"Yes… I am." he said flatly and looking at her with a most serious expression. "I don't know how long I will be but, I do know you are tired, your arm hurts and so does your head." he went on.

"How do you know?" Olivia asked surprised.

Castiel gave her a small chuckle "Am I wrong?"

"No" she said with a small laugh.

"I want you to rest while I am gone." he told her, then he helped her change before pulling the covers back on the bed. He sat next to her and massaged her neck with strong fingers, again seeing the scars he bent his head to cover the spot with light kisses.

"I love you" he whispered feeling her relax under his hands. "You can't rush this Olivia, your body needs to heal."

She nodded her understanding, if she weren't so stubborn she would have agreed, she was exhausted after only a few hours. "Where are you going?" she asked.

"I need to do something, when I return I will explain more." He said getting up and leaving the room to get her medication.

"Castiel?" she said when he returned.

"Yes?" he answered and handed her the pills and a glass of water.

"Should I worry? about you I mean."

"No" he said matter of fact. "Not this time."

XXX

Gabriel was waiting in the same wooded lot that bordered Curtis Baxter's home, in the exact same spot as he had found Castiel before.

"Gabriel." He heard his brother almost growl upon his arrival.

"Don't tell me you are still pissed." the Arch sighed, hearing the tone of his brothers voice.

"You interfered and you… rendered me unconscious." he complained.

"Castiel you weren't listening. Olivia needed you with her more than you needed to be here." he argued "…and I have explained to you, this is my obligation. If anyone needs to seek retribution for her it is me not you."

"You gave up that duty when you neglected your charge." Castiel informed him as if sighting some unknown law.

"Well I am repenting… that okay with you?" Gabriel defended. "Besides you haven't exactly been a poster boy angel yourself." he was quick to point out.

"I admit I have done, things I shouldn't, but I believe most were necessary." he countered.

"Tell that to the liquor stores you've pillaged." The other angel reminded.

Castiel huffed and looked away.

Gabriel continued and gave a soft chuckle, "Olivia? She was necessary?"

Castiel slid his hands deep into his pockets and looked to the sky. "Yes…." He replied thoughtfully. "I believe so. I believe she changed me… or helped me to change." he finished.

"You're still riding on the rims without her?" Gabe questioned sympathetically.

Castiel looked at him confused.

"Out of control Cass." his brother explained. "You're angry, ungrounded, more than a little foolish, when you aren't with her."

Castiel sighed, his head still pointed upward he closed his eyes. "Beyond foolish... reckless" he admitted. " with or with out her."

"But you love her?" Gabriel asked.

"Yes… as I said… reckless" Castiel pointed out. "I never intended to… I didn't even realize until… until I had nothing, or I thought I had nothing." He explained, "When I went to her… to say goodbye." his lips curled into a small smile, "She filled the emptiness. I couldn't stay away… and why should I?"

Gabriel nodded, he understood what his brother was saying. "Why should you indeed." he agreed.

XXX

"Mom" Danny called as he opened the door to the apartment above the bookstore. "Castiel?" he called again.

He got no answer so he proceeded to walk to his mothers bedroom. The door was open and he found her to be sleeping peacefully. He continued to look around the apartment for Castiel. He didn't find him and thought it strange, as he had assured the boy he would not leave his mother alone.

He reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper with a phone number written on it then went to the phone to dial.

XXX

"What about the others?" Gabriel questioned.

Castiel again looked at him confused.

"The other angels… you know, Zach his buddies, the asshole brigade… do they know about her.. Is she safe from them?"

"I have warded the bookstore to the degree it is invisible to them." he informed.

Gabe nodded then added "Demons, Luci?"

"There has been no sign." Castiel told him.

"The Winchesters?" he continued to question.

"They know of her… but no specifics and they know nothing of… Us… our relationship."

Gabriel nodded again, "Good. These two are bad enough, let's keep heaven and hell out of it."

Castiels cell phone rang. He pulled his phone from his pocket and looked at the number calling and became somewhat alarmed.

"Olivia?" he answered, trying not to sound panicked.

"Ummm no it's me Danny." the boy corrected.

"Danny is everything alright?"

"I think so… I came home and no one was here and Mom was asleep. I was worried." he explained.

"I had to leave for a little while, I won't be long." he told the boy before hanging up.

"We need to do this." Castiel said.

XXX

Sam finished talking to Bobby and closed his phone then opened his lap top.

"Now here is something interesting." he said out loud.

"What?" Dean asked scarfing down the last bite of his breakfast.

"Bobby picked up on a news article. I don't know what it means if anything."

"And?" Dean asked impatient.

"Atkinson, New Hampshire it looks like both the town drunk and the son of the wealthiest family in town were both attacked in their homes."

"Yeah… so?" Dean asked unimpressed.

"By two men who Claimed to be ANGELS." Sam told him wide eyed with a knowing nod.

"Angels… really?" Dean chuckled. "Any specifics?"

"Not really both have been hospitalized but, they do have something in common." Sam noted.

"Something that would piss off an angel or two?"

"I don't think so, says here, that Curtis Baxter, that's the rich guy, was once married to Harvey Marks daughter."

"Harvey Marks… town drunk?" Dean confirmed.

"Yeah"

Dean read the article over his brothers shoulder, "Well they seem to remember the details so I don't think either was possessed but, why the hell would the angels rough them up?"

"I dunno" Sam replied confused.

"Wait… what was that girls name Cass was talking about?" Dean asked.

"Sam shook his head."

"Olivia?" Dean questioned.

"Yeah I think… why?"

"Says here the daughter's name was Olivia Marks Baxter." Dean pointed to the screen.

"You don't think? He did say she was having some problems…" Sam remembered."…and Cass has been in a mood lately." he continued.

"Yeah a fucking bad one." Dean finished.

"Where's Cas now?"

"Don't ask me, he goes off weeks at a time since Daddy turned out to be full of shit." Dean grumbled "But I gotta feeling we find this Olivia chick… we find Cass."


	17. Chapter 15

**Rated M for SMUT… enjoy…**

_FFN is not cooperating again so I will keep this short and sweet. We have some Sam and Dean antics and some SMUT. Sorry it has take so long to update but I have been very busy with other stuff. I should get back to normal by next week I hope._

_FEED BACK I want to know how the boys seem to you.. And anything else you have to offer._

_Xox_

_EP_

**Chapter 15**

**Hide and Seek**

"Oh shit… I'm sorry" Olivia giggled after she clobbered Castile's head with her cast as she was trying to wrap both arms around his neck.

"It didn't hurt." he chuckled at her reassuringly and went back to nibbling her neck.

"It had to, I heard the thud." she then rubbed the spot on his head with her good hand.

"Angels have very hard heads." he told her, with a soft laugh, raising his head just long enough to look at her, before planting a kiss on her throat.

"Lucky for you… But I would still duck when you see me coming."

Castiel laid a trail of kisses from the center of Olivia's throat to her mouth, before resting his head in the crook of her neck contentedly.

"What should we do today? Olivia asked.

"This" the angel replied with certainty, then snuggled against her even tighter.

Olivia smiled, the thought of spending the entire day in bed with her lover was more than appealing. Danny had gone to school and both of them relished the time alone.

"You've convinced me." she sighed and closed her eyes feeling Castiel's warm breath on her neck.

He rolled to his side taking her with him and drew her body close against his own. She buried her face in his neck while long fingers caressed the soft curves of her body, they were alone, enjoying the peace and quiet.

The shop downstairs was closed and would be all week, Danny was at school, and Castiel had turned off his cell earlier in the morning, then took Olivia to a bath to soak. He had yet to turn it on again, even though he knew he should, at least to check his voice mail but… he simply didn't want to… Not yet. For now he just wanted to be her lover nothing more. To say the angel had been enjoying his time alone with the woman he loved would be an understatement. He treasured every moment with her.

It had been 3 days since his excursion, to New Hampshire with Gabriel. Olivia had no idea where he had gone or what he had done there and for now, he had no intention of telling her, at least not yet. Her sleep was still restless but, she hadn't had more nightmares and he was thankful for that. With the worry of the store off of her mind, at least temporarily, she seemed more rested and less distracted and again he was grateful. He had no intention of rocking the boat by leaving her now.

He was drawn from his thoughts by Olivia's warm lips kissing a path to his own. He answered the kiss with eager lips as he hungrily sucked and chewed at her willing mouth. He wasn't quite sure what it was about this kiss but, for some reason, it was reminiscent of their first kiss. He remembered how gentle yet passionate that first kiss was, how weak he felt, mentally and physically… and just how strong and real Olivia seemed to him that day. Almost as if she could save him… In essence she had.

Castiel rolled to his back and she rolled with him, then straddled his hips, his already throbbing erection trapped tightly in the warmth between her legs. When she pulled from the kiss, his lower lip was trapped between her teeth, the tug was firm and as she let go a small smirk crossed her lips. Olivia ground her hips against the angels and he gasp at the ache it caused and his hands shot up to her hips to steady her.

"Mmmm that's it." she cooed at him when he gasped and grunted as her hips rotated the wet spot over his cock. His lips parted as he sucked air in already short of breath.

Olivia slid back enough to reach down and grab his cock in her hand and slowly stroked the hard shaft against her belly. Castiel watched her with, astonishment, admiration. She had never been so controlling even though she was the more experience of the two, she had always let him find his way. He had to admit he liked this change, he was eager to see what she was going to do next… and he was quite willing to participate in what ever that was.

The angel's head rolled from side to side and his neck arched as her grip tightened around his swollen cock, her stokes were slow but firm, almost rough, her hand running the entire length of him and when it reached the top, her thumb would lavish the head with a quick and deliberate swirling motion that was bliss.

Castiel gripped her hips harder as he watched her hand caress his swollen flesh pressed up against her belly. Just when he thought he couldn't stand much more she leant over and kissed him, hard and deep. Their tongues wrestled and teeth clashed as the but at each others mouths and chin.

"More?" she questioned as she sucked on his chin and once again ground the wetness between her legs down on him.

"Please" he grunted

The word no sooner left his lips before he felt the shift of her hips and then the damp, heat inside her encompass his aching shaft.

"Yessss." he hissed as she sank down on him driving him deep inside.

He thrust gentle at first, but her grinding against him was anything but gentle.

Gasping her hips once more he thrust harder, then harder still into her. Finding himself pleased with the moans and grunts his efforts evoked from his lover.

"That's it" he said breathlessly as her head tossed to one side then the other.

She looked down on him biting her lower lip and he pounded himself deeper inside her. She met each thrust with a small moan and a hard grinding of her hips against his.

Olivia reached for Castiels shoulder to steady herself and dug her nails in deep while her head tossed back. He pushing himself forward to sitting his mouth covering hers, eye to eye as he let her rock her hips against his driving him even deeper inside of her.

Castiel wrapped arms around her tight and strong as his own head fell back with pleasure. The rocking motion of her hips became harder and more urgent, rough at times, and he felt her teeth dig into the flesh of his exposed neck, ragged, breaths teased his skin and fingers raked through his hair.

Somewhere in his mind he understood, she was seeking more than a physical release, she was letting go the pain of the past. She was purging the fear and the helplessness, as he had done so many times with her. He watched her as she rose and fell with each thrust of her hips. She was beautiful, her hair falling around her face and shoulders, her eyes narrowed passionately on him, watching him as he watched her. He drew her closer pressing his mouth to her breast, licking and biting and when she moaned her pleasure, he pressed more of her into his mouth.

She soon tightened around him and he gasped feeling the force and flood of her climax and joined her with almost violent spasms of his own.

Afterward he rolled her to his side and held her tightly as they both panted for air.

"I love you." he whispered as he nuzzled his face into her hair.

"Mmm I love you." she answered. …and I'm starving." she chuckled.

XXX

"So you think he's in there?" Dean asked Sam, looking across the street the to the bookstore.

"There's only one way to find out." the younger brother responded.

"Well then hurry up." Dean said with an expectant look.

"Me? You want me to go inside and look for him?" Sam asked incredulously.

"It's a book store and you're a geek." Dean shrugged.

Sam sighed and got out of the car, giving his brother a sigh and disgusted look. Dean watched Sam walk across the street and climb the few stairs to the door, before turning around and coming back towards him.

"Sign on the door says it place is closed… 'On Vacation.' to be exact." Sam told him leaning into the drivers side window.

Dean shook his head, "Does it say how long?"

"A week."

Dean grimaced and sighed. "Do you think he would have taken her… them somewhere… I mean after what he did to her family…"

Sam shrugged. "From what Bobby found out, I don't think she was the problem… Sounded more like the father and the Ex… had it coming."

"Bobby said she went to a lot of trouble to make sure she would be hard to find… Maybe they found her." the older brother added.

"You think maybe Cass is hiding her and the boy?"

"I think Cass is in way over his head with this woman." Dean said opening the car door.

"Where you going… no one is there?" Sam asked.

"We're here… might as well have a look around."

XXX

Olivia hung up the phone with a smile. "10 minutes." she told the angel who was pulling on his t-shirt.

"Good I won't be long… stay in bed, I'm not finished with you yet." he mischievously growled into her ear, just before kissing her good-bye.

"Hurry I'm starving." she replied biting his chin.

Castiel left the bedroom and Olivia stretched out under the comforter and closed her eyes, a smile played across her lips as the scent of Castiel's pillow crept into her nose combined with the heavy aroma of sex that still hung in the air consumed her for a moment and she was almost sorry she sent him away.

Olivia's eyes popped open. Money… she forgot to give him cash to pay for lunch.

XXX

Dean raised his hands to his face to shield his eyes from the glare and peered in the font windows of the book store. "Empty." he said.

"Ummm… yeah. I'm pretty sure we already knew that." Sam sighed. "Now can we get out of here?" he complained as he looked around nervously.

"In a minute." Dean said, his face still pressed against the glass. "Looks like there is a door in the back wonder where it goes?" Dean observed.

"Oh I don't know maybe an alternate universe?" Sam quipped.

Dean looked at his brother questioningly, "You think?"

"Ummm NO.. it probably goes to a store room… It is a STORE after all." Sam grumbled raising his hand and pointing out the obvious.

Dean turned around and hopped down the stairs. "We should check it out." he informed his brother.

Sam sighed and rolled his eyes. "Later when it is dark."

"We're here now it will only take a minute."

"Dean this is a small town and it is broad daylight. Someone is gonna see us."

"So we tell them we're looking for a friend."

Sam sighed and followed his brother through the alley that led to the back of the store.

XXX

Castiel had just reached the bottom of the stairs and opened the door the shop when he heard Olivia calling him. He turned to see her running down the stairs dressed in only a t-shirt and panties with a few bills waving in her hand.

"Slow down." he told her, "You're going to fall."

"I'm okay." she grinned at him. "You'll needed this." she handed him the money.

He rolled his eyes and nodded, taking the money from her and then scooping her into his arms, lifting her off of the ground, kissing her deep and tenderly.

"hmmm… What was that for?" Olivia asked as he pulled away

"Because I too am starving…" he whispered, "…for you… Now get back in bed." he ordered.

"Yes Sir." she answered with a giggle against is eager lips.

XXX

Dean ducked away from the window just in time. He was looking into the back window that showed Olivia's office when he saw the door swing open and Castiel come out into the office area. followed by a brunette… a half dressed brunette at that.

"Whoa dude." Dean exclaimed to Sam who was standing on the ground of the rear parking lot.

"What?"

"Our little Castiel is growing up." Dean said with a grin.


	18. Chapter 16

Finally I am getting back to a normal schedule this one is short mostly winchester antics and should get everyone up to speed the next one will be more interesting.

Feed back and enjoy

xox

EP

Chapter 16

Uninvited

"Move your ass Sammy." Dean said jumping off of the small landing he was standing on to see into Olivia's office.

"What? Where you going now?" the younger Winchester questioned.

"Outta the way." Dean replied moving swiftly through the alley towards the impala. "I don't want him to see us here just yet."

"Ya know I don't get it. You wanna find Cass, so we drive all this way and now you don't want to see him? Sometimes you make no sense." Sam huffed, his irritation obvious.

They got in the car and Dean drove it down a block before turning around and parking behind a moving van.

"He shouldn't spot us here."

Sam sighed.

"Look I'm gonna talk to him… I just wanna get a feel for what's going on first." Dean defended against the annoyed look his brother was sending him.

"What's going on is Cass has a friend that isn't YOU! And you're jealous." Sam complained.

"Not true…. He's just been so fucking strange lately. I just want to figure out what he's up to." Dean explained. "… And besides this girl is way more than a friend. You didn't see what I did."

Sam chucked and shook his head. "So he's found a girl he likes… big deal."

"You kidding me? This is Cass.. You remember little geeky dude, bad wardrobe, no sense of humor, he wouldn't know what to do with a woman if you gave him a manual?" Dean elaborated.

"So?"

"SO! So he had this chick wrapped around him… Hell he had is tongue so far down her throat he could have painted her toe nails with it!"

"Okay.. First Ewwww." Sam said screwing up his face. "But still the guy is entitled to a little.. I dunno fun, love, affection.. Hell just companionship Dean."

"I agree." Dean said

"So what's the big deal then?"

"Why is he lying to us about her?" Dean questioned.

"I don't know that he is-" Sam was cut off.

"Shs shh.. Here he is."

Dean watched Castiel leave through the front door of he book store and walk across the street the to small sandwich shop, waving to an older man on the corner as he did.

"See that guy knows him… he must be here all the time." Dean said

"So what?"

"So this must be where he is all the time while he leaves us holding the bag on the horseman." Dean grumbled

"Dean he's not leaving us holding the bag with anything… sure he's not around much but, do I have to remind you he just got the shit beat outta himself a few weeks ago protecting you!" Sam said.

"Yeah, yeah I know… I just… I dunno… thought he was depressed or I dunno bummed out over his daddy issues. I wasn't expecting to find out he was in Missouri playing house all this time." Dean explained.

Dean stretched his neck as Castiel left the sandwich shop and went across the street, returning to the book store.

"She must live upstairs." Dean deduced.

"So let's go knock on the door then." Sam said.

XXX

Olivia snuggled herself closer to Castiel's chest and sighed, satisfied. "I love you." she breathed out against is skin, and closed her eyes listening to his heart.

Castiel let out a small laugh and twisted his fingers through her dark hair, still trying to catch his breath from the last round of love making. "You are exhausting… even for me." he said amused.

After Castiel had returned with lunch, he had made good on his promise the stay in bed the rest of the day and Olivia was doing her best to make sure he didn't become bored.

"Oh… tired of me already?" she teased.

"Never." he laughed, lifting her face to his and kissing her. She smiled up at him and rolled to her back, resting her head in the crook of his arm as he brought an arm around her to hold her against him. He looked down at her and smiled slightly noticing how heavy her eyes were. "Looks like you're worn out too." he said with a soft laugh, and she nodded lazily at him.

XXX

Sam and Dean met back at the impala an hour later to compare notes. Dean didn't want to have a face to face with Castiel until he had a better idea what was going on so he decided to visit some of the local business and ask some questions.

"So you find out anything?" Dean questioned as Sam got back in the car.

"Nothing we didn't already know." Sam sighed, "You?"

"A little." Dean said. "She came here 11 or 12 years ago, and bought the place, been here ever since. Old man on the corner says she's quiet, keeps to herself mostly but, few weeks back she some sort of surgery and it went bad."

"Bad?" Sam questioned.

Dean nodded, "She was in a coma for 2 weeks. She's okay now though but, He says she has a boyfriend who's been staying with her, says he hasn't left her side since she came home."

Sam nodded. "Makes sense, would explain why his mood got worse instead of better too."

"Yeah but not why he kept her a secret."

"Dean did it ever occur to you he was just protecting her. I mean there is nothing here to lead me to believe she has anything to do with angels or demons or anything else for that matter… Maybe he just wanted to keep her out of it."

Dean nodded and grunted almost disappointed that there was no big conspiracy to be found. "Guess it's time to ask him some questions." Dean said starting the car and driving a block to park in front of the book store.

XXX

Olivia was asleep, her back pressed flush against the angel, while his arms encircled her. His face was pressed into her hair and his own eyes were closed, he too was relaxed losing himself in the sound her soft breathing and the warmth of her flesh against him. The loud buzzing was unexpected and jarred him back to reality.

He lifted his head and looked at the clock by the bedside. It was too early to be Danny home from school and he had a key anyway, he wouldn't ring the buzzer. He closed his eyes again choosing to ignore it, but it sounded again, then again. He sighed who ever it was, they were persistent and they were going to wake Oliva if they didn't stop.

He reluctantly pulled his body away from hers and stood, putting on his jeans and grabbing his t-shirt from the foot of the bed.

XXX

Dean once again pressed his face to the glass peering into the bookstore his finger on the buzzer relentless.

"C'mom Cass… answer the door" he mumbled under his breath.

"Dean give them a minute to get down here." Sam said yanking his brothers finger off the button.

Dean turned his head just long enough to glare at his brother and when he looked back inside the store, he could see Castiel approaching the door as he worked a t-shirt over his head. A moment later the door opened and the angel looked out glaring at Dean.

"What the hell are you doing here Dean?" he growled.


	19. Chapter 17

Castiel and the Boys talk and odds and ends. Next chap they will finally get to meet O and Danny. fun fun fun.

Enjoy and FEEDBACK

xox

EP

**Chapter 17**

**Boys Will Be Boys**.

Dean took a good look at the angel as he stood on the other side of the doorway scowling, and he found himself rather amazed at just how different he seemed from the angel he had come to know. Castiel was tugging a faded gray t-shirt down over his midsection, that was the first thing Dean noticed, the clothes. The usual hideous suit was gone, replaced by faded blue jeans, which hung low on his hips and the faded T. Even more interesting, if not amusing to Dean, was his general appearance. He was obviously a man who had just recently stole away from his lovers arms and by his expression, Dean would guess, quite reluctantly. He was barefoot and his hair was more than just disheveled, or at least more disheveled than usual, still damp with sweat, tufts spiking up here and there, Dean recognized it as the work of lustful fingers. Then there were the fading pink welts on his neck, they too were made very recently by skilful lips. If that weren't enough to stun the hunter, he could add to the list, the light scent of perfume and yes, sex that hung around the barefoot angel. Dean knew both the look and the smell very well and for a moment he almost felt sorry for the intrusion…. Almost.

Castiel Glared at Dean as the stepped out of the book store onto the small stoop closing the door behind him. "I'm waiting on an explanation Dean." the angel said. "What are you doing here?"

If the angel's angry glare was not enough, Castiel made it obvious by his tone that he was not exactly happy to see that Dean had found him. "We were in the neighborhood." Dean said with a shrug trying to sound light hearted.

Castiel merely narrowed his eyes further into tiny slits as he stared down the elder Winchester, and tightened his lips into an irritated grimace. He turned his attention to Sam who had at least had the good judgment to look sheepish.

"Look Cass, we saw the news reports of what happened in New Hampshire, with a little help from Bobby we put two and two together." Sam explained apologetic.

"News reports?" Castiel tilted his head, "What news reports?" He wasn't aware his and Gabriel's actions had made the news and he turned to look behind him through the glass door, as if to make sure they were alone.

"The two men who were attacked in New Hampshire… Attacked by angels." Dean reminded. "C'mon Cass you aren't going to tell me you had nothing to do with that."

"I wasn't aware it was in the papers… And to answer your question… No.. I don't intend to tell you anything. It is a private matter."

Sam nodded, "We should go." he said to Dean.

"No, dammit I'm not going anywhere." Dean complained. "Cass you vanish and only show up when we call you or something shitty is about to go down and you need us. Even then… when you do come around, you're a real prick these days, you're either drunk off your ass or acting like the fucking angel of doom, then poof you're gone again." Dean elaborated.

Castiel sighed and looked away.

"Dean come on." Sam said, "We shouldn't have come."

Dean's anger reared up, "You know, I figured… I dunno… You were alone, working out your personal family shit… And that's cool, I mean hell, I am an expert on family bullshit. But… I didn't think you were hiding out, playing house, and having some happily ever after thing with some girl."

"It's not like that." Castiel told him.

"Oh really Cass? What's it like then. You bail on the horsemen and just about everything else that's comes up… for what? Some chick." Dean argued.

"I was needed here."

"The world is coming to a fucking end… I think that deserves a little attention too." Dean said.

"I was there when it was necessary."

"Dean he's right." Sam defended the angel.

"No he isn't, He can't just turn his back on what's happening."

"I have done no such thing." Castiel snapped. " It is more important to me than ever that we stop this world from ending."

"Well you sure don't act like it."

"As I have said Dean, you are not the only humans I have come to know."

"Who is she Cass?" Sam broke in to the argument with a softer tone and genuine curiosity and concern. "I mean I know what you've told us but, it's sort of obvious she is more than just a friend."

Castiel closed his eyes and let out a sigh before looking at the brothers. "She is someone I care about very deeply." he replied.

XXX

Olivia was on her tip toes in the kitchen stretching to reach the dishes on the shelf when she heard Castiel's footsteps on the stairs.

"Danny" She called to the 11 year old who was lying on the floor doing his homework, "Open the door for Castiel." The boy went to the door and found the angel with his arms full of bags. He took a few from him to lighten his load and then they both Carried the bags to the dining table.

Olivia came out of the kitchen balancing the plates between her good hand and cast, Castiel took the dishes from her. "You shouldn't be doing this." he said with a teasing growl and kissed her lightly on the lips. "Now go sit."

"I can set the table." she protested. "I can't let you do everything tonight. Your friends are gonna think I keep you around just for the maid service." she laughed.

"Sit…" he said firmly, then lent to kiss her and whispered " they already know you keep me for the sex." in her ear.

"You're awful bad for an angel." she said looking at him wide eyed.

He chuckled, "SIT!" he said again sternly, pointing to the sofa.

Olivia rolled her eyes at him and sighed. "Fine… but if I die of boredom it's your fault."

"I'll make sure that doesn't happen." he said and winked in her direction.

Castiel had given in agreed to introduce the Winchesters to Olivia. He still had concerns about bringing the primary players of the apocalypse so close to her home, but Dean's insistence and curiosity left him no choice. He sent the Winchesters in the direction of the local motel with instructions to come back at 7 o'clock for dinner. Then he returned to Olivia's bed where he watched her sleep while he tried to figure out the best way to tell her about the Winchesters. He had no reason for concern. Olivia seemed excited to finally meet his mysterious friends and not the least bit concerned about any repercussions. He was relieved she was happy and not angry about the intrusion but, the worry of drawing attention to her and Danny still weighed heavily on him.

Olivia watched from the sofa as Castiel and Danny set the table and pulled the cartons of Chinese food from the bags. Danny rattled on and on about school and a new video game he wanted, then onto some new movie coming out. Olivia was bemused at how the angel, who had even less idea what the boy was talking about than she did, kept up with the conversation. Danny, of course, had no idea that Castiel was an angel but, she felt his knowing would only cause the boy to like him more than he already did. She was lucky, most boys his age would have fought a any man who entered their mother's life tooth and nail. Danny never put up any resistance at all. As a matter of fact, he was the angel's biggest cheerleader. He had accepted Castiel from the very beginning when he would just come to the shop once a week to chat. Later, after Olivia's ordeal in he hospital, he told his mother in great detail, how Castiel stayed with her and took care of her while she was in the coma.

Olivia was started from her thoughts by the doorbell. "I'll go down and let them in." she said standing.

"Sit." Castiel told her. She sighed and sat back on the sofa.

"Can I go?" Danny asked them both.

"Yes." Castiel nodded at him, and the boy ran to the door and down the stairs. Castiel watched him go then looked to Olivia.

"Thank you for this." he said softly and she stood and crossed the room to wrap her arms around the angels neck, he retuned the gesture place his arms around her waist and pulling her close.

"You don't have to thank me. I want to meet them too." she smiled up at him.

"I hope you still feel that way after you meet Dean." he said nervous.

Olivia chucked at him. "Don't think he is gonna like me much huh?" she questioned.

"Under any other circumstances I think he would like you very much." He said with a small laugh threading a finger through her long dark hair.

"But…" she said expectantly.

"No buts… He is just very focused on the business at hand and sees you and just about everything else as an obstacle right now."

She nodded. "Well I will be on my best behavior." she said just as the door swung open and Danny entered with the two strange men.


	20. Chapter 18

Okay this one is rated A for ANGST I know some of you are gonna rip on me for the way i portray Dean here. But i did put some thought into this. I feel his actions here no matter how shitty are within his character given just how selfish and stupid he was acting as the Big A approached. I know some will not agree and I promise I am not bashing the poor boy and in the end... well he be redeemed and make this right. for now get out your tissues (this means you Jess. lo) and enjoy the angst (Isa yes you... buckle up i am evil this week lol)

FEEDBACK FEEDBACK FEEDBACK!

xox

EP and remember I love you all even if you do think i am a big fat meanie after this chap... eh.. blame the muse. he can take it!

**Chapter 18**

**Do You Wanna Know a Secret?**

Sam watched in horror as Dean sat at Olivia's dinner table stuffing an egg roll down his gullet, whole, before washing it down with the last of his beer. He crinkled his brow and a look, that could best be described as astonishment crossed with disgust, washed over the younger hunters face as he watched his brother cram yet another entire egg roll in his mouth.

"What?" Dean questioned as he struggled to swallow down the second mouth full.

"Ummm, nothing.' Sam said rolling his eyes at him and looking in the direction of the kitchen where Castiel and Olivia had disappeared to just moments before.

"It was good." Dean defended knowing what his brother was getting at.

"All the more reason the chew…. You should try it sometime." Sam said shaking his head at his brother.

"I chew." He argued back.

"Yeah.. Whatever." Sam said tiring of the conversation. "So?" he questioned more seriously. "What about Olivia and Danny?"

"What about em?" Dean shrugged.

"What do you think of them." Sam elaborated impatient.

Sam's curiosity about the woman and boy had been growing since their earlier conversation with Castiel. He found himself intrigued by the angels friendship with and obvious affection for Olivia. He wasn't even sure why it interested him but, it did. He supposed it was because it was a side of Castiel he had never seen… hell never knew existed. The idea that the angel had gone off and developed a close personal relationship outside of the job at hand didn't even seem possible with the all work and no play version of the angel he had come to know, yet here he was having dinner with a nearly human Castiel.

"She's kinda cute… Danny seems like a good kid. What's to think about?" Dean answered Sam's question shaking him from his thoughts.

Sam nodded and took a sip from his beer. "It's just strange… interesting, I guess… seeing him this way." he said.

Dean looked at his brother incredulously. "Not more than a few hours ago you chewed me a new one for saying that same thing."

Sam screwed up his face and shook his head, "Dean you were acting like some jealous girlfriend… that's what got your ass chewed."

"Oh and this is different?"

"Shhh. They're gonna hear," Sam reminded nodding in the direction of the kitchen. "… And yeah this is different… I'm just saying it is interesting to see this side of Cass. They way he is with her… he smiles… he laughs… hell he's practically human with her."

"Yeah." Dean rolled his eyes. "I'm pretty sure that's the problem." He said with a frustrated sigh and leaned back in his chair.

Sam crinkled his brow and shook his head, "I wouldn't call it a problem Dean. I like her and the kid. I just wonder how he plans to fit them into the long term picture."

"Like I said PROBLEM… Look this is the is the apocalypse, and he isn't human. He's an angel and if he doesn't start acting like one soon… there isn't going to be a long term picture for him and Olivia or anyone else."

Sam sighed at his brother. " I think he knows his place in all of this Dean. I just think he is trying to have a little bit of normal… just like you and me."

"Yeah well he can have all the normal he wants when Luci is back in his box… right now if I have my way… when we pull outta here… he is gonna be in the backseat."

Sam narrowed his eyes at his brother. "Just what are you up to?"

"Nothing." Dean shook his head. "He just needs to remember what's important."

"I think he knows… and because of her I think I matters to him more than ever." Sam said glaring at his older brother, "Just don't you do anything stupid."

"Pfft.. " Dean said and shook his head.

XXX

A few hours later Castiel and Olivia sat in her living room with the Winchesters. Castiel had made the ground rules very clear when he invited them to dinner. No 'angel talk' in front of Danny and no talk of the Apocalypse AT ALL. He didn't want Olivia involved or concerned. He would see to it she had all the information she needed if and when the time came, and he hoped it never would.

Sam and Dean both agreed at the time, but now that Danny was in bed, Dean was feeling the effects of the many beers he had drunk. Unfortunately as a result he felt like pushing limits of Castiel's temper.

"So Castiel just walked in to the shop one day." Dean repeated the story Olivia had told him over dinner when Sam asked how she and the angel met.

"Yeah he came in a couple times… the second time I convinced him to sit and talk." she smiled at Castiel who was sitting beside her on the sofa as she retold the story.

"…And you just kept coming back after that." Dean pressed.

Castiel nodded looking at him suspiciously, his questions seemed innocent enough to Olivia but he knew the man better than that. He was up to something the angel just didn't know what yet. "Yes… Usually once a week sometimes more if we had a date." he said with a small smile looking at Olivia.

"A date? Just how long has this been going on?" the elder Winchester questioned further.

"Dean that really isn't any of our business." Sam told him becoming suspicious as of his brother as well.

"No.. it's okay." Olivia said. "He first came in around 2 years ago maybe a little more." she told them. "It was a few weeks later I guess we went to an art exhibit. After that we went to a few concerts and movies, a street fair. Just small things and very platonic at the time. It wasn't until…" she got quiet. "Until he came to say goodbye that things changed." she said thoughtful.

"Goodbye?" Sam repeated.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded, "He was gone 3 weeks" She said. "…But he came back." she smiled up at him again.

"Well sounds like the two of you have found lots of time to get to know each other." Dean said looking at the angel's suspicious eyes.

"I've often had a great deal of time to kill while waiting on the two of you." Castiel told him.

"Yeah I guess you did." Dean told him irritated. "Is that how you fit in that trip to New Hampshire?"

Castiel's heart sank. Olivia had no idea of what had gone on in New Hampshire and he wanted to keep it that way.

"No Dean that was business." He told the hunter with a warning look.

"When were you there?" Olivia asked.

"A few times." Castiel told her trying to sound nonchalant.

"From what I read in the paper he was there just last week." Dean went on.

Castiel glared at Dean.

Sam looked at him disgusted.

Olivia looked at Castiel confused. "Last week? In the papers? You didn't tell me that's where you went. Why was it in the papers?" she asked looking around the room.

Sam nudged his brother and shot him and angry glance.

Before Castiel could respond Dean spoke up again. "Yeah a little town… ummm Atkinson wasn't it Cass?" He said. "I don't know what he was up to but, it sounded like a couple angels were seeking a little retribution."

"Dean I believe it is time we talk… Privately." Castiel broke in, rising from his spot on the sofa and putting an end to the face-off the hunter seemed determined to have with him.

"Castiel what is he talking about?" Olivia questioned.

"I'll explain as soon as I am finished talking to the boys." he soothed her. "Don't worry."

She nodded and looked at him confused.

XXX

"I hope you're happy." Sam snapped at Dean as they walked to the car.

"Actually I am." he said glaring at his brother.

"What the hell got into you? I mean do you really think that stunt is gonna make Cass want to work with you… hell with either one of us?"

"He has to work with us. It's not like he has a choice and yeah… Once he gets back inside and has to explain this to her… She is gonna chew his ass right off. He'll be happy to hunt the devil just to get away from it."

"You can be a real asshole sometimes." Sam told him as he took the car keys from him and hopped in the drivers seat.

"Hey." Dean argued.

"You are drunk and stupid, there is no way you're driving tonight. Now get in before I leave your sorry ass here."

XXX

Castiel locked the bookstore door behind him then walked to Olivia's office and sat at her desk. He was furious with Dean and their conversation in the parking lot did nothing to improve his mood. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes taking in the feel of the room around him. The fabric of the chair smelled of Olivia's perfume and the office itself somehow felt like her. He wasn't ready to go upstairs and face her. She would have questions, many, many questions.

"Dammit Dean." he muttered just under his breath as he stood and walked to the door that lead to the apartment. Whether or not he wanted to, it was time to talk to Olivia about his visit to her hometown.

XXX

Olivia sat in front of her computer monitor stunned. The moment Castiel left the apartment with the Winchester she went to her computer and began to search her hometown news paper. It didn't take her long to find the article that Dean had mentioned.

Two local men had been attacked in their homes. The men named in the article were her father and her ex husband. Both claimed that their attackers were angels and they were under psychiatric care because could not be convinced otherwise. Doctors were calling it a mass hallucination. Both of her ex-husband's arms had been broken in several places, while her father had simply been knocked around a bit, he was found in his drive way next to his truck which had been destroyed.

"What did you do Castiel?" She whispered to herself as she read. "… And why?" she hissed out as tears fell from her eyes onto her desk. She heard the door open and she took a deep breath. She would have to face the angel and try to understand, but at the moment he felt like a complete stranger to her.

Castiel walked towards her desk. He didn't have to look at the screen to see what she was reading, anymore than she had to turn around for him to know she had been crying.

"I can explain." he said softly, approaching her.

She stood and turned to look at him. "Please don't." she said.

He closed his eyes. "Please it isn't how it seems."

"Yes Castiel it is… It is exactly how it seems." she said trying to sound strong.

"I love you Olivia.. I would do anything…" he said stepping towards her.

"No." she cut him off and shook her head , then took a step back, away from him. "Please Castiel. Don't… just don't."

"Olivia… If you give me the chance to explain… I admit It seems harsh… but.." he was cut off again.

"Harsh? Harsh Castiel… Have you not seen the scars on my body… did you somehow miss the last few weeks of my life. The surgery, the coma, the reasons for all of it?"

"Of course." he said "You've told me everything…" she cut him off again.

"And you really thought that beating the two of them is what I would want? What is this some sort of an eye for an eye biblical bullshit?" She was crying and yelling at him now.

He furrowed his brow. "No… not exactly." he said. "Please Olivia, we can talk about this when you are calm."

"No we can't." she said softly through tears. "I don't think I want to know…"

He nodded and took another step towards her. She again backed away.

"I'm sorry Castiel… but I don't think I know you… I don't think I ever did. Please just go…" she said turning and disappearing into her bedroom.


	21. Chapter 19

More angst. Everyone here is being quiet again and i have no idea what that means i can only assume.

I will finish this story but I have to say unless i get some feed back it will be going on the back burner and I will update now and then.. once a month maybe.

Personally this is probably my favorite story to write at the moment but. I get much more feedback on the other ones. Honeslty i get almost as much feed back on a story i completed a few months ago as i do this one. And it hasnt been updated in 3 months!

Up to you guys if I am to keep going at this pace let me know.

xox

EP

Chapter 19

Be Careful What You Wish For.

The sun was just coming up as the alarm clock that Sam had placed on the bed, very near Dean Winchesters head, began its unyielding and ruthless assault of high pitched beeps.

"Nrrgnt" he grunted in pain trying to cover both of his ears and locate the clock and then its off button. He was wasn't very successful at either task.

"Rise and shine Big Boy." Sam said loudly leaning down into his brothers face.

"Oh fuck Sammy shut up." He groaned into his pillow. "Do me a favor and turn that off." Dean said pointing in the direction of the alarm clock.

"Irritating isn't it." the younger brother chuckled loudly over the annoying siren like beeps.

"Ha Ha.." Dean responded, "You've made your point now shut it off."

Sam sighed and did as he asked.

"Seriously Dean we need to get moving, Bobby called we have a lead on Lucifer."

"…And you just couldn't just shake me awake to tell me we got a date with the devil?"

Sam looked down on his brother with a small smile. "Nah.. This was way more fun… and after last night… not even close to what you deserve."

Dean sighed and tried opening his eyes only to squint them shut and quickly raise his forearm to cover them. "Fuck Sammy turn some damn lights off."

"Ummm nope.. Sorry. Get your ass up we gotta move." he quipped.

Dean again opened his eyes slower this time. Once he was able to focus he sat up only to be met with a pounding in his brain. "Oh shit." he breathed out. "Get the aspirin outta my bag will ya Sam."

"Head hurts huh?" Sam asked innocently.

Dean shot his brother an irritated glance. "What the fuck is your problem anyway?"

"You… the way you behaved. What you did to Cass. That was shitty Dean." Sam narrowed his eyes and shook his head at his brother.

"Well he isn't here so it didn't work. So no harm done." He defended.

"That doesn't make it okay." Sam told him.

"Fine I'll apologize to them later.

The words no sooner left the elder Winchester's lips when the motel room door opened with a bang as it swung back forcefully hitting the wall behind it and Castiel hit the floor a rumpled an unkempt mess in front of the opening. The Winchesters looked down to see the angel, with liquor bottle still in hand splayed on the old and stained deep gold and bright orange shag carpeting. He was dressed in the same T-shirt and jeans he had worn the night before, except now a denim jacket had been added to his ensemble.

"Cass?" Sam questioned as he quickly rushed to the angel's side bending to help him up off of the floor.

The angel brushed off his help by waving one hand in the air as he struggled to lift himself and his partially drank bottle of tequila up off of the floor by himself.

"I'm fine… I can do it." he slurred, "Sorry… bout the door." he said, reaching to slam it shut with equal force. "Guess I don't know my own strength." he blurted out unevenly and hic-upped a little. Finding his way to his feet and then turning and flopping on the chair that sat next to the table near the door.

"Yeah… no problem…" Dean said looking at the angel who had obviously returned to drinking.

"Hey how bout I get you some coffee." Sam offered as he attempted to slip the tequila bottle out of the angel's hands.

"No… I'm covered." he said holding up the bottle.

"Yeah I see that." Sam said.

"Yeah Cass why don't you let me see that." Dean said trying to get the bottle away.

Castiel jerked the half full bottle back and tried to narrow his unfocused and blood shot eyes on the hunter. "I don't believe I am still speaking to you Dean Winchester…" he spat out. "As a matter of fact I have a mind to…-" the angel was cut off by the rather long and loud belch that escaped his lips.

"Okaaaay…" Sam said looking at his brother and then the angel. "How bout we get some breakfast in you."

"I'm an angel… I don't eat." Castiel informed in the best matter of fact tone he could muster given his current state.

"Angels don't drink either." Dean pointed out.

"That's a very good point.." the angel answered with a nod as he brought the bottle to his lips. "We don't fall in love either." he pointed out and then slammed the almost empty bottle on the table. nearly shattering it. "Which is probably a good rule because it negates getting thrown out by the women we love." Castiel rambled on.

"How bout a little sleep then?" Sam said giving Dean a worried look then standing, hoping to get the angel to lie down and sleep it off.

"We don't sleep either." he said, "That's why I spent the night in the store room of Big Billy's Bar and Grill."

"Something tells me you ran up one hell of a tab with Big Billy." Dean said.

Castiel glared at Dean then stood up, surprisingly more steady than either Winchester thought possible. He dropped his head and looked down on Dean. His once glazed over blue eyes seemed more focused or at least less bewildered, instead anger now burnt in them. "You did this." he snarled at the man on the bed before him.

"Cass. Look I'm sorry… I was drunk and acted like an ass. I admit it…" Dean said holding up his hands as if to surrender and nodding his head to show full culpability for his actions. " I had my own shit to work out and I should have kept my big mouth shut last night. I'll talk to Olivia. I will… I promise… I'll make this okay. I acted like a jerk." Dean apologized.

Sam shrugged and nodded his head to the side. "More like a little bitch but.. Close enough" he agreed.

Dean glared at Sam and then looked back to Castiel.

Castiel turned his face away from him, but then quickly turned it back. "It's too late… she made me leave. It's done."

"Cass, Olivia will understand if we all talk to her." Sam tried to reassure him.

"No…" the angel set down the bottle and looked around the hotel room almost as if he were lost. "She won't. She looked at me as if I were a monster. As if I were one of them."

"Who?" Dean asked. "One of who?" he repeated.

"You don't even know." Castiel said to him astonished shaking his head. "You don't even know why I was in Atkinson… You don't even know what they did to her." he hissed.

Dean shook his head confused. "Bobby said they sent a private investigator. That her Ex's family wanted to see the kid. I figured you wanted them to leave her alone."

Castiel rolled his eyes at him. "You have no idea what you have done." he growled.

XXX

The scream forced it's way out of Olivia's throat waking her. Her eyes opened in the darkened room and darted in all directions while her fingers knotted in around the bed sheets. She laid there a good 10 minutes staring at the slits of dim light coming through the closed blinds, trying to convince herself it was over. While the images were real and so was the pain, it was over a long time ago. A very long time ago. She focused on slowing her heart rate and breathing while the sweat rolled from her skin and uncontrollable tears soaked her pillow.

A moment later her bedroom door opened. "Mom?" Danny's voice questioned from the doorway. "Mom?" he said again entering the room and crawling on the bed next to her. "Do you want me to call him?" the boy asked his voice almost pleading her to say yes.

"No… I'm okay." she did her best to smile at the boy, but her face only contorted in to something more painful, it was impossible to smile through the fear that gripped her.

"Mom please.. Whatever happened he'll come… He'll make them stop." Danny told her.

"They'll stop on their own."

Danny lay down beside his mother and wrapped his arms around her. After a few moments he said, "I'll get you a wash cloth." He hugged her and then went into her bathroom and ran cold water onto a peach cloth then returned to her bed and laid it over her eyes.

"Thank you." she whispered drawing him closer and kissing his forehead. "I'm sorry you have to see all of this Danny. I promise it will stop soon."

"I love you." he said.

"I know" she responded with a small smile, "I love you too."

"Cas still loves you too, you know." he said, knowing he was pushing his luck, but also knowing he was right.

"Danny have you called him." Olivia asked her voice becoming stern.

"No.. No I promise I didn't." he said. "But I know he does, and you've had four nightmares this week. He knows how to make them better mom." the boy pleaded.

"Danny please we have been over this… He just wasn't what I needed. We needed." she said, pulling the wet cloth from her face and looking at the boy, this time it was her eyes pleading with him to understand.

He nodded reluctantly. "Do you want some tea?" He asked.

"Nah." she said. "Not this time. Go get ready for school, it's your last day. I'll drive you."

"You don't have to. Brian and me are taking our bikes." he said.

"Okay." she smiled and nodded. "Go get ready."

Danny went back to his room and closed the door. He looked around at his bed and desk and gadgets and toys. Seemed strange, it all felt so different now he thought to himself. It had been a week since he woke up to find that Castiel had gone. At first he thought he was just away on business like always but, his mother explained it was different and he wasn't coming back this time.

That just didn't sit well with Danny He liked Castiel and he knew Castiel loved his mother, he knew he would never just leave. He also knew his mother loved Castiel just as much… no matter what she said. He loved his mother too, but she never told him much. At least not about things that she didn't like to talk about. Still he understood her life hadn't always been easy or even nice. He was smart enough to understand she often made decisions based on the way she didn't want to feel rather than how she actually felt. She was afraid sometimes, he knew that. He grew up seeing the scars on her back and other places and of course the nightmares left an impression. She had explained to him, that her own father had caused the scars and yes, even the dreams, because he just wasn't a nice person. He also knew his own father wasn't exactly a great guy all of the time, okay most of the time either. He accepted all of that, mostly because he thought his mom was pretty amazing. She wasn't like most of the other mom's he had met. She was fun and always had time for whatever he wanted to do. She almost never yelled at him and in return he rarely gave her reason to. She was a good mom and he tried his best to be a good kid. That is probably why he felt so guilty when he pulled the crumpled up piece of paper out of his night stand drawer.

XXX

Castiel had spent the last week on the road with Sam and Dean. He hadn't heard anything from Olivia and he resisted his urges to contact her. Dean truly did seem sorry for his actions and Castiel's anger with him lessened although he wouldn't say he forgave him. It wasn't lost on Castiel that no matter how sorry Dean said he was, in the end, he got exactly the results he wanted. Castiel now devoted his full attention to hunting Lucifer and stopping the end of the world. Except now he did it out of obligation rather than desire.

This morning Castiel found himself standing outside some truck stop located just off of a Northern Virginia highway. He was hiding around the corner waiting on a demon the Winchesters had been sent there to meet. The plan, he was going to surprise him and teleport him back to the motel room that Sam and Bobby had prepared with salt and devil traps. Dean was somewhere nearby to act as back up, as if the angel needed it.

It was early in the morning and already scorching hot and Castiel was having trouble staying focused. The heat normally didn't bother him, but his new drinking habit seemed to leave him vulnerable to a number of things he didn't notice before. He wore jeans and a t-shirt leaving his suit and trench behind in Arcadia. He liked the change so much in he and Dean had shopped for a few more changes of clothes. Actually Dean had done his best to take advantage of the angel's new found appreciation for what it was to be human. He had to admit he liked some of the new ideas. Action movies and music mostly. However he still wasn't interested any of the women the hunter insisted on pushing his way. He loved Olivia, even if he couldn't have her, he had no desire to replace her either. She was on his mind constantly and as distracting as it was he clung to each and every memory.

His head began pounding slightly. The result of the combination of too much heat and the remnants of last nights binge, he was wishing he had brought a bottle of pain relievers when his cell rang. Reaching into his pocket he pulled it out. The number on the screen caused heart to jump in his chest.

"Olivia" he whispered.

XXX


	22. Chapter 20

Okay we will keep going. So Dean understands just how much of a dick he as been. Danny calls for back up and Olivia gets a surprise visit from a forgotten friend. Enjoy and FEEDBACK! pretty please.

xox

EP

Chapter 20

The Rest of the Story

Castiel stood leaning against the back side of the white and red brick building trying to stay out of the view of anyone who might come into the parking lot. His cell was still ringing and he was holding it in his hand, staring down at the photo of Olivia that flashed each time it rang. It was one he had taken himself, another 'human' notion she had inspired in him. He wanted to answer, but he didn't want to take his eyes off of the parking lot and put the others in danger, he didn't want to ignore the call and take the chance he wouldn't get an answer when he called back. His heart won the battle and he pressed the phone to his ear.

"Olivia?" he said.

"Umm no it's me… it's Danny.

"Danny." the angel responded almost as happy to hear the boys voice as he would have been to hear his mothers, but then concern rose inside as the angel wondered why he called. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah… I'm okay. It's mom." the boy told him.

"What's happened?" He asked worried.

"I don't know." Danny said frustrated "But I know she isn't okay."

Castiel's brow furrowed with worry. "Danny what do you mean, what is happening?"

"She is having nightmares again, 4 so far since… since you went away." he told him, "… and she should have opened the store yesterday… but she didn't and I don't think she is going to today either. I don't know what's wrong but…"

"Hey it's okay." Castiel did his best to reassure the boy. "Where are you?"

"Home getting ready for school. Mom doesn't know I am calling you. She's still in bed… I'm not even sure if she will get up today."

Castiel focused his eyes on the parking lot. A group of men exited the truck stop dinner and he was trying to determine which one if any was his mark. He was torn, Danny was worried and from what he told the angel he had reason. Olivia didn't seem to be doing well in his absence.

"Can you meet me at the playground after school today." Castiel asked the boy.

"Yeah!" Danny answered sounding excited, causing Castiel to smile.

"Tell me what time you can be there and I will meet you and we will talk." he told him.

"It's my last day for the summer I get out at lunch time."

"Okay Danny. I will see you at noon… is that okay?"

"Yeah Castiel that's okay!" he said sounding both relieved and happy.

"Okay… get to school and I will see you and a few hours." he told the boy.

"Castiel?"

"Yes Danny?"

"Thanks… I told mom you loved her… I told her you would come.. I knew you would."

"Of course I love her." he replied. "But Danny… for now this is between us okay… just you and me."

"Yeah I know… don't worry."

Castiel slid his cell back into his pocket and returned his attention to the group of men in the parking lot. He focused in on one of them. A younger man with light blonde hair dressed in worn blue jeans and a white t-shirt. It was Malphas the demon he had been sent to retrieve. According to Chuck, or at least his latest vision, this demon was supposed to have information regarding Lucifer's strategy and location in the next phase of the war.

XXX

Castiel arrived back at the hotel room holding the demon by the scruff of the neck as one would a misbehaving child. He released him, shoving hard him into the center of a waiting devils trap, drawn on the floor and then helped Sam and Bobby gag his mouth and secure him to a chair. When they finished he looked at the two men and nodded. "One of you should let Dean know we've got him." he said, then he and moved toward the door.

"Cass? You're not staying?" Sam asked.

"I'd rather not." he said looking back at Sam and Bobby. "Danny called. Olivia isn't herself. I plan to meet with him today and I need to think some things through before I do."

Sam looked to Bobby who was reinforcing the restraints. He nodded, indicating he could handle the demon and then Sam moved closer to talk to Castiel.

"Is she okay?" Sam asked.

"I honestly don't know." The angel shrugged, looking at the floor and shaking his head before looking back to the hunter. "Danny said she is having nightmares again, and she hasn't opened the bookstore since…" his voice trailed off and then got quiet.

"Nightmares?" Sam questioned.

Castiel sighed and nodded. "As I said last week. You have no understanding of her past. Of what happened in New Hampshire. It isn't as simple as it looks on the outside."

Sam again turned to look at Bobby who had finished with the demon and now sat on the bed nearest him, shot gun loaded with salt rounds in hand. "Go on out and talk." he said understanding what Sam wanted. "This son of a bitch isn't going anywhere" he nodded toward the demon.

Sam walked outside the motel room to talk to the angel privately.

XXX

"Cass. I'm sorry I don't know what to say… I don't think Dean had any idea or I know he would have kept his mouth shut." Sam apologized after Castiel explained Olivia's story in detail.

"It's of little importance now." he told the younger Winchester.

"Cass don't say that. It's been a week, I'm sure she has calmed down. I bet if you talk to her and explain everything to her like you did me… I bet she would listen and understand." Sam said trying to sound upbeat.

"No." He shook his head. "The way she looked at me…" he mused looking out over the motel parking lot, his face showing obvious pain. "She… she was almost afraid of me." he said softly and dropped his head.

"Cass she has to know you would never hurt her." Sam said tying to reassure him.

"Right now I am concerned with Danny." he said. "Her nightmares are truly terrible. The way she screams…" He looked upward and sighed. "…they just consume her and it can take a very long time for her to calm afterwards." Castiel explained. "It is horrifying to watch and I am seen terrible things. I'm sure Danny is terrified watching her suffer in such a way."

Sam tightened his lips and nodded. "You should go… talk to him and… I think you should try to see Olivia too."

Castiel shook his head.

"You'll never know if you don't try Cass. She loves you."

XXX

Danny had gone to school and Olivia managed to climb out of bed an hour later. She went into the bathroom and pulled her hair into a pony tail then changed into a t-shirt and pair of baggy shorts. She sighed looking out of her bedroom windows. She should have gotten up and opened the store today.. Hell yesterday. But she didn't want to. She wasn't even sure she wanted to stay in Arcadia any longer, of course she didn't know where else she would want to go either.

Bored she dragged the hampers from both bathrooms to the washer and dryer in her kitchen and began to sort clothes. It actually felt good to do something that seemed so normal. It was the first time in a long time she had felt normal. That is until she found a t-shirt that she had gotten for Castiel… then another, and his jeans. She sighed not sure what to do with his things. Finally she gave up, tossing the clothes onto a pile on the floor, she went back into the living room leaving the laundry half sorted. She sat on the sofa and stared at the blank TV. She didn't want to think about him, about what he had done or the reasons he had done it.

The truth was she understood. She understood completely, she couldn't count how many times over her lifetime with them she had wanted to hurt both of the men, as badly if not worse than hey had hurt her. She understood. But he followed through, it didn't matter that he did it for her, because he loved her. In many ways that made it worse and if she accepted his action it made her worse than both of them. Olivia had come to take great pride in the fact that she came away from both of the men just fine. She made a life for herself and her child. She became a strong and successful person despite their best efforts to make her a victim. Accepting the angel's actions made her no different from them. She didn't want retribution she just wanted freedom, from her past.

Olivia wasn't sure how long she sat and just stared into space thinking, but when she stood up it seemed like it had been quite a while. She had spent the last week trying to forget Castiel, trying to move past the time the angel spent with her. She was finding it impossible to do. She loved him, she has let herself love him more than she thought or even believed was possible. She had survived her father and the monster she married but, she honestly didn't know if she could survive loving Castiel.

It didn't help she wasn't sleeping well, peacefully. Her nights were filled with terrifying images of her fathers large hands and the sounds of his angry voice. The nightmares were worse than ever and she just couldn't make them go away this time. She felt guilt weigh on her. Danny was the only one there when the dreams came and it was unfair for him to have to witness their effects. She was supposed to be the strong one, not him. She had to find a way to move on. That's what led her to the night stand drawer and the rather large check the Baxter's had sent.

XXX

Dean had spent an hour questioning the demon they had trapped in the rundown motel room. He wasn't getting anywhere and neither were Sam or Bobby.

"Where the hell is Cass?" he complained frustrated, pacing the parking lot outside of the motel room.

"He had to take care of something." Sam told his brother.

"Yeah well I think he bailed again, that's what I think."

Sam screwed up his face with anger. "Dean he never bailed on us."

"Oh what do you call it then?"

"I don't know, but I do know we aren't the only people that need him… and it's time you accept that fact."

"Olivia? He went back to Arcadia didn't he?" Dean asked.

"Yeah.. Yeah he did." Sam nodded.

"Son of a bitch." Dean grumbled, and pulled his cell out of his pocket.

Sam reached out and grabbed the phone out of his brothers hands before he had the chance to dial. "Stay out of it Dean. Trust me… You don't know the whole story here."

"Oh and you do?"

"Uh yeah I do."

"And?"

"And I know you would do the exact same thing if you were Cass, so just leave it alone."

XXX

Castiel sat on the park bench waiting on Danny to arrive. He resisted the urge to walk past the bookstore when he came into town. He missed Olivia and being so close to her and yet unable to see her was torture. He closed his eyes and wished she would forgive him, he wished she would just give him the chance to explain. The angel opened his eyes in time to see Danny approaching on his bike, his lime green helmet bobbing up and down as he peddled made him hard to miss. Castiel waved as he saw the boy riding in his direction. He couldn't help but smile as he watched a broad smile spread across his face just before he sped up, racing towards the angel.

"Slow down before you get hurt." he laughed as the boy came to a halt just in front of him.

Danny hopped off of his bike letting it drop to the ground. He ignored the angels scolding and wrapped his arms around him catching him in a hug that told the angel he was both missed and needed. Castiel returned the boy's hug and the concern inside him built. "I knew you'd come." Danny said with obvious relief.

"Of course." Castiel replied as the boy pulled away and he put his hands on his shoulders, holding him at a good distance to have a proper look at him.

"Tell me what is happening." the angel said.

XXX

Dean hung his head looking truly ashamed of himself for the first time since his antics in Arcadia rendered Castiel alone and homeless.

"Why didn't Bobby know about any of this?" He questioned after Sam relayed to him the details of Olivia's past.

"I dunno… I guess it wasn't public knowledge… and don't blame Bobby this is all your own doing Dean."

Dean sighed and shook his head. "Guess I really fucked up this time."

Sam nodded, not feeling particularly inclined to relieve his brother of the guilt he was feeling.

They had given up on extracting information from the captured demon, at least for the time being. Malphas wasn't talking and their continued efforts were becoming exhausting for everyone. Bobby offered to go and pick up something for lunch, giving the brothers a chance to talk in his absence.

"So what now?" Dean sighed "Do we just let him go playhouse?"

"Dean" Sam sighed and shook his head.

"Look… I admit I was wrong. More than that I was way outta line, a complete and total dick… But it doesn't change the fact the we have Lucifer's lap dog trapped in our motel room and no way to make him talk. We need Cass."

XXX

Olivia sat at her dinning table. The check from the Baxter's lay in front of her. She hated the thought of cashing it, she hated giving them any control over her life. But, it was enough, if she cashed this check she could leave arcadia right way. She wouldn't have to wait to sell the store. She could take her time, get more for it and still start over somewhere else. Somewhere far away from her father, the Baxter's and yes, the angel.

"You aren't seriously considering this are you?"

Olivia jumped when she heard the strangely familiar voice ask the question. She turned slowly, terrified by the though just who was in the room with her.

She looked into her kitchen, and found a man, not tall, but not short, with sandy blonde hair and hazel eyes. He was dressed in a dark blue button up and a pair of jeans. He tilted his head at her as if he were waiting on a response as he leaned against her refrigerator, nibbling on a candy bar.

"Well?" he questioned.

"Who the hell are you?" Olivia glared at him trying to hide her fear.

He closed his eyes and sighed. " You don't remember?" he questioned.

"Remember?" she repeated.

"Okay we'll start over." he said, softening his tone.

"Start over?" Olivia was confused.

"I'm Gabriel and you need to sit down."


	23. Chapter 21

Odds and ends this chap. next chapter will be more exciting for those of you pulling for C&O to finally get back on the same page. Meanwhile enjoy. FEEDBACK PLEASE!

xox

ep

Chapter 21

Oh Brother

"Gabriel?" Olivia repeated the angel's name. "As in 'The Gabriel?"

"The one and only." the sandy haired man standing in her kitchen replied.

She shook her head in disbelief.

"Oh come on." He said taking a step towards her. "You have no problem buying my little brothers story." he sounded almost hurt.

"Oh no… I believe you." she laughed. "I just can't believe this is my life." she shook her head and felt dizzy. She realized she hadn't been breathing and took a deep breath then reached a hand to the table steady her spinning head.

"Hey now." The angel said moving quickly towards her. "I told you to sit."

"No I'm okay… I just forgot to breathe for a minute."

Gabe pulled the chair she had been sitting in farther out and pushed her down onto it by the shoulders. "You should sit down for this anyway."

"For what?"

"Olivia I owe you an apology." he said sitting down in the chair across from her.

XXX

Castiel sat on the park bench with Danny listening to the boy recount the events of the last week. The boy was concerned and from what Castiel deduced from his story he had good reason.

"I'm not sure what I can do under the circumstances." Castiel sighed feeling helpless. "I don't think she would be happy to see me right now… That is if she would see me at all."

"But you still lover her? Don't you?" Danny asked his eyes almost pleading the angel to say yes.

Castiel looked at him and gave him a small smile as he put a hand on his shoulder. "I love her very much Danny. But that is also why I don't want to upset her further."

"But you love her and she still loves you. I don't know what made her so mad but. Why is it so important?" he asked.

The angel shrugged and chuckled. "I agree it shouldn't be, but, it is to your mother and right now hers is the only opinion that matters."

XXX

"So what you're saying is… this is all your fault?" Olivia said sitting back in her chair and looking at Gabriel.

"Well I wouldn't go that far… but… yeah I could have done better." he admitted.

She chuckled and shook her head. "Still it doesn't change what Castiel did." she sighed.

Gabriel dropped his head and sighed loudly. "You are a stubborn, stubborn woman." he complained. "Olivia, Castiel promised to protect you. Just how do you think he planned to accomplish that task?"

She studied his face. "I don't know."

"Maybe I better update your Angel 101. We don't solve problems like humans. By the time a problem gets big enough for us to get involved… Well… we call it smiting and it isn't pretty." he said. "… But it's usually pretty effective."

"It's not acceptable either." she challenged. "And he wasn't on some mission."

"It's only because you are human and can't see the big picture."

She narrowed her eyes at the angel. "He did this from anger… it wasn't a job or an order… he was pissed."

"You're right he was acting on his own… because he loves you. If I had let him do what he wanted the first time… He would have killed them both… worse than that there probably wouldn't have been enough pieces left of either one of them to ID and bury." Gabe told her matter of fact.

Olivia shook her head then looked away.

"No.. Olivia, look at me!" he said firmly. "He was too upset, you were in a coma and he blamed them. So I stopped him. I knocked his ass out and sent him back to you."

"You know you really aren't helping his case." she told him.

"The point is he stayed away. He realized you were more important and he stayed away…. Until I called him."

"You called him?"

"Yeah." he nodded. "I kept an eye on both of them… he was right they were still the same miserable bastards they always were."

"So beating them half to death was going to make it all better?" she said sarcastically.

"It changed their lives." Gabe said. Your Dad hasn't had a drink since… Granted it's only been a little more than a week but he is dry."

She just looked at him.

"… And Curtis… well he didn't go back home, he has been staying with his parents. I don't know if he has changed, but I have the feeling he will at least get some help."

"Still there had to be a better way."

"Maybe it's time you understood what we really are…" He said, "It's the way we do business… we aren't cuddly and fluffy you know…" he said. "We aren't these beautiful balls of love and light the new age wacko's would have you believe." he went on. "Truth is for most people… If an angel comes their way… then they should stick their heads between their legs and kiss their ass good bye. Cuz we ain't there to pass out hugs and cookies." he finished.

She glared at him.

"…And don't forget he wanted to kill them… there was a time not so long ago I would have not only let him… but led the way." He told her, adding "But we didn't do that."

"So that makes it okay… You are angels and you decide who lives… who dies?" she argued.

"No Olivia, but, if they end up changed, on the right path then we did the right thing."

"And if they don't?" she questioned.

"Then worse things and my brother and myself await them."

She glared at him.

"Either way you're free. Either way they will regret ever laying a hand to you." he said softly.

She looked away, knowing in her heart for many years she had wanted them both punished. "So this is what I get for hating them?"

"No… this is what they get for being selfish, self aggrandizing, sadistic, bastards." he corrected. "What you get…" He paused and looked at her with pleading eyes. "…Is an angel who loves you..."

Olivia looked away again.

"Forgive him Olivia… He truly loves you… You were there for him when he lost everything and you have no idea how much he suffers without you… How reckless he can be."

Olivia looked back to the angel. She remembered how Castiel had come to her a few weeks ago, beaten and bloody. "Maybe you should tell me." She said.

XXX

Castiel arrived in the Winchesters motel room as they were finishing the second round of questioning with the demon.

"Nice of you to join us." Bobby said noticing the angel in the room.

"I had other obligations." Castiel remarked walking passed the older hunter and into the forefront of the devils trap.

"Cass?" Dean said as the angel pushed him to the side. Castiel pulled from his pocket a vial of liquid.

"Oh no not more holy water." the demon said with mock horror and then chuckled manically. "You guys really need to get a better act." he said and offered up a defiant sneer to the angel.

Castiel returned the demons sneer, looking down on him. "Oh this is different Malphas… it's very rare and quite special." he said. "I think you are familiar with it."

"No." the demon growled "That's just a story, it isn't real."

"What is that Cass?" Sam asked, noticing the fear on the demons face.

"It appears to be Holy water… Blessed by Michael himself." Castiel said shaking the vial in front of the demons face. "It is said it will cause a very slow and painful death to any demon who even touches it." he explained, glowering at the evil creature tied to the chair in front of him.

"It's not real." Malplas hissed

"Well then you shouldn't mind drinking it." The angel snarled and pulled his head back by the hair forcing his head back and his mouth open.

"Wait! Wait!" Malphas yelled before Castiel could pour the contents down his throat. "I'll talk!" the demon caved.

"Well, well, well, you seem awful chatty all of the sudden." Dean said leaning in close to the demon, as a grin spread across his face.

XXX

"Don't drown me" Olivia grumbled as water poured over her face.

Olivia was leant over her kitchen sink while Inez washed her hair.

"I swear you are worse than the kids." Inez sighed lathering her thick mop of hair.

"I can't wait till this damn thing comes off." Olivia grumbled and tapped her cast on the counter.

"You and me both." Inez laughed as she rinsed her friends hair.

"Ow ow ow!" Olivia complained as Inez squeezed the excess water from her hair.

"Sorry Vee but you gotta a lot of hair." she said.

"It's alright just get done."

"So you haven't heard from… him?" Inez asked as Olivia wrapped her hair in a towel.

"No… and I'm not sure I want to.." She said.

"You ever gonna tell me what he did?" She asked reaching in he refrigerator for diet sodas?

"Probably not." Olivia laughed, accepting the soda from her friend.

"You sure you're not just over reacting to what ever it was?" Inez questioned.

"I honestly don't know." Olivia sighed and moved to flop down on a chair at the dining table.

"I know you… That right statement there, is a pretty good sign that you are."

Olivia sighed.

"You love him?" Inez asked in her usual direct fashion.

"Yeah." Olivia said softly, thoughtfully.

XXX

"Ha Haaa!" Dean laughed as the men stood out in the parking lot. "Cass I had you all wrong dude. I mean I thought you stood us up but… Shit man you really came through." Dean said exuberant.

The angel just nodded and stuck his hands in his jeans pocket as he leant against the impala.

"Yeah." Sam smiled, "Did you see his face?"

"I never heard of such a thing." Bobby said, "Where'd you get it."

Castiel dropped his head and let out a small rare laugh. "The trunk of Deans car." he said.

"What?" Dean questioned.

"Amazing what a little imagination can do isn't boys?" A new voice came from just behind the group.

"What the hell are you doing here." Sam Glared at the intruder.

"Calm down Sam." Castiel instructed. "He's here to help as a matter of fact the holy water story was his idea."

Dean looked at the man he know more commonly as the trickster. "Really… your idea? You all of the sudden want to help us?"

"What can I say. I hate Malphas more than I hate you." the angel grinned.

"Is that so." Bobby said narrowing his eyes.

Gabriel sighed. "Look… I'm not unreasonable if the cause is good. And Luci always was such a dick. If you're gonna stick it to him… well then I guess I can help."

"So the holy water story was just Bullshit." Bobby asked.

"Yes and No." Gabe answered

Sam cocked his head confused.

"It did exist at one time." Castiel explained.

"But not any more?" Dean questioned.

"Shhhh The Demons don't know that." Gabe said.

"So what now?" Sam asked.

"Kanas City" Dean said "That is where he is to release the armies of hell according to Malphas. We go and we stop him."

"I know I'm new here." Gabe said "But just how the hell do you intend to do that?"

"I have no idea." Dean answered. "We'll figure it out when we get there like always."

"…And I thought I was fucking insane." the angel remarked

"What would you like me to do with Malphas?" Castiel asked.

"Send em back to hell Cass." Sam replied.

"Oh Oh let me.. I just love an exorcism before bed!" Gabriel said.

XXX

Olivia lay in bed tossing and turning. She was tired but afraid to sleep, not to mention the visit with Gabriel had left her unsure of her feelings towards Castiel. She knew she was in love with him, but she was no longer sure she could be angry with him for what he had done. Still she couldn't agree with his tactics.

She sighed and rolled over again.

"I can help with the sleep thing if you want." She heard Gabriels voice talking to her in the dark room.

"Do you ever knock?"

"Sorry… I'll make a note." he said.

"It's alright… and no. I have to beat this on my own." she said regarding her sleeping habits.

"Stubborn." He sighed.

"Yeah we already covered that." she said "You need something or you just like to watch me sleep?"

"I told Cass I would check on you… Danny told him about the nightmares."

"Danny talked to Castiel?"

"Yeah… today… at the playground."

"Remind me to ground his ass in the morning." she sighed

The angel laughed. "I also wanted you to know… Cass is in Kansas City… They are gonna face off with Lucifer. Might help if he knew you really do still love him before… well before…"

"I didn't know angel's used guilt." she sighed.

"Are you kidding? We are spoon fed guilt… haven't you ever read the bible." he cracked.

XXX


	24. Chapter 22

This is the last chap i had at beta. hope you enjoy. I will be be working on this one again as soon as i catch up the others.

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Chapter 22

Forgiven

The blacktop of the parking lot was wet from the drizzling rain. It was shining and slick, causing it to look foreboding, It seemed more like an ocean of thick black muck, just waiting to swallow the first unfortunate soul to set foot atop it, rather than the parking lot of the Towns End Motel.

It was three a.m. and the Winchesteras, Bobby and Castiel had landed in Kansas City to await yet another face off with Lucifer. No one in the cramped, garishly decorated motel room was sleeping tonight. Castiel stood at his usual post, next to the front windows, keeping a vigilant watch for any hint of Lucifer or demonic activity. At the moment he was staring out at the ominous looking wet asphalt, thinking more about Olivia than Satan. He worried about what was about to happen. Lucifer was coming to Kansas City in search of an amulet. With this amulet he would be able to release the armies of hell. The devil himself was about to set unfathomable evil loose on the world. If he succeeded, nothing would ever be the same, it would only be a matter of time before civilization as they knew it would spin wildly out of control. Castiel leant into the wall, next to the window, feeling helpless. He had no idea how to stop any of this, even though Sam, Dean and Bobby had sprawled weapons over the beds behind them preparing them for battle and formulating a plan, he had little faith in any plan. He worried for Olivia and Danny, they were alone and the world was about to be turned on it's side.

XXX

Olivia tossed again and sighed. Looking up at the alarm clock on the bed stand she could see it was three in the morning. She had yet to get even a moments sleep. Gabriel had left her to her thoughts just after midnight and she continued to toss restlessly. Finally she sat up and swung her feet to the floor. She looked behind her to the cold and empty spot where Castiel usually slept or at least laid and watched her sleep. She shook her head and squinted her eyes raising her good hand to rub the spot between her eyes, that was beginning to foster a dull ache.

She stood up and padded out of her bedroom moving towards the kitchen. On the way she stopped and peeked into Danny's room. he lay sprawled over his bed snoring lightly. Closing the door she then went into the kitchen and made a cup of tea. Her thoughts were full of her conversations with Gabriel, her anger with Castiel was tamping out and becoming concern. Gabriel had called him reckless and Olivia had no doubt he spoke the truth. The way the angel had left so abruptly, and the way he returned, he was obviously at the mercy of emotions he was never prepared to deal with.

She chewed on her bottom lip and found she was biting back tears as well. A moment later she found herself down stairs, unlocking then walking out of, the back door of the bookstore. Olivia stood on the small stoop and looked up at the night sky. The tears she had harnessed in her kitchen moments before began to quietly fight their way to the surface. She didn't resist.

"I miss you…" She said through the assault of emotions that had taken hold of her heart and mind.

XXX

"Earth to Cass." the angel was shaken from his thoughts by Deans voice.

"Hmmm." he mused at first then became more alert. "What.. What is it?" he said sounding a little irritated.

"A little focus would be good right now." Dean reminded.

Castiel turned to look at the hunter. "I'm focused." he grunted.

"I was asking about this amulet… What do we know about it?

Castiel sighed and shook his head. "I know little of it but a story. Thousands of years ago It was used in a ritual to bind the armies of hell, rendering them powerless. Now it is the only thing that can reverse the spell and release them."

"So you don't have any idea where it might be?" Bobby asked.

"No… Or how it got here or why . Something of this importance should be under constant guard in heaven not hidden in Kansas City." he said.

"Maybe it was put here recently?" Sam pondered.

Castiel narrowed his eyes in thought for a moment before nodding. "It is possible that a Lucifer sympathizer brought it to earth."

"Like Uriel?" Dean questioned.

"Yes.' Castiel confirmed, just before he turned sharply in the direction of the window. He tilted his head, his expression that of confusion quickly turning into concern.

"What's going on Cass?" Sam questioned.

"It's Olivia he said just before he vanished with a gush of wind and the rustling of feathers."

XXX

Olivia had sat on the step leading to the small stoop just outside of the bookstore door. It had begun to rain lightly, but she didn't even seem to notice or care. Once the dam of emotion and tears broke free she was flooded with grief and sadness. And she found herself begging the angel to come home to her. She never dreamt he would hear every word.

She stood and walked into the middle of the alley behind her store. The rain began to pour down harder and she was soon soaked. Olivia didn't care. She looked up to the night sky, all of the things Gabriel had told her repeated in her head like some sort of a recorded loop. She hated what Castiel had done, but worse yet, she hated that she knew, deep down, she had wanted him to do it. How many times after a beating had she prayed those men would know what it felt like? How many times in desperation did she pray she would be loved? Maybe Castiel was wrong. Maybe God was listening after all. It may have taken a lifetime but those prayers where answered in the form of the angel coming into her life.

Tears ran across her face mixing with the rain that was now pounding down on her. Her head jerked upward her voice was pleading one last time for Castiel. "Okay I get it… I asked for this… Just come back in one piece." The words no sooner left her lips than a bolt of lightning lit the sky and a crash of thunder shook the ground around her, as if heaven itself were chastising her for her loving the angel.

She jumped, reacting to the bright light and loud crash, in the next moment she was engulfed in darkness. A soft almost silken cover offeathers, wrapped around her, while familiar arms encircled her.

"Shhh" Olivia was hushed, before she could even think to scream. "It's just me… You're alright" Came the soft familiar whisper against her ear. As Castiel's hand reached up and pressed her head to his chest. Another flash of lightning followed by a new crash of thunder caused her to jolt again. "You're safe" he reminded.

Olivia looked up to Castiel's face. "What…?" she started to ask.

He let out a single small laugh. "Wings" he said ruffling them around her. "You are safe inside them." he told her as the storm picked up velocity and winds whipped around them.

"I'm sorry." She whispered against his ear and pulled his head to her lips kissing him deeply. Another crash of thunder echoed around them, ending the kiss.

"Let's go inside." he said looking up at the sky with furrowed brows.

XXX

Dean paced in front of the motel window. "How long is this gonna take?"

"Seriously Dean? You are gonna bitch about him going to see Olivia again?" Sam grumbled.

"No Sam I'm not… but… well… we sorta got a date with the apocalypse and…" Dean trailed off frustrated.

"As much as I hate to admit it… he does have a point Sam." Bobby said.

"He knows this is important, he'll be back… I just hope she's okay." Sam told them both,

"Oh she's fine." They heard the familiar voice of Gabriel as he arrived in the room.

"Well it's about damn time… where the hell you been?" Dean snapped.

"Having a pedicure what do you think?" Gabe snapped back.

"Did you find anything?" Sam asked.

"As a matter of fact I did." the angel told him with a satisfied grin,

"You wanna share with the rest of the class?" Dean asked.

"Okay…" Gabe stared. "There is an old church about four miles from here. 30 years ago the Pastor went fuck nuts… at least as far as mortals where concerned. He said an angel came to visit him and that the human race was doomed because they had it all wrong."

"Wrong?" Bobby questioned.

"Yeah" Gabe said raising an eyebrow. "Within a week the pastor had turned the church into a fortress and was pretty much recruiting souls for the devil. He said he had been shown the errors of his ways.. Blah, blah blah…" Gabe finished.

"So you thing he has the amulet?" Bobby asked.

"Sort of."

"What do you mean sort of?" Dean pressed.

"Well like I said they guy went off the tracks… Really nuts by human standards. He tried burning the woods down around the church, ranting about angels hiding in them. When the authorities came to take him away he was already dead. Hung himself in a ritual to my dear brother." The angel finished.

"So where is the amulet?" asked Sam.

"I think he ate it." Gabe told him.

"What?" Bobby asked screwing up his face.

"Well the ritual he used was meant to protect an object. I think he used his own body to hide the thing."

"So where is he.. err it now?" Sam asked.

"Well the town agreed to allow him to be buried in the church grave yard, since they believed he was mentally ill and not truly evil."

"So what's the big deal. Go raise em up and pump his stomach." Dean said.

"Sorry no can do." Gabe said.

'Why not?" Dean asked.

"Hallowed ground Dean.. I'm an angel I just can't go digging up bodies in a grave yard. That is really against the rules."

"You pick now to decide to follow the rules." Dean sighed.

Gabriel shrugged and handed him a shovel.

"Fine." the elder Winchester sighed. "But you're reaching in his gut and looking for the damn thing."

"So do we go now or do we wait on Cass?" Sam asked.

"Ummm we should go now." Gabe said. "Cass is gonna be busy for a little while." He said with a wink and a smile.

"Oh?" Dean questioned.

He nodded. "Olivia has decided to forgive him… I'm pretty sure he's gonna want to take the time to make it official if ya know what I mean?" He said waggling his eye brows.

"Great I gotta go do a colon cleanse on a dead guy while the angel is getting laid." Dean complained. "What's wrong with this picture?"

"The job does have certain perks." Gabe agreed.

XXX

"I never meant to frighten you." Castiel said kneeling in front of Olivia with a towel.

"I should have talked to you." she said softly and leant to kiss the angel.

"I'm sorry." He whispered against her lips. "I thought I had lost you and… I blamed them."

"Shhh" she soothed him, stroking his cheek with her good hand. "You were right… I prayed for them to be punished for a very long time Castiel. I asked for this."

"They will never hurt you again… no one will." he told her as he kissed her again.

"We can talk about this later." Olivia allowed her self to sink into his embrace, she forgave him and herself. "I know what's going on…Gabe told me." she said quietly. "It sounds bad."

He nodded at her. "Don't worry yet… we will think of something."

"… And if you don't?" she asked.

"I will find a way to keep you and Danny safe Olivia." he promised.

She nodded at him not even trying to hide the fear she was feeling towards what he was about to walk into.

"Let's get you dried off." he said trying to change the subject.

Olivia kissed him… "How long do we have?"

He returned her kiss and sucked gently on her lower lip feeling the familiar ache within him rising. "Not long." he said regretfully as his hands reached to pull off her soaking wet t-shirt. "But long enough." he whispered.


	25. Chapter 23

See that didnt take long - **Rated MMMMMMMMMMMM for ! enjoy smut fans.**

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Chapter 23

Where I Want to Be

The impala pulled to a stop in front of the small church. It wasn't much to look at. The structure and the grounds around it had been neglected, as if no one dare come near, it had an almost sinister feel. It had obviously been vacant for many years.

Dean got out of the car and shone his flashlight on the red brick building. Several bricks had fallen away and it's foundation was all but crumbling. It looked as if it had a large crack right in the center, running straight up the stairs that led to the entrance, Dean couldn't help but be reminded the large crack made by Lucifer's entrance in the foundation of the convent, in Ilchester. He had a strange feeling this crack was made in a similar manner. Looking closer he found most of the windows had not just been broken out, but blown out. Large portions of the outside walls were covered with twisted and gnarled brown vines that looked more like roots. The rain had made them wet, causing them to give off a disconcerting shine that almost glowed under the beam of the flashlight. It seemed almost as if a giant slimy hand was reaching up through the earth and hold the building in its grasp.

Dean took a deep breath and he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. He tried not to shiver looking at the place, but he did any way. "Well It doesn't look very welcoming." he noted pulling his jacket collar up around his neck just a little closer.

Sam nodded his agreement, narrowing his eyes as looked on the structure, sinking his hands deep into his pants pockets. Bobby and Gabe marched forward leading the way to the short rot iron fence located just in front of the church seeming un-phased.

"Let's go ladies." Gabriel said as he passed the Winchesters, Bobby close on his heels.

"You sure about this?" Bobby asked Gabe, finally showing some trepidation of his own.

"Unless you got a better idea."

XXX

Olivia raised her arms and Castiel slowly lifted her shirt, allowing his hands to glide over her torso has he did. He then slipped the pale yellow t-shirt over her head and arms, tossing the damp garment on the floor behind him. He looked at her through eyes that had become hooded with desire and he trailed his hands back down to her waist, Shuddering as the feeling of her soft warm skin under his hands once more. "I love you Olivia." he whispered through lips that were just millimeters from hers and lowered his head to her breasts. Capturing a nipple in his mouth, he sucked and chewed gently while his hands moved to gently slip off her pajama bottoms. His breath was becoming shorter and he brought his face to hers and her lips gently met his. He said a mental thank you to Gabriel for helping her to forgive him, just before he let himself slip away into the ecstasy that came only from being with her.

Olivia kissed him slowly, teasingly, "I thought I'd lost you forever." he whispered just before his mouth clamped down on hers with so much force the kiss was nearly bruising.

"I missed you." Olivia told him her voice trembling with emotion, when he pulled away. She stroked the stubble on his cheek and looked into his eyes they were now the dark deep almost dangerous blue she had come to know when he was filled with desire. "I never stopped loving you.. I couldn't.. I..I.."

"Shhh." he hushed her, then bit on her lower lip, fervently. "None of that matters now…" he said and she tugged his t-shirt loose. He leant back and quickly pulled the shirt off, tossing it aside, while her hands adeptly worked the button of his jeans free. He stood and let them drop stepping out of them, then leant to slide her body where he wanted her on the bed before positioning himself over her.

He took his time, he was losing himself once more, the way he only could with her. For now nothing mattered and there was no world beyond her, her arms, her kisses, there was nothing more than the taste of her skin and the heat of her body… It is all he wanted to feel and all he would ever need. He let his mouth travel the length of her neck tasting the salt of her skin and smelling the sweet scent of her perfume. A moan escaped him as his head swam in the sensations he loved so much. He had missed her and her body against his. Olivia's hands worked through his hair with expertly trained fingers rewarding his mouth's efforts against her neck. Her hips rose to grind against his hard cock when he bit the soft flesh, tugging with gentle teeth. He gasp feeling the heat that came off of her and ground himself against her harder. She moved an arm around him and sank her fingers into the flesh of his back pulling him closer to her.

She moaned when he pressed against her and ground his hips. He worked his mouth back to hers, licking at her lips, gaining access to her mouth and tongue. Her hips pressed against his and his hands traced her body. "I need you." she moaned into his mouth and his groin ached at the words. "Yes" he whispered back to her as he slid inside of her. Slowly gently letting the sensation overtake him. Her breath hitched in her chest feeling him fill her and his eyes rolled back as he let the heat within her consume him and burn away the sorrow of the past week. He was whole and strong once again.

He thrust deeper and her mouth found the pulse of his neck and sucked gently on it while her hips welcomed each thrust of his hips. Cupping a breast in one hand he reached to raise her right hip closer to his and pounded harder into her, reveling in the grunts and moans that broke free from her lips. "I missed you." she said when her mouth found his and she kissed him, her tongue exploring his mouth. He groaned as her hips shifted and he found himself delving deeper inside of her and her name fell from his lips in a deep rasp.

The pace quickened and he felt her tighten just slightly around his hard cock. He again moaned feeling the slick heat increase and the aching of his groin responded in kind. "More" he murmured, his mouth pressing against her. "I need more." he said, as they rocked together, their bodies caught in a rhythm of deep hard thrusts. She gasp and moaned his name when she came and he held onto her tightly letting the heat of her release coat his throbbing cock. Both of them so lost in the sensation that neither noticed the loud crash of thunder made by the increasingly powerful storm raging outside.

Castiel growled his approval and continued his relentless pounding. "Again." he told her almost as if giving an order and he grabbed her hips and ground into her even more deeply than before.

Her head tossed back and his mouth was on her neck like an animal moving in for a kill. He sucked and chewed at the flesh relishing the strangled cries that emitted from her throat. "I love you." he grunted into her ear, followed by a long growl of pleasure as he felt her tighten around him yet again. He pressed deeper and she murmured his name one more time and arched her back beneath him as she let go, shuddering under his body.

This time he came with her, loudly grunting her name and filling her with hot torrents that spilled out from her around him, before collapsing spent on top of her.

XXX

The group of men moved through the rot iron fence and looked around. "Looks like the cemetery is that way." Sam pointed with his flashlight to a path to the left that led to the back of the church.

Dean nodded. "Let's get this over with." and he gripped the handle of the shovel tighter, the low rumbles of thunder not making him feel anymore at ease.

"We should take a look inside." Gabiel said placing a hand on the older brothers shoulder.

"Why?" Bobby questioned with wide eyes.

"Yeah… why?" Dean echoed, as the rain picked up and the rumbles grew louder.

"Because we don't know what or who might be in there." Gabriel said as if speaking to a child.

"Who the hell cares lets just get done." Dean argued.

"We need to know if Lucifer has made it this far yet." Gabriel explained.

"Fine." Dean sighed. "Let's just get this over with."

XXX

The rain beat down in a steady and hard stream while thunder still rumbled in the distance, neither of the lovers seemed to pay much attention to the storm more, caught up in their own concerns for the immediate future. Olivia lay on her stomach next to Castiel while his long fingers traced the contours of her back. Studying each curve as if they were the intricate designs of precious object. "What would happen if you didn't go back… if you just stayed here?" she asked quietly.

He bent his head and kissed the spot between her shoulder blades, he had been wondering the same thing. Only he knew it wasn't really an option.

"I can't do that Olivia." he told her softly.

She nodded into her pillow, "I know you can't but… that is what I want." she said. "I want you to stay right here.. I want to know you are safe."

"Olivia" he whispered pressing his face against her ear and she rolled to face him.

"I know… I know, it's what you have to do. I just can't help but…"

"shhh" he soothed. "I will come back." he told her.

"But there are no guarantees?"

"No… You know that." he said. "There are never guarantees."


	26. NOTE

I am going to be taking a break from FFN for a while. I currently have 4 stories open here. 3 of which I update very regularly. Lately I am just not getting much feed back which tells me I am boring you to tears.

For those who do read and review regularly I promise this is only a little break. 4 to 6 weeks at most. I am working on a novel - that with a little luck - will be published and available on amazon by Halloween. (cross your fingers.) and I really need to give those chapters some attention anyway right now. For those that read and never say a word… well now is your chance lol.

Any one interested in reading some odds and ends from the novel shoot me out a PM and I will hook you up with a chap or 2 in exchange for an honest review.

Love you guys who are so generous with your time and tell me what you think and I even love the ones who don't…. but if I am going to work blind then I have to dedicate that time to my book.

See you all soon I PROMISE I am not abandoning any of these fics. As a matter of fact I will probably continue to write them just not edit or post. As a matter of fact the final chap of 'Road" has already been written so have no fear I will be back!

Xox

EP


	27. Chapter 24

A very short chapter for you while my God Daughter is at the beach. Hope you enjoy and this holds you over while I finish editing the first part of the novel. Enjoy and feed back please. it keeps the juices flowing.

xox

ep

Chapter 24

Things that go Bump

Just before sunrise, the rain was still pounding down and thunder continued to rumble in the distance when Olivia knelt on the bed. Her long dark hair still tangled and wet from a bath, wearing little more than a fresh and dry t-shirt she watched the angel prepare to leave her yet again. Castiel pulled a clean t-shirt out of the drawer then worked it over his head, when he finished dressing, he looked at his lover kneeling on the mattress watching him. Trying hard to keep his stare strong and determined, he extended his arms for her to fall into. Olivia rose higher on her knees and leant into his waiting embrace. She looked up to his face and met his lips with a deep and tender kiss, while threading her fingers through his hair, still damp from his shower.

"I wish-" she started to whisper against his lips only to be cut off by the angel.

" Shhh" He quieted her, "I know… I wish I could stay longer too." he told her and brushed his lips over hers once and then again.

"I know how stupid it sounds… but please… please be careful." she begged her voice just above a whisper.

"I will. I promise." he said holding her close to him trying to sound more confident than he was and wishing he could some how ease her fears, even if he couldn't ease his own. "Remember what we talked about." He said trying to sound as if he had a plan, he didn't. "I don't know exactly what's going to happen when I return to Kansas City." he went on, as if facing off with Lucifer was no big deal. "So stay in today… Danny too... Okay?" He finished as he bent to collect his shoes.

"Yeah… okay.." Olivia said with a nod as she bit on her lower lip.

Castiel stood up and looked at her. She was terrified she couldn't even begin to hide it.

His face softened yet again and he reached for her pulling her close to him and holding her head tightly against his chest. "I'll be back as soon as I can. But not until I am certain it is safe Olivia. It might be a few days." he reminded her.

"I understand but… I'll need to know you are safe, how will I know."

I'll find a way to let you know," he assured "I love you" he whispered and kissed her one last time before he vanished.

XXX

"Well it sure looks like a wrecking ball went through here." Dean remarked standing in the center of the church sanctuary.

"More like all hell broke loose." Bobby commented, sifting through the cracked concrete of the walls and splintered wood of the pews.

"Yeah but not recently" Gabriel added, sounding relieved.

"So Lucifer hasn't been here." Sam concluded.

"Not yet." Gabe agreed.

"Good… then I say we dig up the pastor, clean out his lower intestine and get the fuck outta here before he show's up." Dean said as he turned to the door.

"Sounds like a plan to me." Bobby agreed looking at the arch angel for confirmation.

"Yeah." Gabe nodded looking around nervously. "Looks like we might be two steps ahead of the son of a bitch. Let's try to keep it that way."

XXX

It was two hours later when the sun started to rise in spite of the persistent storm. The Winchesters, Bobby and Gabriel had covered the cemetery and the church grounds twice in the pouring rain, looking for the burial site of the minister but, came up empty handed each time.

"What the hell." Dean grumbled as the four men once again came full circle all of them meeting in front of the church no better off than when they first arrived.

"I don't understand it." Gabe said. "his remains are buried here I am sure of it." he sighed.

"Well I hate to disagree with an angel but… No pastor is buried here." Sam said.

"He's under the church." The men all jumped when they heard Castiel's voice come from the side of the church.

"Under?" Bobby questioned.

"Bout time you join the party." Dean said, nodding at the angel.

"Yes he was entombed under the church." Castiel said responding to Bobby. "My apologies… I had something…" he stopped himself. "I needed to see Olivia." he finished, looking Dean in the eye.

Dean nodded and Sam asked. "How is she?" before Dean could open his mouth.

"Terrified." the angel answered matter of fact.

"How do you know he's down there?" Gabe questioned.

"Last fall Olivia had a book in the shop about local ghost stories." the angel reached into his pocket and pulled out a paperback and tossed it to Sam, who started to flip through it. "The story of this church is in there." he went on. "Supposedly the pastor was buried in the basement, the floor was then sealed with concrete."

"Wow guess it does pay to read now and then." Dean quipped.

"Says here the congregation agreed to allow him to be buried here as long as he was entombed in concrete and the church was blessed and then closed."

"Well boys looks like we're gonna need a bigger shovel." Gabe said as he led the way to the basement entrance of the church.


	28. Chapter 25

Quick update... enjoy. I havent forgotten you guys. I have just been really busy with the book stuff. I'll try to get short updates posted more often now. I leave you with a mystery *evil grin*

xox

feedback please

EP

Chapter 25

What Happened?

Olivia, stayed in bed listening to the rain pound on the windows and the thunder still rumbling in the distance. Only it didn't sound so distant. It sounded closer again. Much closer. And she wished Castiel was still there to wrap her up and tell her it would all be alright. But he wasn't.

That wasn't going to happen this time. He had just left, not more than 30 minutes ago and she had no idea when she would see him again. Considering where he was going and what he was doing, she really didn't even know if she would ever see him again. Of course she refused to let her mind wander in that direction, not consciously anyway. But she knew that is what he was getting at when he said he didn't know how long it would be until he came back.

Olivia, knew he was putting on a brave face. That was the thing that scared her the most. He was an angel who felt the need to put on a brave face. This could only mean one thing. This was bad. Really, really bad.

And he knew it.

And he didn't want her to know it.

She rolled to her side and pulled the pillow he slept on close to her face. Hugging it she breathed in his scent. "Please. You have to be okay." she whispered, knowing this time he could and would hear her. "I love you." she breathed in deeply again while she closed her eyes tightly against the tears.

Thunder crashed louder and she jumped, holding tightly to the angels pillow. The storm was passing right over her building again. Rain was beating down and the winds had picked up making feel as though the building itself was rattling. A flash. More lightning. Olivia was struck by the understand that this storm was no coincidence. This is storm was part of the fury Castiel had left her bed to walk into.

XXX

Olivia sat in front of the Television, coffee in hand, watching the morning news. Danny was still asleep, she was sort of glad. It was morning but the sky didn't look it. It was nearly black, nearly as black as it had been at three a. m.. There had been an almost constant barrage of rain and thunder and lightening and wind for hours now. Olivia had no doubts that this storm represented a whole lot more.

The news wasn't much better, it seemed like everything was being turned upside down. The closer you got to Kansas City, the more freakish things seemed to be. The power was out in the city and a there was a gas leak. Accident reports said that almost every road leading in or out of Kansas City had been closed. Lighting had struck the transformers leading to all Television and radio stations within 50 miles. The entire city had been cut off from the world. It was obvious to Olivia there was something bigger at work.

"Are you going to open the store today?" Danny's voice startled her.

"I didn't hear you get up."

"Sorry." he said and shrugged. "Are you?"

"No." she shook her head. "This storm is bad. And Castiel said we should stay in because of it."

"Castiel?" Danny's eyes brightened. "You talked to him?"

Olivia grinned at the boy. "Yeah he was here for a little while."

"Really? Where is he now? Is he coming back?"

"He couldn't stay, but yes as soon as he finishes what he is working on… He will be back…. To stay."

Danny grinned so wide Olivia thought his face would rip. He ran across the room to hug her. "I told you he still loved you."

"Yes you did."

"So it's okay now? You're not mad anymore?"

"Everything is going to be perfect." She told him and hoped she was telling the truth. "And no I'm not mad anymore."

XXX

Sam, Dean and Bobby woke up as the sun shone through the hole in the church roof. Well, technically it shone through the hole in the roof, which shone through the hole in the floor, which shone into the basement where they lay unconscious on the floor.

"What the hell?" Dean complained as he squinted his eyes and then shielded them with his hand from the bright light.

"What happened?" Bobby questioned confused as he tried to lift his stiff and sore body off of the floor.

"I dunno… Looks like a bomb went off." Sam said pulling himself to stand. The roof had caved in and was now laying all over the basement floor around them. There was a huge crack as well running right now the middle of the old pastors grave.

"Hey? Where's Cass? Gabe?" Dean shot out the question as he spun around looking for the angels.

"I don't know." Sam swallowed hard.

The three men searched the basement. They looked down into the hole that was to be the pastors grave but it was empty. Just a deep black hole. They went outside to look for the angels, amongst down trees and debris, but there was no sign of them.

"I don't know about you two but I can hardly remember shit." Bobby grumbled.

"Yeah." Dean said shaking his head as if trying to shake a memory loose.

'Last thing I remember is finding the grave. Then it all went black." Sam said.

"Yeah and thunder" Dean said.

"What about the amulet?" Bobby asked.

"I dunno. I don't remember seeing it." Dean answered confused.

"Me either, but it looks like it's over." Bobby said looking up to the sunny sky. "What ever that means."

"Now what?" Dean sighed.

"Now we have to go to Arcadia and tell Olivia we lost Cass." Sam said with a solemn face.

"Oh this week just keeps getting better and better." Dean complained stepping over fallen branches on his way to the Impala.


	29. Chapter 26

This should make everyone happy it is very long compared to what i have posted lately i just couldnt get passed the idea so i had to put it in writing and post it. I hope you enjoy and FEEDBACK please. I doing in about 20 different directions right now and the feedback really does help to keep me motivated to work on the fan fic's.

xox

EP

Chapter 26

Hide and Seek

The Winchesters were heading for Arcadia to see Olivia. Unfortunately they were going to arrive with more questions than answers. And neither of them were looking forward to telling Olivia they had no idea what happened to Castiel or where he might be. Getting out of Kansas City wasn't easy. Most of the local roads were blocked by downed trees or power lines. Most of the highways by wreckage and road crews. Dean had to use some of his more creative driving techniques, plowing over sidewalks and hopping a few medians, to get out on to the open road, but after more than an hour they were finally on their way.

"Dean what do you think happened back there?" Sam questioned when they finally hit a highway free of debris.

"I have no Idea" the elder brother shook his head, watching as police cars, fire trucks and other emergency vehicles sped past him, going toward the city the were fleeing. "I'm just happy to be out of there and hoping like hell it is over."

"Well I'd feel better if Cass or Gabe would show up. At least we would know they were okay… and what the hell happened."

"Yeah not to mention you wouldn't have to tell Olivia Cass is… well… gone." Dean said.

"Me?" Sam questioned with an incredulous laugh. "Um… No… You can tell her, right after you apologize to her for being a dick."

XOXOX

"Where do you want these?" Danny questioned his mom as he lugged an armful of books to the reading table in the back of the store.

"In the front window, they're for the new display." she told him.

When Olivia woke, the sun was shining and according to the local news station, the sudden storm that had covered the state had dissipated. And the bizarre happenings that had taken over Kansas City were over, just the clean up remained. She took it as a sign that things were back to normal… or as normal as they were going to get anyway and decided to reopen the store.

Danny plopped the armload of books down on the small platform inside the front window and turned to his mother, who had followed behind him. "Can I go see Brian now?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I told you I spoke to Inez, Brian is going to be staying in a day or two, and so are you."

"Yeah, but you didn't tell me why." the boy complained.

"Because he is going to be helping her at work… And you are going to help me here. Now go get the box of summer decorations for the window from the back."

Danny sighed. "When is Castiel coming back?"

"Soon… I hope, why?" Olivia answered.

"Because when he is around the two of you are too busy swapping spit in your office to keep that poor boy inside to work in the store."

Both Olivia and Danny were surprised to hear the voice of Inez come from the back of the shop. They turned to see her, Brian and Erin standing at the office doorway. They had come in the back door, arms full of fast food bags for lunch.

"What?" the blond woman questioned as the other two stared at her. "I thought I'd bring lunch. Besides it's true. The way you two go at it some days. Vee, you'd swear tonsil hockey was an Olympic event and the two of you were in the running." Inez cackled in her usual brash and humorous way, nodding at Olivia with a grin.

"EWW." Danny said. moving to help her with the white and blue bags of burgers and fries.

"I second that… Eww." Olivia said looking at her with mock horror. " Move the books over and put lunch on the table." Olivia told Danny as he took the bags from Inez's hands."

Inez kept two smaller bags and walked towards Olivia at the front of the store with them. Handing one to Olivia, she pulled the extra stool up to the counter and had a seat. "So… Where is Mr. Wonderful now?" She asked more seriously opening her bag of food.

"I'm not sure." Olivia told her, as she hung the out to lunch sign and walked back to the counter to sit with her friend. "He said he would be gone a few days at least." telling her an abridged version of the truth.

"I sure as hell don't know how you handle all the mystery Vee. That Man would drive me crazy."

"Crazy isn't always bad." Olivia chuckled. "And it isn't as mysterious as it seems from the outside. So what's all this for? I thought you were working?"

"Ah Screw it. I took a couple days off, was thinking of taking the kids out of town for a few days. You know swanky hotel, swimming pool, room service. Wanna go?"

"Can't. I just re opened. Besides the cast comes off the day after tomorrow. And well… Castiel might…" Olivia's voice trailed off.

"Okay." Inez sighed I'm not even going to try to talk you into it. Even though I think you should go and let your mystery man wait on you for a change."

"Inez." Olivia said with a sigh.

"Shush… So can I take Danny?"

"Do you really want to be saddled with another kid?" Olivia asked with a laugh.

"He's no trouble Vee. Hell if my kids were more like him I wouldn't mind them so much." She chortled.

"Inez your kids are fine." Olivia scolded.

"That's because you don't live with them. So can I take him?"

"Yes. I'm sure he is about sick of me anyway." Olivia said.

XOXOX

The Winchesters pulled up in front of the books store around two o'clock. Dean parked the Impala across the street while he and Sam worked up their nerve to go inside and talk to Olivia. Neither had seen her since the night Dean told her about Castiel's trip to New Hampshire and besides feeling like an ass, Dean had no idea how she would react to seeing him. Especially when he was the bearer of less than great news.

"Look Sam maybe you should go in and tell her." Dean said looking toward to shop windows with a pained face.

"Oh no… You started this with her and you are going to grow the hell up and finish it like an adult with an apology." Sam Chastised.

"Yeah well… I don't have a problem with the apology part. I owe her that… I admit it. And I don't even have a problem with any shit she gives me back. I deserve that too. But… fuck Sam. She isn't gonna take this well. " He shook his head.

Sam sighed and nodded. "Okay look. We'll go in and tell her together. But I am not apologizing for you. You are on your own there."

XOXOX

It had been a little more than an hour since Inez left the store with her own kids and Danny. The first half hour after lunch the store had been busy, but now it had slowed down considerably, so Olivia busied her self working on the display window. She'd just finished and climbed off of the platform to the floor and was about to shove the low bookshelf that sat in front of the window back into place when the lights blinked. She stopped and looked around the store, then out the window up to the sky, it was clear. She shrugged and began to shove the shelf when it happened again. Leaving the shelf she went to the back room to check the breaker box. It was fine too. Rubbing the back of her neck she found it more stiff and sore than she realized. Looking back out into the store, It was still dead, not a soul or a hint of anyone. She decided to take another break. It was her first full day working since so much had happened. She went to the small kitchen area in the back room to fill her mug with water for tea but her mug wasn't in it's usual place. Neither was the bottle of pain relievers. "What the hell?" she grumbled out loud. And went back to her desk to look if either had been left there by Inez.

When she got to her desk she found her mug was there and it was full of tea… Hot tea… Freshly made hot tea. Along with the medication she had been looking for. She sat at her desk chair and looked at the mug and the pill bottle, noticing the top at been loosened and was just setting on top as if waiting for her shake two out.

She furrowed her brow and then a small smile curled her lips. "Castiel?"

There was no obvious answer from the angel but… she didn't need one. "How do you always know what I need?" she said out loud.

The wooden door to her apartment swung open.

"No. I'm not done for the day." she said looking around the room with a smirk, then standing up and closing the door. She no sooner sat than it opened again.

"No." she argued with no one she could see and stood to close the door. It opened… She closed it.. It opened again. "Arrgghh… You are even more frustrating his way." she complained.

The door opened wider.

"Okay an hour. I'll close an hour early." She compromised.

The door closed and she swore she heard and irritated huff when it did.

Olivia chuckled. "I miss you… come home soon."

The buzzer indicating that some one had come in sounded interrupting her rather strange conversation with the angel.

XOXOX

Olivia raised her eye brows and sighed to see the Winchesters standing in the store near the doorway.

"Let me guess you're here to tell me Castiel burned down a nursing home or I know, better yet an orphanage." She dripped sarcasm as she stood with her arms crossed over her chest glaring at Dean.

"Umm Not exactly." Dean responded sheepishly. "But he may have helped to total a church in Kansas City." he said with a small laugh.

Olivia didn't move an inch, she simply continued to glare at him.

"Okay look." Sam started.

"Shh Sam I need to do this." Dean said. "Look we got off bad… on the wrong foot you know. I was being -"

"A little bitch." Sam jumped in and Dean turned his head to glower at his brother.

"A…a.. Little bitch." Dean stammered. "I'm sorry. Really, really sorry. I was out of line and it had nothing to do with you. It was between me and Cass and.. Ah hell I fucked up Olivia… I'm sorry."

Olivia's shoulders softened. "Alright" she sighed and shook her head. "Castiel already explained… He said you'd come with your lip dragging and apologize. So let's just let it go. Okay?" she gave a small smile.

Dean nodded and Sam looked relieved. "So you and Cass… You guys are okay then?"

"Yeah." She nodded 'We're good."

"Well that doesn't make this any easier." Dean said.

"What?" She asked.

"It's Cass." Sam said. "Umm We don't know where he is or what happened to him."

Olivia looked up at Sam and smiled. "He's fine."

"You've seen him?" Dean asked with wide eyes.

"Umm No.. Not exactly." she said. "He's been around." she said looking for the right words.

"So he's been here?" Sam asked.

"Sort of… he might still be here." she said with a laugh.

"Huh." Dean was confused. Just then a book slid off the top shelf near where he was standing and hit him on the head. 'Ow.. What the hell." He rubbed his head.

"Yeah he's still here." Olivia chuckled.

Sam looked wide eyed and cocked his head, pointing to the book and then to Dean. "You mean?"

"Yeah" she nodded.

"What?" Dean asked still confused. Then in happened again, another book knocked him on the head. "Ow! Shit!" he complained looking up at the shelf. Both Olivia and Sam laughed this time.

"You mean… That's Cass?" Dean asked, looking up at the shelf.

"Olivia nodded."

XOXOX

The Winchesters and Olivia sat in the back room around her desk and she explained to them about the lights blinking when she attempted to move the shelf and the cup of tea right down to the conversation she had with her apartment door.

"I'm certain it is him. So where ever he is he is fine." she smiled.

"But why wouldn't he just show up?" Dean asked.

"He said he wouldn't come back here until he was sure it was safe. But he would find away to let me know he was okay."

"Guess he found a way." Sam laughed, poking his brother in the head.

"But you're alright?" Dean questioned with concern. "Nothing strange.. Or…more strange than what you've told us." he said with an eye roll.

"I'm fine and no everything has been normal."

"Good" Sam told her. "Look we are gonna hang out a few days at the local motel." He handed her a folded up paper. "If you need anything or something happens. Call."

Olivia nodded and thanked them as they left.

XOXOX

At four o'clock exactly Olivia heard the familiar creak of her apartment door opening. She walked back to her office to see it wide open. "Okay." she sighed. Just let me close and empty the register. She went back to the front of the store and locked the door. The lights started to switch off on their own as she put the contents of the register in the bank bag. "Impatient aren't we." She grumbled out loud in the empty store.

Once up stairs she put the banking on the table and kicked off her shoes. She walked to her bed room unsnapping her jeans as she walked. In her bedroom she could smell the faint scent of her strawberry bubble bath. "What are you up to?" She questioned, pushing her jeans off of her hips letting them pool at her feet before stepping out of them and walking to the bath room.

The tub was full of warm water and overflowing with bubbles. "Is this what you have been up to all day?" she laughed, stripping off the rest of her clothes and stepping into the tub.

Once under the water she propped her arm on a towel and leant her head back. Relaxed, she closed her eyes.

"It is about time you came up here." she heard Castiels voice at the same time his arms went around her. She jumped splashing water everywhere. "Easy Olivia," his voice was soothing. "Or you will wake and we'll lose the connection."

"I'm asleep?"

"Yes." He lauged softly into her ear before kissing it. "Normally I would not consider sleeping in the bath to be safe, but you have an angel looking out for you." he smiled.

She smiled and nodded then relaxed back against him. "I miss you. You feel very real for a dream."

"I am very real." His hands raised to cup her breasts "And you feel so very good." he breathed, nuzzling her neck, planting small kisses and nips. She turned her head to meet his mouth in a deep and needy kiss.

"Can you stay?" she asked pulling from his lips.

"Not long. But I will come back later." he smiled.

"Where are you? Are you alright?"

"Relax or you will wake." He reminded. "I am fine. Where I am will take too long to explain."

He kissed her again then went about kissing her neck some more. "I have to go soon Olivia. I love you."

"Not yet...Stay" she breathed.

"Shh I'll be back, I promise. For now I need you to call the Winchesters. Tell them to meet me at Bobby's in the morning."

"Okay but."

"I can't come to you until it is safe. For now we have this, I'll be back in a few hours." He kissed her one last time before leaving her to wake alone in the bath.


	30. Chapter 27

**MA FOR SMUT SMUT SMUT. ENJOY =D**

I have just edited 147 pages of the novel in 12 hours and i have at least that much more to go. Forgive any typo's here my Beta is tied up with the novel lol. But at least you got some smut :)

Enjoy

Feed back please I am running on empty kick me in the ass

xox

EP

Chapter 27

Broken

The Winchesters stood in Bobby's kitchen waiting on Castiel to arrive. "Did he tell this Olivia anything else?" Bobby questioned?

"Just to meet him here this morning." Dean replied.

"I just hope he has the amulet." Sam sighed leaning against the counter.

" I don't." Castiel sighed from where he stood near Bobby's desk.

They all jumped hearing the angel's voice.

"Dammit Cas I'm gonna put a bell around your scrawny neck." Bobby complained

Castiel looked at him confused. He didn't think his neck was scrawny and what on earth would a bell help if it was? He shrugged the comment off and went on.

"I believe the amulet his back in heaven." he informed them.

"Heaven? How?" Dean asked.

The moment I pulled the amulet from the pastors body the room was filled with light. Gabriel and I were removed and you were left unconscious.

"Removed?" Sam questioned.

"Yes we found ourselves on a beach in the Pacific Ocean. With out the amulet."

"And you came back here?" Dean asked.

"Of course." Castiel answered again confused. "Why wouldn't I return?"

"So what makes you think that Heaven has the amulet?" Bobby questioned.

"Nothing happened until the amulet was released from the body. I believe it carried a tracking spell. A spell to return it to heaven if it were stolen."

"That's why he ate the damn thing." Dean said understanding.

"Precisely."

"So then why are you hiding out?" Sam asked.

"I am not hidden?"

"From Olivia. Why aren't you there? Why the Casper routine?" Dean explained.

Castiel nodded. "I wanted to be certain I wasn't followed from the church. I plan to see Olivia when I leave here. Casper?"

xoxox

The water was pouring down over Olivia's face, bent over the side of the tub she was spitting, sputtering and complaining as she tried to wash and rinse her hair with one hand. Finally, she was satisfied she had gotten most of the soap rinsed out and she reached for her towel. Sitting back against the vanity cabinet doors she began to wrap it around her hair.

"Shit" she complained to herself, sitting on the bathroom floor looking down at her soaking wet bra and pants. She would kill for a shower. The cast was coming off today at three o'clock and she couldn't be happier. Or at least that is the way she should feel. The problem was she didn't. She wasn't feeling very happy at all.

The last few months of her life had been a roller coaster ride. From her relationship with Castiel - The greatest guy in the world turned out to be an angel who was in time out. And then her crazy ex-in-laws having her and Danny followed, sending letters and checks. Of course there was the whole surgery slash coma thing, and who could forget the whole mess with the Winchesters. Then she finds out her guardian angel spent most of her life not giving a fuck about anything but wine, women and song. Hell for most people just finding out angels exist would be enough to put them over the edge. When she looked at I that way, she figured she must be doing okay. But she wasn't.

She dropped her head to her hands and rubbed her palms over her face. What the hell was wrong with her? She was worried about Danny, but she knew he would be alright. He was with Inez, the hotel they were staying at had a water park inside the hotel. He had told her this over the phone hardly able to control his excitement. He was fine and would be, she reassured herself. Then there was her hand. Finally, the stupid cast could come off and she would find out if it was worth all of the trouble. Would the pain go away? Would her fingers move better? She had no idea. For all she knew it could be worse. And then Castiel. She should have never gotten angry with him. She missed him, the few hours he spent with her before leaving and the dream visits were not quelling her desire for him. She wanted him. Needed him. Needed to feel him, smell him, kiss him, taste him, devour him. Let him devour her. Most of all she needed him to tell her everything was going to be alright. He always told her. And she needed to hear it right now.

The tears burst loose like a damn had broken. She was crying, sobbing actually and she didn't even know why. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them while the sobs shook her forcefully. It was if all of the aggravation of the last several weeks had risen to the surface at once and were racing for the exit. The towel wrapped around her hair worked loose and started to slide down her back. She reached to grab it as strong arms enveloped her.

"Shh Olivia." she heard the familiar rasp, but for some reason it just made her

cry harder. "You're okay. I'm here. I'm not leaving."

Castiel sat down on the floor and pulled her shaking body into his lap, practically wrapping himself around her, trying to soothe and quiet her. He rocked her gently as she cried. Mentally he was kicking himself for not seeing this coming. She had been through so much in such a short period. She had been so strong. He should have been here for her. He should have never left her alone. He was her lover. More. He was in love with her. She wasn't just sex, and dinner and fun. She was everything that mattered. She was the beautiful, wonderful, perfect thing that made this broken world make sense. She was his.

"It's alright." He spoke the magic words. "I love you. I'm not leaving." he assured her.

Olivia nodded through the tears that continued to fall. "I love you." she responded through sobs and he stroked her wet hair, holding her head to his shoulder.

Bending his head he kissed her forehead next, and then her nose. When she raised her face to him he used his palms to wipe her tears, before brushing his lips over hers. She continued to sob and her tears continued to run but, she kissed him back. Their lips crashed, each kiss harder and deeper than the last. Through sobs and tears, she bit and chewed at the angel's lips as if she were starving for him. And she was. He moaned blissfully into her mouth feeing his cock stir in his jeans. He moved his mouth to her neck, watching her head fall back, surrendering the sweet flesh there to his mouth. He licked at the throbbing pulse before stinking his teeth into the spot. She moaned now, her sobs subsiding, her sadness replaced by ecstasy feeling his mouth on her body once again.

"I'm sorry" He whispered kissing a wet path to her jaw line. "You have always been my sanctuary and I should have seen that you needed the same. I love you. I promise to ease your pain as you do mine. I promise. Always. Olivia. Always." Teeth scraped and tongues thrashed with the next round of kisses and both of them moaned and whimpered for the warmth of the other. Castiel stood, pulling Olivia with him but she only rose to her knees and looked up at him standing over her.

He held his hand out to her. "Come on." He said, his voice hoarse with desire. "Let me make take this away. Let me take you away from the sorrow as you do for me." She nodded up to him, reaching up, her palm pressed over the bulge in his jeans causing him to shudder. Her fingers undoing the snap of his jeans. They fell and pooled around his feet along with his boxers, and he felt her hand grip him tightly. He closed his eyes a moment feeling her kiss his thighs. "Olivia" he whispered as her tongue found his swollen shaft and licked him base to tip. He groaned and reached out for the wall next to him to steady himself from the pleasure that rocketed through him. This wasn't the first time she had used her mouth on him, but some how he knew this would be the best.

He felt the tip of his cock enter her mouth and then it was as if she swallowed him whole. Encompassed in sweet, warm, pleasure he hissed feeling his cock brush the back of her throat. "Ooooh" he groaned out and looked down to see her once again take him completely into her mouth. He let go the wall long enough to pull off his t-shirt and then he thrust into her mouth gently, again watching her take him deep.

He panted and grunted, one hand holding on to the wall the other tangled in her wet hair. His hips working in time with her mouth. Feeling her tongue bathe his throbbing shaft in the warmth of her mouth as she pressed him hard to the roof of it.

"So good." he grunted and she sucked harder. Making him groan louder.

He watched her, his eyes half lidded with passion and desire. He needed her, wanted her, loved her. He knew he couldn't take much more, it was just too good. Too perfect.

He pulled back. She looked up at him disappointed. "I want you." he said. "Please Olivia I need to be inside of you," He reached for her. Pulling her to her feet, he shoved the pajama bottoms off her hips and he stepped out of his jeans, still pooled around his feet. His mouth clamped down on hers hard and his fingers dug into the flesh of her back. "I need you." he rasp and pushed her against the wall, pressing himself and his rock hard cock against her belly. His hands pushed the bra straps away revealing her round breasts and perfect nipples. He ducked his head capturing one in his mouth sucking and biting until she moaned with pleasure then did the same to the other.

"I want you." she groaned feeling him tug the tender flesh with is teeth her hands lost threading through his hair. Castiel stood and lifted Olivia against the bathroom wall bracing her with his hips as his hands threaded into her hair bringing her head to his. "I need you." she whimpered into his mouth when he pressed his lips to her.

He braced an arm around her waist and moved the other hand between her legs. His fingers seeking her warm wet folds exploring. She groaned when his finger circled her clit. "That's it." he told her. "Relax. Nothing matters but the two of us. Nothing else." He whispered as he massaged her clit with his finger and rubbed the base of his cock against her folds.

He shifted his hips and his shaft was poised at her entrance. He held her to the wall with both hands on her hips. His lips against hers. Kissing, and whispering desires.

Olivia dug nails into his shoulders feeling him so hard and ready to enter her. "Yes." she murmured against his mouth. "Inside…need you inside" she groaned pressing her hips against him. He slid into her slowly but all the way to the hilt. Her head thrashed feeling him fill her.

He pumped slow measured thrusts feeding her his cock at a steady rate, watching her head thrash and feeling her hips respond to him. He kept his mouth pressed to hers supplying soft kisses and words of passion to push her further towards pleasure. "So good Olivia" he grunted pumping his shaft inside of her. "so warm, so wet." he groaned

Olivia's hips moved faster against his. "You feel so good. Too good." she told him. "I've missed you too much." he thrust harder. "Yes" she groaned. "harder" and he did he pounded her harder.

Her nails dug into his shoulders until she drew blood, he hissed feeling the sting and snapped his hips forcing his cock hard and deep. "Yes. That's it." she said pressing her mouth hard against him. " Harder Castiel." she told him.

He wanted to. He really wanted to, but he was afraid of hurting her. He snapped again a little harder than before and this time they both moaned with ecstasy. "That's it." she moaned "More…harder"

He moved a hand to her hair and stroked through it. "I love you" she whimpered as his lips over took hers. His cock pumping her furiously.

"More?" He questioned pulling from her lips.

"Yes." she said biting his lips. "Hard Castiel, Please fuck me hard."

His mind wheeled, hearing her say the words. He had no idea how much pleasure a simple sentence could bring. He felt his cock twitch deep inside of her. "Yes, tell me Olivia. Tell me what you want." He breathed against her lips, snapping his hips harder.

She practically squealed with delight when he did hitting her limit with each thrust. She felt so good, stretching and tightening around him. "More I need more." she grunted as he pounded into her.

He thrust more forcefully. She took each thrust her body jerking with each one and still she begged for more.

"Is that it. Is that what you need?" he questioned his voice gruff as he snapped his hips into her repeatedly

"Yes. Baby that's it harder. You Won't hurt me Castiel. Let go fuck me like you want to."

He growled against her lips. Just the words drove him to the edge. They would be doing this more often. He fisted her hair and pulled back slightly and dove into her throat sucking and biting. He groaned and he growled tasting her sweet skin licking the beads of sweat that formed there. Her salt on his tongue pushing him closer.

Castiel raised his head and bit her chin on his way back to her mouth. He thrust harder and he felt her tighten around him. "Yes that's the way." he hissed into her mouth. "Let go Olivia. Let me feel it."

He pounded her harder, listening to her moan her approval at his actions then she let go. His cock was flooded as her orgasm washed over him her mouth covered his sucking his lower lip into his mouth. He kept up his pace, and a moment later he filled her with his own thick and sticky ropes of release. He kissed her and sank slowly to the floor maintaining contact the whole way.

"I love you." she told him nudging his nose with hers, sitting on his lap her legs around the angel.

"I love you too." He said still trying to catch his breath and kissing her softly. "Are you okay." he asked quietly.

"Yeah." she nodded.

"I didn't want to hurt you…but…Olivia you feel so good to me."

"You didn't hurt me. I needed to feel you. Really needed to feel you to my bones. You know?"

He chucked. Strangely enough he did. He knew exactly what she meant. "Yes. I know."


	31. Chapter 28

_This time I am going to take a few minutes to ramble. I don't do much of that anymore. I used to talk a lot about what I wrote and where it was going and where that idea came from. Then. I got busy lol. But we have reached the point in the story where I must do a little explaining lol. You see it is almost at the end. Yes I hear some of you gasping. Sorry. LOL._

_But when I started this story I had an ending. I really didn't even have a beginning. I saw Castiel in a certain situation.- One that I'd never expect in about a million years btw.- I had to ask myself how he got there. Because I really liked this ending. A LOT and I didn't want to let it go. But certain things would have had to have happened for this to work. I just refuse to write a fic that is too contrived and takes me too far away from the characters heart. At the time I had another story floating in my head about stoner Cas post A out on his own sort of this homeless guy on the corner spouting off crazy shit that may or may not have been so crazy. He would have caught the attention of someone like Olivia. She might even have listened to him, felt sorry for him, got to know him. etc… So the two stories started to merge in my head. But still it didn't lead to my ending. I needed a better jumping off point. I needed Castiel to be wiped out, washed up, faithless, hopeless just DONE. I needed him to break from his reality and look outside of the box. But I needed the world to be intact. Pre A._

_Thank Kripke for Dark side of the moon. That gave me my washed up angel. He was so DONE in that ep. And my story started to take shape then came 99 problems with drunk ass Cas. Can I get an AMEN! At this point it was almost freaky because I had already started this story and was heading for a drunk or stoned Cas scene where he was barking out all of this negativity to Dean._

_Needless to say my ending and the season ending have nothing in common. LOL._

_This is actually going to be… Well… I'm not telling I am not even going to give you a hint except to say when this one is over. It is really over because life as Castiel knows it is over._

_Ohhhhh? What do I mean? You will have to wait and see. LOL._

_So unlike my other stories this one will not have a B-side. Well, okay it could have a part 2 but it would end up very different than part 1. I have toyed with the idea of taking this to the next level. SO I am leaving it up to you guys._

_This story has about 3 more chaps. Maybe 4 I am not quite sure how this last part breaks down all I can tell you is the final chap is written and has been since before the first chap._

_This next chapter is going to give you a lot of head scratching and probably leave you a little confused. The next one might be worse and I am hoping the last one just blow's your mind. =D._

_So there you go I've rambled. Would love your thoughts and Ideas on what you think is happening with this chap. And what you think about continuing with a very different version of Castiel._

_I have PM box and you all know how to use it! Let me know._

_Side note. I am looking for a few people who like my writing and my style, who can ready fairly quickly and actually have the time to contact me about reading my novel and giving me an honest review. If you want more Details PM me!_

_Enjoy_

_Ep_

_Xox_

**Chapter 28**

**What Did You Expect**

Castiel stood at the foot of their bed. The bed He had shared with Olivia for the better part of the last 2 months. She was asleep. Finally. Honestly he thought she would never stop crying. Her appointment with the orthopedist didn't go as planned. It didn't even come close to going as planned, but who the hell could have planned for this?

He moved closer to the bed and sat on the edge stroking his fingers through her chestnut hair lightly. She looked peaceful and he'd hoped she could stay that way a while. He loved her that was really all that mattered. Right? Wasn't that what humans said when all their plans, their hopes, their dreams went down the toilet? All you need is love? He groaned, and promised himself not to say anything so stupid to Olivia when she woke. It sounded cliché and idiotic…even to him.

Maybe they were wrong. Humans did make mistakes everyday. Thousands, millions of times a day. This was just one test. Maybe next week when she went to the specialist they would tell her it was all a mistake. There was nothing there at all. Nothing wrong anyway. Then they could come home and have nothing but, the apocalypse to worry about.

He let out a sarcastic chuckle. Funny, he was learning more and more about what it meant to be human. Like now. The world was literally flying apart around him. Mere inches from crumbling into the pits of hell in the truest possible sense. Yet, it seemed so insignificant, so infinitesimally small compared to they agony Olivia, his love, his world was feeling. The horror in her eyes today at the medical center out weighed anything Lucifer could pull out of his neat little bag of tricks. As a matter of fact he was pretty certain he would trade. Take on Lucifer and let him take his best shot if all of this would just go away. Make this alright.

"Please just make this alright. I'll give anything. Do anything." He said in a voice that was hardly more than a whisper. He wasn't really talking to Lucifer. Then again he really didn't think that he was talking to God either. It was just a wish. Okay maybe it was a prayer. Maybe. So what if it was? Again it was that Human thing. Even when you knew it was hopeless you had to believe. Right?

She stirred and murmured and he sat stone still. "Please let her sleep." he begged. He wanted to hold her but she refused him. She just wanted to cry. Alone. So he let her. He sat on the floor on other side of the bedroom door and listened to her sob. And then…after along time she was quiet. He tapped the door lightly and called her name "Olivia?" she didn't answer. He did it again. More tapping then. "Olivia? Please we should about this. About what this means." No answer. Finally he'd just opened the door to find her sprawled on the bed. She had fallen asleep. Mercifully so.

There were books around her, photo albums and scrap books, he found when he looked closer. Funny how humans looked to the past when the floor seemed to fall out of the future.

All of the pictures were of her and Danny. A few of them had Inez in them. Both of them pregnant at the time. Huge, round, smiling. She was alone in the world but…Happy. But the pictures also drove home just how much she had been through…Alone.

The thought of Inez snapped him back to the present. Should he call her? Tell her? Had Olivia already called? What about Danny? No it was probably best not to tell Danny. Not yet.

She stirred again but didn't wake. He just wanted to hold her. Why did she push him away? Maybe she blamed him or maybe he just reminded her of what she was losing. Might lose. Could lose.

He had to admit the Doctor hadn't been hopeful. The old man seemed pale almost sickened by the news and then having to relay it to him. He was apologetic. Kind. It didn't really matter to Olivia it was the last straw for her. How much longer would she have to suffer the affects of her past. She railed from angry to sad to exhausted in record speed. He had no idea what mental condition she would wake up in. He just knew he would be there. And he would stay there…until the end.

He swallowed hard and touched her hair again. His cell vibrated in his pocket. Closing his eyes and letting out a sigh he stood up and walked from the bedroom to the living room, closing the door behind him.

"Hey Cass what you say to a date with the Devil?" It was Dean's voice at the other end. He sounded surprisingly upbeat considering his own circumstances.

"Huh?" was all Castiel could manage trying to make sense of the question, given the state of his own frazzled mind.

"Sheesh Cass I just told you we got a lead on Lucifer and all you got to say is Huh?" Dean chuckled. "Am I interrupting something? Should I call back in like 20? Or maybe you wanna call me back?" Dean rambled on while Castiel tried to process the words. His mouth was dry and his throat was stiff.

"No, Ah, It's fine I was just thinking of something else." The angel responded. The Magnitude of the days events becoming clear to him as he looked at Olivia's handbag. "So What about Lucifer?"

"We got him. Him Death. It's the end of the fucking line. They are both in Detroit next week?"

"Next week? How can you know?"

"Okay fine we don't. Not for sure but, Bobby has tracked a bunch of signs and that is were the trail is headed."

"Well I suppose it's worth checking out." Castiel replied trying hard to keep his attention on the conversation and away from the pink appointment card that was sticking out of Olivia's wallet.

"What the fuck" You suppose do you?" Dean Laughed. "Cass? You alright man?"

"Yeah." He answered hoping Dean hadn't notice his voice crack.

"Cass. What's going on? Olivia? She okay? You sound…Not right." Dean asked.

"Yeah We're fine. Next week. Detroit. I'll be there." The last part came out a sob, and Castiel hoped Dean hadn't noticed as he closed the phone and leant back against the wall, sinking to the floor.


	32. Chapter 29

**I am only going to say that this is NOT the last chapter. There is one more chapter and then there will be an epilogue. After that you can decide if you want more. If you do, I will continue with small one shots of Castiel and his **_**new**_** situation. **

**For now…get out the Kleenex. If I have done my job well you will need them. **

**Yes I am evil and I apologize. The muse made me do it! He has really sharp teeth and a pointy sticks. Not to mention has threatened to hold my diet Pepsi hostage. I'm at his mercy.**

**FEEDBACK! This is probably one of the most draining things I have ever written and believe me in the last few months of have written A LOT of angsty stuff! Did I succeed?**

**Enjoy.**

**EP**

**XOX**

Chapter 29

Last Chance

"_**Please just make this alright. I'll give anything. Do anything." He said in a voice that was hardly more than a whisper. **_

Castiel was looking out the window, his eyes scanning over the hospital parking lot. He was watching the cars pulling in and out. Wondering why the were coming. Were passengers in those cars coming to say goodbye or hello. As the mid afternoon sunset over the snow covered asphalt he wondered just how many were like him? How many of them teetered on the edge of reality? How many of their hearts where spit in two. How many had come to do both?

He had spent most of the last three days running between the third floor and the fifth floor, between hope and desperation. It had all gone by so fast. Somehow he thought he would have longer. Even though the Doctors told him, told both of them, they would never make it this far. Three months at the most but six? Impossible they'd said.

Almost seven.

She had made it almost seven. She had not only made it nearly seven months but, she was walking and talking for most of it. It wasn't until the last three weeks she started to lose it. Lose things. Lose track of time. Of memories. Of who she was, who he was. Worst of all Danny. She still had some good days though. There were still a few days when they could all pile in bed with her and watch Spiderman and share a big bowl of pop corn and laugh.

She made it to Danny's birthday and that seemed to give her hope.

Next was Christmas. She made it until Christmas and even managed to have her senses about her the entire day…

She'd fought hard and Castiel knew he really should let her go now. He should go back upstairs to room 525 and tell her he loved her and let her go. She had done everything she set out to do, once she calmed down. Everything except one thing. But he could do that one thing for her. He should let her go now. That is really all she was waiting on. Him. Him to set her free. Danny, although tearfully, had made his peace with it. Castiel thought for certain it was a testament to her parenting that he had. And the boy had, he'd let her go, told her his goodbyes two days ago. Now he sat and waited and watched.

He pressed his head against the cold glass of the window in the empty room. Castiel was an angel after all. He ought to be good at this. This releasing souls to the other side. Still. He couldn't do it. He still had hope. After all he'd disobeyed, he'd refused to break and somehow he'd retained his wings. One day he might even be able to go back home. One day he might be able to find her little piece of Heaven and see her again. Maybe even touch her. Or somehow make her stay. Keep her right here.

He'd done the right things. As soon as it set in that this was real. As soon as the shock wore of she let him hold her again. In fact She clung to him. They clung to each other. A few weeks went by and they both came to accept that she really wasn't going to get better, only worse. It was a tumor the Doctor told them. It had probably been in her head for years. The malady that caused the coma had kept the thing from growing. She had lived for years with this thing in her head, but it's blood supply was impinged. Had she not gone into the coma, had the doctors not treated the inflammation, increasing the circulation to that precise spot in her brain, she could have lived to be 80 or 90 years old before it ever became a problem. If it ever became a problem. Life was not fair. Castiel had learned this lesson the hard way. But did it have to be so damn cruel?

He tilted his head back up and rubbed a hand across the 3 days stubble on his chin. Snow. It was snowing again. Olivia loves snow.

He went to Dean. He needed a name and all of the papers that went with it. He would marry her. They had gone to an attorney, the one Inez worked for. He gave them the papers that were needed for Castiel to adopt Danny. Castiel gave those papers to Gabriel and told him to do whatever was necessary, but make sure Curtis Baxter signed them. Gabriel did.

The bookstore was his now. What on earth an angel was going to do with a bookstore he didn't know. But he'd figure it out. It wasn't like he was on Heavens payroll anymore. That's what Dean told him anyway. He had to admit it was sort of funny.

It was over, it was all over, but this part. The unplanned part. The ugly part the truly horrific part. Lucifer was nothing compared to this. He, Lucifer was back in the box. And Michael, though he didn't get to do it his way and was highly pissed off about it, he went back to Heaven to gloat all the same. Sam and Dean managed to pick up and go on. It was what they did. Pick up the pieces and move on.

And Castiel. Well he was here. He had no where left to go but here. The road for him had come to an end. The devil was in his place, and almost no one in the world new it had ever been in danger. Mission accomplished.

He thumped his head against the glass several times and bit down hard on the inside of his cheek. He had to wonder what the point of it all had been. Okay fine they stopped Armageddon. But did it really matter?

He sighed and watched the snow hitting the asphalt of the parking lot below. It looked like it was going the lay.

It had better matter. It had better start to matter. He was a father. Danny needed him. And she needed him. That perfect little girl. The reason Olivia held on so long.

Olivia had gone to the Doctors that afternoon and he had gone with her. When asked She told the Doctor she was feeling fine but, Castiel told him otherwise. He told him about her headaches and about the pain in her neck. He mentioned the nightmares that were still so persistent. How tired she had seemed. The old man nodded taking notes, then sent Olivia down the hall for an x-ray. But they didn't do an x-ray. They did a pregnancy test first and it was positive.

For the next two hours they sat in the doctors office making rounds between stunned, confused, worried and elated. When? How? What about the surgery? The nurse assured them her lab numbers were low. The pregnancy was recent. Very recent. Four weeks possibly less. They felt relieved. Happy no more than Happy. Hope they felt hope. And Castiel felt determined to end Lucifer. To him it all made sense. This baby was the thing he needed. His purpose and he suddenly felt primed for the battle ahead, rather than beleaguered

Then it all crashed down. The doctor had ordered an MRI instead of the x-ray. He said it was safer and better anyway. It was better, much better. Too much better. Okay fine he knew it was asinine to blame the test but…he needed to blame something. The nurse had just finished taking the cast off of Olivia's arm. They spent most of the time talking about the pregnancy. How it had happened. When? The nurse in the room was almost as excited as they were. She recommended the OB there at the medical center and Olivia went to the front desk to make an appoint with the obstetrician as soon as they'd finished. Then the nurse came out to the desk and asked them to come back.

Olivia waited until the receptionists handed her the pink card. She turned around smiling ear to ear at him. He remembered. She was so happy. So damn happy. Most of the things she had been feeling could be explained by the pregnancy. The strange dreams and the headaches even the sore neck. Her concerns about the MRI had vanished. Until she got back into the Doctors office. That is when he told her, them. Four days later she saw a neurologist, he confirmed everything they had been told and more. He gave her 3 months.

But she had made it almost seven.

The baby, a girl. She was early but only six weeks. She'd be okay. But. She'd need a name. Olivia said she had to see her before she could name her. But that wasn't going to happen now.

Olivia went to sleep a week ago. Christmas night. She didn't wake up again. The doctors took the baby 3 days ago. But Olivia still held on. For him. She was waiting for him to say goodbye.

"_**Please just make this alright. I'll give anything. Do anything." He said in a voice that was hardly more than a whisper. **_

He remembered his words and spoke them one more time. This time on his knees where he had sank to, when the tears came. But there was no Olivia to hold him this time when Heaven betrayed him. Betrayed her.

"_Anything?"_

Came a familiar voice. A voice Castiel had come to hate over the last year and a half. But he answered.

"Yes. Anything." Castiel answered desperately.

XOXOXO

Castiel woke up on the floor, it was cold and hard and his head was splitting with pain. He moved his eyes trying to focus. He could see but…but it was all different but the same and the room was dark. How long had he been on the floor? The last thing he remembered was the snow falling in the early afternoon. When he lifted his head he found a pool of blood just under his nose. His nose had been bleeding, a great deal by the looks of the floor. He sat up further and was met with excruciating pain. He couldn't begin to describe. He grunted and hissed it felt as though something had been torn out of him.

And it had.

He remembered. He thought he did anyway. A dream?

He pulled himself to his feet and looked around the room. Where was he exactly, he tried to remember. It was a vacant patient room, one he'd found wandering the halls. Too afraid to go look at his new daughter and too desperate to sit with Olivia.

He was on the third floor. Or he thought so anyway. He was standing on shaking legs. It was as if he had no strength. He moved slow and wobbly, grabbing onto the walls for support. He made it to the bathroom. Inside he looked in the mirror. His outer shirt was covered in blood from his nose and the took it off, balling it up he threw it away then washed his face and hands of the blood.

The cool water helped to steady him and he went into the hallway.

XOXOX

When the elevator door opened he looked to the end of the hallway. Olivia's room was the last door on the left at the very end. There was some sort of commotion going on there. Danny and Inez, along with the Winchesters and Gabriel were standing in the hall. Three nurses and a man in a white coat was standing with them. Another man was wheeling a large piece of equipment from the room. From Olivia's room. They were there to take all of the machines from her room, he realized with horror.

"No." He said and lunged forward unsteady staggering out of the elevator.

Sam and Dean saw him first and looked at him with dazed, concerned faces.

"No..no..no" He started to cry as he ran down the hall. He was staggering and slamming into the walls now and again.

When he got closer to the man with the huge rolling square machine he knew what it was. It was the contraption that measured Olivia's heart rate and breathing. Why was he taking it? She needed it. Put it back! She needed it! He tried to stop him. Grabbing the sides with both hands and shoving it back.

Sam and Dean rushed to him and pulled him away. Both stunned and troubled by the ease with which they did. Surprised by how weak the once powerful angel seemed.

"Cass. Dude chill. Come on." Dean said putting an arm around his shoulders trying to get control of the angel who looked to be crying and having a nosebleed while freaking out in general. Still screaming "No." over and over again.

"Come on Cass calm down." Sam tried to sooth him leaning down he rubbed a hand over his back. "It's okay. It's going to be okay." he told him.

"Why…why are they taking it?" Casitel questioned through sobs.

"Where the hell you been Cass we've been looking for you for since one o'clock." Dean asked calmer than the question justified.

"It doesn't matter." he growled. "Why? Why? Why?" replaced his previous chant of "No."

"Cass we've been trying to call you…for five hours we tried to tell you. Cass she doesn't need the machines anymore." Sam told him, gently.


	33. Chapter 30

_This bounces around a good bit but I think you will get the feel for the vision I had of he ending. This one has been written a while. I did sort of tweek it here and there trying to make it less confusing. I hope this ending makes the last few chapters make sense. As I said I could go on. But Cass's role is very different now. Part of me thinks it would be too boring but part of me see's the possibilities. I'll leave it up to you._

_Oh and Isa. There is only one small non graphic part here to make you shiver. Sorry but I think you will agree it is an important element to the story. _

_Enjoy and feedback please. Even those of you who are pouting with me over the last 2 chaps have to have forgiven me with this one. LOL'_

_Xox_

_EP _

_Chapter 30_

_Who'da Thunk it?_

_Ten years in the future._

Castiel looked down into the pair of huge brown eyes staring back at him. She smiled and his heart melted.

"Time to get up." He said softly lifting the toddler out of the crib and holding her against his chest. She laid her head on his shoulder still sleepy she breathed softly against the skin on his neck. It was a precious and sweet feeling, one he knew he would never take for granted no matter how many times he felt it or how many children he had.

"She's wake?" Olivia asked sticking her head inside the bedroom door, fresh from the shower.

"Yeah. I got it?" He answered with a nod then held up the handful of clothing he had in his hand.

"Okay." She smiled, leaning into the room and kissing him, lightly on the lips. "I'll get the bags together." She said quietly, pulling the towel from her hair, turning to leave. "Oh." She said turning back. "And brush her hair. Don't let her bully you either, it's a rats nest." She gave him a knowing look. He was a softy where Emma was concerned one ouch from the little girl and he would stop. Leaving Olivia to contend with the screaming toddler.

"Mommy thinks I'm a push over." He growled playfully to the toddler as Olivia left the room.

"Mommy knows you're a push over." Olivia called back from the hallway.

"She has really good ears too." He chuckled as he bent his knees sitting on the floor with the little girl still in his arms. "You might want to remember that when you're older."

He planted Emma's feet on the floor in front of where he sat. "Paint." She said and pointed to his nose.

Castiel rubbed his hand over his nose. He'd started painting early, almost as soon as he'd gotten out of bed this morning. "Yes from your new room." He told her with wide eyes mimicking excitement.

XOXOX

Emma ran down the hallway squealing, "No shoes!" as her father chased her to the kitchen. She found her mother standing at the sink and hid behind, the skirt of the long flowing sundress Olivia wore, grabbing onto her mothers legs around the fabric. "No Shoes!" Emma said as sternly as any two year old could while giggling as Castiel followed behind, a grin taking over his face, his arms outstretched with his fingers splayed. The little girl squealed excitedly as he came closer wiggling his fingers at her. She held tighter to her mothers legs and shrieked with joy. He bent to tickle her and before he ever touched her the toddler collapsed to the floor in a fit of giggles.

He bent and picked her up over his shoulder so that she hung upside down then stood up to meet Olivia's narrowed eyes. He grinned into her face, then planted a quick kiss on her lips. "See, dressed and brushed." he told her proudly. Emma was squealing and wriggling in his arms the entire time. Olivia chuckled leaning against the counter her arms folded or her once again expanding stomach. "And barefoot…You're such a sap." she sighed laughing softly.

"I brushed her hair." he pointed out.

"Yeah lets see you get shoes on her." she challenged.

"That's easy." he winked, twisting around to bring the laughing toddler to his face, pulling her head close to his he whispered something in her ear and then set her on the floor. Emma ran screaming "Yes, yes." at the top of her lungs into the living room.

Castiel looked at Olivia with a grin of self satisfaction.

"I'll be impressed if she actually comes back with shoes on her feet."

"I'm already impressed." He smiled moving closer to Olivia at the sink and backing her to the corner slipping arms around her expanding waist, rubbing the side of her stomach with one hand. "We have three minutes alone." He laughed softly and kissed her. Olivia responded smiling into his kiss while her arms went up to his shoulders and her thumb strummed over the stubble on his cheek.

"Three minutes isn't enough for what you have in mind." she kissed back. "What did you promise her anyway?"

"Nothing I cant deliver." He laughed and kissed her again, then again.

XOXOX

_The past_

"Cass we've been trying to call you…for five hours we tried to tell you. Cass she doesn't need the machines anymore." Sam told him, gently.

"How long?" He questioned "How long has she been gone…I need to see her." He said trying to be calm. "I need to say goodbye."

"Cass… no." Dean shook his head. Trying desperately to make his friend understand.

"Cass." Gabriel said causing him to look at him. When he did Gabriel shook his head. "It's not goodbye Cass."

"What?" he asked confused.

"Castiel?" Danny said moving closer slowly. "Cass, c'mon." the boy held out his hand.

Castiel looked at him. He searched his face for the sadness, the torment he should have found there knowing his mother was gone. But…he couldn't find it. "Danny." Castiel said licking his lips and swallowing hard, shaking his head with grief looking at the boy.

"Cass… It's okay." Danny told him. "Mom needs you Cass. Come on. Come see her. She's waiting on you."

Was it real, was it really real. Fuck he felt like a child. He was weak he was confused. He was…powerless he realized. He started to move away from Deans firm grip and he staggered off balance and weak. This wasn't grief. This was his remuneration.

XOXOX

"You are too involved Castiel. We can allow her to live, but we cannot allow you to stay." Michael bargained with him.

"I don't understand, she has been sick for months, why now, why do you care now." Castiel hissed suddenly more angry than grief stricken.

"Father felt you deserved time with her. But he also expected you to let her go. Become ready to move on. You never did. So…He allowed you to stay. But now it is clearly time. He has offered to let her live."

"He's back?" Castiel questioned.

"Not exactly." Michael told him.

"So he doesn't care." Castiel huffed.

"Of course he cares." Michael told him placing a strong hand on his shoulder. "He wishes to reward you. For your faith."

"Yes." Castiel nodded understanding. "Save her. Heal Olivia. Take the tumor away." spoke faster more pleadingly.

"If that is what you wish. But you cannot stay with her." Michael explained.

"I won't leave her." he was determined. "I love her."

"It is not a choice Castiel. You are an angel you do not belong with her."

"Where is he? Is he in Heaven?" Castiel demanded

"Castiel It doesn't matter where he is. He can hear you. He can always hear you. I assure you this tone will get you nowhere with our father." Michael reminded. "You may have done your job well but…"

He cut Michael off short. "If he can hear me then I no longer wish to be an angel." Castiel shouted looking upward in the room. "I love her." He called out loudly to the air.

"Castiel!" Michael Hissed. "Your disrespect will not be tolerated.

"Shut up Michael. I wasn't talking to you." Castiel snapped. "I wish to be human." He began again. "If I am to be rewarded then I wish for Olivia to be healed, if I am to be promoted I refuse. I wish to be made human." He called out. Pacing around the room his head turned upward. "Please answer me." He said. "You gave her Gabriel and he neglected her. Please let me have her. Let me care for her. I love her. Save her. Please, and let me care for her."

"Do you know what you are asking?" Someone spoke. This voice was different, it was soft, gentle, not deep or authoritative the way he would have imagined God to be. It came into the room as if carried by the air, it wasn't earth quaking or ear splitting.

Castiel swallowed hard and nodded. "Yes. Yes I know. I am asking to be human."

"Do you know what that requires of you?"

"Yes…Others have done it." Castiel pointed out.

"Others have fallen. Do you wish to fall?"

"I wish to remain with Olivia." he answered

"Do you wish to fall?"

"I wish it to be my reward." Castiel answered.

"Castiel you can not remain an angel on earth. After all that has happened I cannot allow it. I can however allow a sacrifice."

"A Sacrifice?" Castiel questioned licking his lips not understanding what more he could possibly give.

"The knife Michael." The voice spoke gently and Michael moved forward with a sharp golden blade in his hand. He held it out to Castiel.

"What?" Castiel looked confused.

"What are the gifts that make you an angel Castiel?" The voice of his father questioned.

"My Grace…your grace within me and my wings." He said humbly.

"Yes. And it is this you must give freely if you wish to be human."

"Give?" He questioned.

"Give." The voice repeated. "I can not take them from you. Child you have earned them. If you wish to become human you must prove it with a sacrifice. There is no turning back, therefore you must give them freely so that you understand what it is to be human. There is much pain in birth child."

Castiel winced understanding. He was to cut out his own grace and slice away his wings if he were to truly become human. Human not fallen. But Human.

"Is it still your desire?" Michael questioned with a small smirk holding the knife to him, certain after hearing the particulars he would decline.

"Yes." Castiel nodded, certain of his choice. "She will live father? He questioned.

Michael glared.

"You both will. A long and full life." was the response.

"And the baby?" Castiel asked softly as he took off his shirt.

"Yes, she and her brothers and sisters. Long and happy lives." The voice said with a chuckle.

Castiel cocked his head at the answer, but he wasn't going to question it.

He held his hand to Michael. "The knife." He said with determination.

"You don't mean it." Michael said. "Think about what you are doing."

But Castiel had. He thought about Olivia. Her life the trials she had endured since childhood. The lessons she'd learned. How all of those things could have made her cold, hard, uncaring, but they hadn't. Even the last seven months. So much pain yet she held on. She loved him and Danny and the baby enough to hold on no matter how much pain it caused her. His was a tiny price to pay in comparison.

"I have. For a very long time." Castiel told him taking the blade from his hand.

XOXOX

_Ten years in the future._

The park was still peaceful when Castiel and Olivia walked down the sidewalk with Emma in her fathers arms. Olivia carried a bag of paper plates in her hand while Castiel wrestled the rambunctious toddler, "Wanna swing" trying to scramble out of his arms to the swing set.

"Wait till we find Izzy" he tried to soothe her.

"IZZY!" she shrieked squarely into his ear.

"Ow." He complained, looking over to Olivia who was trying to hold back a laugh.

"You wanted the fourth one remember." She told him in a tone that said she didn't feel the least bit sorry for him.

Isabella (what God has promised) named by her frazzled but elated father ten years ago, heard her younger sister's call and came running.

"She wants to swing." Olivia sighed. "Please take her." she was almost begging.

Izzy rolled her huge blue eyes. "Okay, but you have to make Gabe come sit with you. He keeps digging up worms and they are disgusting." She bartered tightening her deep brown ponytail.

Olivia made a face and rubbed the new bump forming on her belly. "He's yours to contend with." She looked to Castiel shaking her head before she started walking down the walk further into the park.

"The third one was your idea." Castiel teased calling after her.

"Yeah but you named him after your lunatic brother… him and his worms are all yours." she said walking away.

"He looked like him." Castiel defended.

"Send him over with me and Inez." She called as she continued to walk. "…Minus the worms."

XOXOX

The past

"I can't explain it." the young neurologist sat on the end of Olivia's hospital bed. "It's gone." he shook his head.

Castiel sat next Olivia in the bed his arms were wound around her, in fact he hadn't let go of her for more than a moment since he took Danny's hand and allowed the boy to walk him into Olivia's hospital room. Sam and Dean followed out of concern for the angel's mental state more than anything.

Castiel couldn't believe what he was seeing she was still very frail and pale. The dark circles were still under her eyes and she was far too thin. But. She was sitting up. And smiling and talking. She was holding their baby in her arms while she madly dialed her cell phone. She was calling him.

"Olivia?" he said and took a step towards her nearly crashing into the bed face first.

"Oh, Hold on big boy." Dean said reaching out to grab him and keep him upright." shooting Sam a worried look. "Maybe you should sit with her." he said leading him to the bed.

He made it to the edge and a dam of tears rushed free, his face fell into her chest. Inez reached for the baby and Olivia held Castiel's head against her, wincing, trying to pull the rest of him to her.

"You're okay." He said and it was a statement not a question. It's gone." he said and "it won't be back again." with certainty.

She pressed her face to his and nodded with tears streaming. "What did you do?" she hissed sadly.

"Nothing that matters. Nothing that changes anything important." He told her. Her hand wiped a small trickle of blood from his nose. It was still seeping a tiny amount.

Castiel was still weak an hour later when the doctor came in but he was more composed. He listened as the neurologists theorized, but he didn't really care what they thought. He was right it was gone and it would not be back.

XOXO

Ten years in the future

"Damn Vee you look about to pop. You sure you're only half way there?"

"19 Weeks." She sighed sitting in the lawn chair. "You sure this thing is going to hold my big ass?" she questioned wiggling in the folding chair.

"I hope." Inez giggled.

"Gee thanks. You look great too." Olivia grumbled.

"Oh wow aren't we a bit touchy." she teased.

"Nah just tired."

"You sure you're alright." she asked worried. "What the Doc say?" Inez pressed.

"Olivia held up two fingers and rolled her eyes."

"Shit no." she gasped.

"Shh" and Olivia nodded.

"Vee you seriously need to have him fixed."

"Already did. Twice. Remember? The whole frozen peas on his nuts episode?" Olivia laughed.

Inez giggled "Yeah I think I still have pictures."

"He has this uncanny ability to heal. What can I say. This time it's my turn." she sighed.

"He agreed?"

"I haven told him but I think six is enough. Even for him." Olivia chuckled.

"You know you really did get lucky Vee. I mean after everything. He really did turn out to be an angel." she said.

"You have no idea." Olivia said while biting her cheek.

Olivia looked up to see Danny walking down the sidewalk with a cake in his hands. Brian was behind him carrying a few cases of soda.

"There you are." she grinned at him. "Would it kill you to call me?" she said.

"Call you? I live two doors down from you. Remember the old apartment, above the old store? Dad's store now?:

"That's not a store, that's a mess." Inez corrected.

"I don't care, you're supposed to call so I know you're alright."

"We had dinner together." He reminded.

Castiel walked over to the table and nodded at Danny. "I talked to Dean he said he would bring…it" Danny said quietly.

"What?" Olivia questioned

"Nothing to worry about." Castiel told her giving her a look that said not to push the issue.

She stared at him and he moved behind her and leant over her chair. Pressing his lips to her ear. "I promise…Okay?" He whispered. "We've been safe for ten years. Trust me. He then nuzzled his face against her. "I love you so much. I would never put any of you in danger."

Olivia nodded and relaxed…a little

XOXOX

_The past_

"Tom Gibbs is closing the hardware store in January." Castiel told Olivia when he and Dean returned with the part to fix the leaking faucet.

"Well he is sort of old." Olivia shrugged pulling Izzy out of her highchair. "He's probably retiring."

"I was thinking" Castiel said taking his daughter from her arms. "Maybe… we should buy it?" he cocked and eyebrow.

Olivia furrowed her brow.

"It has a lot more space. For us and the book store." He pointed out.

She sighed,

"Izzy is going to need a room." he reminded. "And you said you needed more space downstairs." He went on.

"Do you know how long it would take to sell this place?" Olivia pointed out.

"Well I wasn't thinking we wouldn't sell."

"Oh?"

"We could rent the apartment." He told her. "…And I could use the store for…Other stuff." He said sort of sheepish.

"That other stuff involve Dean and Sam and other hunters?." She narrowed her eyes.

"Yes." He groaned. "I know you don't like it. But…It's what I do Olivia. It's the only thing I can do." he looked at her pleading as he swayed Izzy in his arms.

"It's not that I don't like it." She sighed and moved closer to him. "But it does scare the hell out of me. For their sake." She nodded to their daughter. "Not mine. Shit. I know all about evil." she whispered.

Castiel sat Izzy in her playpen. "I know." he said pulling her close. I cant and I wont go away for days on end like before I already chose not to. When…"

She nodded understanding.

"But they still need my help and in many ways it's worse than ever now that Lucifer is put away again."

"So what are you thinking?"

"What I'm doing now but bigger. I can keep salt and weapons on hand for hunters. Plus I can teach them about these new and old monsters and Demons."

"And it would be a safe place to keep some of the really bad shit we come across. Like cursed objects or ritual stuff." Dean, who had been quiet until now, added.

"And none of it would be where we live." Castiel told her. "Olivia it would be safe. I still know all the tricks, the spells, the magic. I just no longer have the power." He finished.

"And you just came up with this in the ten minutes you were at Gibbs?" She questioned, not believing it for a moment.

"Well I saw the sign when we got to town a few days ago." Dean admitted.

Olivia glared at him and nodded, then shot and expectant look to Castiel.

He shrugged and looked discomfited, "We talked about it last night at their motel" he confessed, "…and I said I would talk to you….I'm talking to you." he defended.

"And if I say okay? Who's going to do the work? Castiel we cannot afford a second building and pay for a ton of work too." She reminded.

"Me, Sam, Bobby. Hell Olivia I bet I could get a bunch of hunters in here to do everything. Most would just be happy to have Cas around."

"Unbelievable." Olivia sighed.

XOXOX

ten years in the future

Dean shoveled in his third piece of cake and topped it with is 8th hot dog. "Anymore of that potato salad left?" He asked looking up from his empty plate.

"Right here." Inez said with a smile and she plopped another spoonful onto his plate.

"You have to admit they are good together." Castiel whispered in Olivia's ear as she glared at her friend's attentions towards the hunter.

"Yeah well he is never going to settle down and she… well It's Inez. I don't think couple-dom is in her future."

"Well…there is something going on there." Castiel reminded. "For the last ten years…when he comes to town they…well get together." he said.

"Shh… I've made her promise never to tell me the details." Olivia laughed.

"You okay?" He said looking down on her, she was sitting next to him but more still than usual. His arm tightening around her.

"Yeah. Let's take a walk." she said

The kids were all busy eating and playing Dean was still eating and Inez was still feeding him. Sam had gone off to Castiel's shop with Danny and Brian to unload whatever mystery objects the Winchesters had brought with them and Olivia felt like a little talk.

"Castiel pulled her to the side once they were out of view and leant into a tree bringing her against him and holding her snuggly. "It's a ritual chalice." he told her knowing what was on her mind.

Olivia looked up to him and nodded. "Why's it so special? I mean none of you would care otherwise."

"It has been used by some powerful demons during ritual's." he rolled his eyes away from her and sucked in a lungful of air. " Maybe the biggest Ritual in the history of the world." he said looking back to her.

"You…mean?" she groaned and pressed her face into his chest.

"Yeah. The one that started the whole damn thing." he admitted with a growl. "But before you get upset It's harmless as long as I have it." he assured.

XOXOX

the past

"An antique store? What do you know about antiques?" Olivia questioned Castiel.

"Well I'm old." he shrugged. "And really I just need a cover and it is the perfect cover." he explained.

"And junk we need a lot of old junk." Sam said.

"And I'm sure you got books Olivia." Dean added. "He can learn. I mean hell he was a fucking angel. I'm sure that's gotta put him at the head of the class."

"Really?" She laughed. "He still looks at the garbage disposal as if it's magic." she told him.

"I just think it is an interesting device." Castiel defended.

"Yeah well you should still keep your fingers out of it. They aren't gonna grow back this time." Dean said shivering at the memory.

"Olivia?" Castiel said softly. "I won't do this if you don't want me to."

"I Love you." she told him wrapping her arms around his neck. "I trust you. If you say we need this then we do and if you say it is safe. Then it is." She nodded and kissed him.

XOXOX

Ten years in the future

Olivia stood in the bathroom pushing the sundress off of her shoulders and letting it fall to the floor with a sigh. She pulled on a t-shirt and brushed her teeth waiting for Castiel to get off of the phone.

"Sam is staying with Danny and Brian tonight and Dean is with…Well…never mind." Castiel laughed coming into their bathroom.

"Everyone else in bed?" Olivia asked.

"All three." he smiled.

"Good." she smiled and turned to lean into him.

He leant back against the wall letting her pull his t-shirt over his head first. "I seem to remember this is how we got these two he said chucking and tracing a finger over her stomach.

She pressed her mouth to his and laughed softly. "Damage is done now."

"You have a point." and his mouth covered hers.

"I do love you." she breathed out when he pulled away. She looked up to him. He was still beautiful they could take his wings and his grace but there was still that ethereal quality to him that even God apparently couldn't take or maybe didn't want to. He was older now. She would guess 45 if she had to. Just a little gray at the temples. His eyes were just as blue, his smile just as breathtaking but nowhere near as rare as it once was. And his grin every bit as mischievous as it was the first time she saw it. He would always be her angel.

"What are you thinking?" He whispered into her ear, he had been watching her look at him so contemplatively.

"How much I love you." she said and her hands moved around to his back sliding gently to the spot on his should blades where the two faded scars resided. He shivered when she did. The spot was not exactly tender but her touch against the spot always seemed to stir a deeper desire for her. What you did. What we have because of it. "Thank you."


	34. Epilogue

**Okay there you have it. This is either The End or the start of the next part. It is up to you. My thinking if I continue is this. Each update will more or less be a one shot in so much as it will be wrapped up in one chapter, occasionally two. It would more or less be about the items Dean and other hunters bring to Castiel. Or information about what ever monster or demon they are hunting. Etc. For the most part Castiel is in his little shop with his little (HUGE) family so it will just be a story told through his eyes with Olivia and the kids peppered in.**

**Or this can be it. Part of me says it could be fun and part of me says BORING. You tell me.**

**Feedback**

**Xox**

**EP**

**Epilogue **

Castiel stretched his neck and yawned looking at his watch. It was seven o'clock. He should have gone home two hours ago. Inez should be picking up the twins and the other three should be upstairs with Danny, leaving he and Olivia for the rest of the night. Obviously his plan had been foiled, since none of those things were happening.

At Precisely Four-fifty-one Dean Winchester called and threw a wrench into it all.

Castiel was getting ready to close for the day. He'd collected his banking and his bookwork and already turned off about half the lights. He had just come out of the back room. The space that was once Olivia's office, now his, with a bottle of wine in one hand and a small pink box of Olivia's favorite hand dipped candy in the other. He had run out at lunchtime to pick up both and they had been waiting in the storage room refrigerator ever since. He sat them on the counter with the other items and walked over the to door to look out. It was early January and weather forecast was calling for snow and ice. He looked out the door to the sky. Nothing so far. His plans should go off with out a hitch as long as the weather held.

Olivia had Gone into labor Thanksgiving night, a full two months early sending everyone into a panic. Her Doctor had warned them twins were likely to be early, but with the exception of Izzy none of the others had been. Gabe was a very fashionable ten days late and everyone thought Olivia was going to pop by the time Emma made her entrance, sixteen days past due. She had been feeling well and no one thought twice about holding up the usual Thanksgiving tradition and everyone met at their home as always. Castiel, Inez, and her youngest Erin, who was now 16, took over most of the cooking, giving Olivia plenty of time to lounge on the sofa. Danny and Brian kept the younger kids busy. Sam, Dean and Bobby filled in the gaps doing whatever else needed doing, ensuring Olivia did nothing but relax.

After dinner and a round of baths for kids they had all settled into the large living room. The children were watching a Christmas special while everyone else talked, read or dozed. Castiel sat on the large sofa to read with Emma on his lap. Olivia laid with her head on a pillow propped against his hip. He was just thinking how peaceful she was, he could tell by her breathing she was starting to doze. Then she stiffened.

"Alright?" He questioned touching her hair.

"Yeah." She nodded without moving.

Ten minutes later she did it again, then again. With in an hour it was obvious this wasn't a test. Everyone rushed into panic mode even Castiel who had been through this several times before. Children were dispatched to various family members, while Castiel called the doctor and Olivia finished packing her bag.

Twelve hours later they had come into the world. A little smaller than the others, both just over four pounds, but otherwise perfect. Their early arrival did mean however they would spend more time in the hospital. Which proved to be exhausting for both Olivia and Castiel.

Olivia worried incessantly over the babies, and Castiel worried incessantly over her, worrying incessantly over them. Mentally they were both overdone. Olivia insisted one of them be with the twins at all times. This meant for the next three weeks they took shifts at the hospital. For the first time, in the now eleven years since Castiel chose Olivia, they were separated. Seeing each other only briefly at the hospital sometimes only as they passed in the hall. Castiel loved his children and he would do anything for them, but the lack of time with Olivia was enough to bring him to his knees.

They'd both made it through with their sanity and the twins Lucas and Lilly came home. Then the real fun started. He'd never slept so little in his human life, the both of them were constantly tugged in 5 different directions. Thankfully Danny was grown and more help than irritation.

But children were a blessing according to his father. No matter how crazy they made you. Castiel liked to think their large family meant he approved. Then again he could just have a twisted sense of humor too. Gabriel had to get if from somewhere.

In the last week everyone seemed to fall into a routine. Things weren't perfect nor were they what was previously considered normal, but he would say his family had now found relative calm. Just in time too. He missed Olivia. He thought that feeling would leave him when the twins came home but, it didn't. One was always working while the other was sleeping. Sleeping while the other was tending the children. She was going out the door when he was coming in. It was maddening. At least to him. She was everything. And he missed her. He missed having dinner with her, waking up early and talking nonsense through slurred, sleepy voices. He missed slipping to the shower with her once everyone was tucked in or cornering her in the kitchen for stolen kisses while the kids were preoccupied with breakfast and cartoons.

Today marked 6 weeks since the twins came into the world. This meant he got the keys to the kingdom back in his hands. Or he was taking them back by hook or by crook anyway. Although it wasn't just the physical attention he missed, it was a good starting point. He wanted her to fall asleep in his arms and stay there all night. Just once. And yes. He wanted to feel her body writhing against his soon, before he lost is sanity. And he wanted to wake up with her when they were both damn good and ready to, not when somebody screamed. Castiel loved his children. But he loved Olivia just as much.

If only he hadn't answered the damn phone.

"Cass?" Dean's voice was at the other end. "Good you're still there."

"Yeah, just leaving." He replied.

"I'm heading your way now I have something pretty big for you." Dean told him.

"Can it wait?" Castiel questioned

"Not this. No way. It's too fucked up Cass."

"What's going on?" Castiel sighed, resigning himself to staying open for Dean.

"It's a mirror. I think it's possessed by something. We found it in Kentucky. Everyone in town was bat-shit. It turns people into killers Cass."

Castiel furrowed his brow hearing the story. Walking to the back office he scanned the shelves for a book that might give him a clue. "How long till you get here?"

"I'm leaving Bobby's right now so three hours maybe. But with weather who knows. But I gotta get it out of here. Bobby and Sam were checking it out and damned near killed each other."

'What do you mean?" He questioned.

"Well when we found it, it seemed like it was taking it's time, working on people slowly. They look in it and a thought is put in their heads. You know the normal weird shit." Dean laughed. "But it's like it knows we are trying to stop it. As soon as we unwrapped it at Bobby's he went nuts and went after Sam. He didn't even look in it. It was just in the room."

"Why doesn't it effect you?"

"I think it's the Tats. You know against possession."

"It would make sense." Castiel said considering what he knew.

"So around eight?" Dean said.

"Yeah call me if you'll be late. So I can tell Olivia."

"Gotcha." Dean said and hung up.

There would be no time to get home. He would need to prepare a space for an object this dangerous. Especially if it was possessed. He called Olivia and begrudgingly broke the date. The next day was Saturday he was hopeful they could at least sneak in a few moments then. But anything more would have to wait a week.

He sighed as he locked the door. His disappointment was obvious, but this was important he told himself. Maybe when he got home everyone would be in bed. Maybe the both twins would actually sleep longer than 20 minutes. Maybe he could have her to himself for just a little while.

XXX

Olivia was obviously disappointed when she called Inez and the woman felt for her. Still Olivia could hear the excitement in her voice when she was told the reason for the change of plans was Dean Winchester was on his way to town.

Olivia groaned as she hung up the phone. "There are just some things I don't want to know." And she shook her head. She went about getting dinner on the table for the other children while Lilly slept over her shoulder. If she were lucky she might get to eat a few bites before her brother woke demanding his dinner.

By six o'clock everyone was fed and surprisingly both of the babies were sleeping. Neither one on her for a change. It was quiet Izzy was doing homework, Gabriel was doing God only knew what and she decided to keep it that way. Poor Emma had past out on the sofa from pure exhaustion having missed her nap due to screaming infants.

A shower. Olivia thought to herself wondering if she could actually pull it off with out anyone waking, or screaming or calling for her.

She was quick in and out hardly spared a second. What she would give for more than 5 minutes under the hot water. Hell she'd give even more for 30 and Castiel to join her if only for moral support. She laughed at thought knowing he was struggling through all of this as well.

When she opened her top drawer she saw the teal cami and panties. Castiel bought them for her last Christmas. Over a year ago. She'd only even wore them once. She grimaced. She knew what he was doing, He was down the block with his nose in a book copying sigils on the basement walls and floors in preparation for what ever bit of no good Dean Winchester had loaded in the trunk of his car. He would have stale coffee and what ever he found in the refrigerator, that didn't run when the light came on for dinner, probably topped off with a few of Emma's left over animal crackers. He deserved better.

Olivia picked up her cell phone off of the dresser and dial as she dressed in the cami and panties one handed.

XOXOX

Castiel came up from the basement at around six-thirty. He needed to wash the paint off of his hands and wanted to take one more look throw his books just to be sure he didn't forget anything. He was in the kitchen running water when he heard the buzzer. Maybe Dean is early but, then he remembered he'd locked the door. Danny, probably, he thought.

"Castiel?" It was Olivia. The kids? Was something wrong?

"Back here." He answered her hurrying to finish and dry his hands. "Did something happen?" He looked at her concerned as he came out of the office door, surprised to see her.

"No" she shook her head and smiled.

"Who-"

"I called Danny." she smiled at him, "You need to eat and he can handle the zoo for an hour or so." she ginned. She moved closer and took his hand pulling him back to the office and sat a plate of food on his desk for him. He looked at her and smiled. She missed him too. He could tell and somehow that alone made if feel better.

He sat and ate while they talked about everything that didn't matter, which was exactly what he missed. And when he finished she kissed him like it mattered.

"I miss you." she purred against his lips.

"Me too. I'm sorry about-"

"Shh. Doesn't matter. I came to you." she grinned.

"Yeah…but." He started to say that this wasn't exactly the most romantic place or way to get reacquainted, but he never did finish, when she pulled of her pink sweat shirt he forgot what he had been saying.

XOXO

Dean stood outside Castiel's Antique Shoppe pounding on the door.

"Cas! CAS!…You in there?"

A few moments later he saw Castiel come through the back office door his he was pulling his shirt on and looked a hell of a mess. The image was vaguely familiar to Dean who was smirking when Castiel opened the door.

"Working hard I see." he teased.

Castiel shrugged and grinned. "I finished early." He didn't even blush. Dean was impressed the former angel had come a long way.

A moment later Olivia came out of the back room, hearing her close the door Castiel turned and grinned at her.

"There is a spot ready for it downstairs." he told Dean nodding towards the back. "We'll talk once it's put away. I'm going to make sure Olivia makes it back home."

"Yeah… I just bet you are too." Dean grumbled going back out to get the mirror from his trunk.

"I love you." Castiel told her when they got to the steps of their building. He pressed his lips to hers softly, but with just a bit of lingering hunger.

"I love you too. Be careful with whatever that is." she told him returning his kiss.

"I'm always careful " He kissed her again and sighed "Maybe everyone will still be asleep when I get done."

"Maybe." She answered "But I doubt it." She laughed.

He nodded rolling his eyes and then laughed as he pressed his forehead to hers.

"What?" She questioned.

"I would have never imagined." he said with a smile.


	35. holiday note

Hey!

I Live! I'm sorry to everyone who thought this was a long awaited update to one of my fics.

It's not. But soon, with a little luck it will be. I wanted to give you all a quick update.

First I have not abandoned any of my fics. I promise I have notes and updates in progress for all of them! Life has just gotten extremely busy lately. Some of you know my hubby was very ill last year. He his a diabetic and got a blood clot in his leg that resulted in all sorts of complications that nearly cost him his leg. (for the record H is 6 foot 9 , no that isn't a typo, and used to be a bodybuilder, this was not an easy time for him.) His leg was saved as a result of 3 different surgeries, but he hasn't had an easy time. As of now he is still not recovered and we are now being told he probably never will regain full use of the leg.

Anyway all of this has meant many trips to doctors and many meetings with lawyers, not to mention I have had to learn how to run a large part of his business while he is not available.

On top of all of that, As many of you know, I am in the process of several novels. Two of which are moments away from release, with three more in progress, not to mention I too own my own business that has nothing to do with writing, and this is my busy season. Add to that two kids that I home school and just trying to maintain some aspect of a normal life, I think you can see how overwhelmed I have been lately.

Anyway to get to my point. I am going to start to post small, short updates to all of my stories between now and Christmas. It might not be much, but it should be enough to move the stories forward a little at a time.

I have finally opened my Author page on FB look for Pixey Bitters-Author feel free to find me and friend me there and I am on Twitter now as Pixey Bitters. Feel free to find me there and say Hey!

I miss all of your wonderful reviews and comments and I miss the characters I have written here and cant wait to get back to them.

I hope all of you have a wonderful Holiday and cant wait to hear from you!

Xox

EP


	36. Author Update

Author Update.

I just wanted to say Hi to all of my wonderful readers here at FFN and let you all know I will be removing this story, 'Road to Nowhere' within the next few weeks. So if you want to read it and you haven't get going because this is your last chance!

This story, like a lot of my work here, was never meant to be fanfic and derived from an original manuscript. In the last 2 years I have published 2 serials through an Indie Author CoOp (with moderate success aka I've been PAID lol) and have decided to return this story to its original format and release it as a novella, sans Supernatural and sadly, yes, Casitel must go too :( of course…

While Olivia and Danny will remain, the boys are of course gone and Castiel will be replaced by Tebriss- the angel of free will. More info can be found on my website – addy located on my profile or just google my pen name Pixey Bitters.

I want to thank everyone who, read, reviewed and enjoyed this story and assure you I have not forgotten you. I will return eventually to finish the few fics I have hanging. But right now I am working a grueling schedule keeping up with my published (for real live money lol) works.

Again, for more info on what I am doing now, to see what else I have published or if you just wanna say "HEY! What the fuck you talking about bitch?!" lol You can find the link to my website on my profile.

Also I'm looking for some Test/Beta readers for my serial and novels. I can't afford to pay you but, I'll give you a mention in the book! So if you love paranormal romance with a heavy dose of smexy erotica drop me a line

Big slobbering XOXOXOXOX to all of you! And I mean it I would love to keep in touch!


	37. Chapter 37

**This fic will be removed Sunday evening (June 9th) I've gotten a lot of emails and messages from people who were reading this one and I've waited as long as possible, but it's time for it to go.**

**Thanks again for reading. The rework of this story will be call ****_Borrowed Time_**** you can check my website (address on my profile page) for updates and progress...or just to yell at me lol.**

**xoxo**

**EP**

**Oh and if you are reading "Till", it's coming down too. I'll post more info under that title tho.**

"


	38. Latest update 713

**Update to the Update**

**Okay I have tried to take down this fic but so many of you are messaging and emailing and faving it I just can't bring myself to do it.**

**For now I am going to leave it. I know I shouldn't, but I am doing it for you guys so if it disappears one day with no notice, it's because I had no choice.**

**Check my profile, I've updated it with new ways to reach me and how to read my new work and how get a discount on some of my books.**

**I really do love you guys and appreciate your kind words. Hope to hear from a few of you. **

**EP**

**xoxo**


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